Page 7 of Ruin (Hell’s Mayhem MC: Maine Chapter #2)

Chapter Six

Kolton

Surprise, surprise.

I fucking hate surprises, yet I always seem to get them.

Principal fucking Kenting, who I thought I liked once upon a time, has quickly made it onto my shit list.

He never fucking told me that I’d need to be up on stage when Lucian got this stupid award.

I’m not the only person who put this thing together, yet I’m the one who has to come up here?

Had he told me beforehand, I’d have declined, but when he announces it in front of everyone, I don’t have much of a choice.

No one is going to help with this shit if they see me being a dick, as much as I want to be one.

So I climb up on the stage and stand on the opposite side of Principal Kenting as he gives some speech about books being important to kids and how they’re so thankful that the community has come together to help the library get the repairs and upgrades it needs.

That then leads into the information about Lucian, which makes me want to throw up.

But I busy myself with all the ways I can make Kenting suffer for this, and it makes me feel a little better.

“He’s one of our own. Lucian grew up in this town, but moved away for college and became a surgeon who has helped thousands of people over the years.

He keeps ties here though, and visits now and again.

When he heard about the school needing to be rebuilt, he jumped at the chance to help by donating a majority of the money needed.

And for that, we felt he should be celebrated here today, with all of you. ”

Everyone claps, and I want to hide under a fucking rock.

From the corner of my eye, I see Lucian smiling. But it’s his fake smile. The one he puts on for everyone.

Everyone but me.

I used to get real smiles. The one that meant something. I never saw that smile for anyone else, but what the fuck does a stupid smile mean? Nothing, apparently.

“Without further adieu,” Principal Kenting starts as Janet walks over with a small plaque in her hand. Kenting takes it and carefully hands it to Lucian, whose fake smile grows when his fingers wrap around the award.

“Thank you so much, Principal Kenting. This town means a lot to me. It’s my home. Where I grew up. Where I made lasting memories. Anything I can do to help, I will. Thank you so much for this. It truly means the world to me that I can make a difference here in Pinehaven. ”

Bullshit. It’s all fucking bullshit. If I could get away with knocking him out right now, I would. The way he makes me so angry is ridiculous.

Of course, everyone claps for him like he’s the next fucking president, when all he did was hand over some bullshit money that he did nothing to get. None of that money was hard earned. It was what he got from when his parents died. He’d told me all about it.

When I spot people dispersing from the crowd, I hurry off the stage, taking the steps two at a time.

“Kolton!”

You have got to be kidding me.

I move quicker into the crowd, hoping to get lost. If I was smaller, I’d beg someone to kidnap me.

“Wait!”

Someone grabs my arm, and I jerk them off and whirl around.

“Do not fucking touch me,” I seethe.

Lucian frowns, daring to look hurt.

“Don’t fucking look at me like that,” I tell him. “I didn’t do this.”

“Can we talk?”

“Absolutely fucking not,” I growl, but I can’t move. I’m caught in his gaze like I have been so many times before. Helpless. At his mercy. So desperate for him to make things better.

I stand there, staring at him, the people around us disappearing with each second that passes .

“You look so much like your father,” he says, his face softening.

“Oh yeah? You like that or something?” I step closer to him, noting he doesn’t flinch. “Were you fucking him, too?”

I don’t really think that, but I need to do something to hurt him. I need him to hurt as badly as he hurt me. Not that I think it’s possible, but I won’t know if I don’t try.

“Why would you say that to me?” he asks, once again, looking hurt. The fucking audacity. “Do you really think that?”

“Seems like something you would do,” I spit out.

“Think about that, long and hard, Kolton. Think about what you just said to me. I know you don’t believe it. I know you’re only trying to hurt me.” He lowers his voice, stepping closer. “And guess what? It’s working. I don’t like feeling like this.”

“Fuck. You,” I growl, whirling around and slamming into someone.

“What the fuck is going on here?” Kaison asks.

“Nothing,” I grit out, then shove past him to disappear through the crowd.

I end up in the back of the beer tent, drinking more than I should.

I give them all the cash in my wallet, something near $200, if my math is correct.

It usually is, but with my head all fucked up and the alcohol in my veins, maybe I’m wrong.

I come out of hiding when the sun starts to go down and it’s time to clean up. Most of the vendors have already packed up their stuff and gone. There are a few people lingering around, chatting, and looking at the few carts that are still set up.

There isn’t much else that I need to do here, and honestly, I should have gone home a long time ago. I make my way up the hill, toward the parking lot. There aren’t many cars left up here, and I make my way over to my bike. I turn the switch, but it doesn’t start up.

“What the fuck?” I mutter to myself, trying again. Nothing.

I pat down my pockets and dig around—my fucking fob is gone.

“Fuck!” I shout, getting off my bike to double check my pockets. I check them all five times. No fucking fob.

With a huff, I make my way down the hill and back to the beer tent.

“You find a key fob over here?” I ask.

The two ladies who were working the line both shake their heads. There are a couple guys who have the tent mostly taken down. I move past all of them to go where I was sitting and drinking, pull out my cell for light and look around in the grass.

It isn’t fucking here.

I roll out my neck, flex my fingers, and take a breath.

It’s not the worst thing in the world. I have a spare. I just need to go home to get it.

“Hey, you need another drink?” one of the guys asks.

Yes, I want to say, but it isn’t what I say.

“No, thanks. ”

If I’m about to walk home, the last thing I need to be is wrecked. I’m already at the point where I shouldn’t be driving, anyway. Maybe this is the universe’s way of watching out for me. Sometimes I wish it wouldn’t.

I shove my hands into pockets and walk through the parking lot and down the main road.

If I’m lucky, someone will run me over and I won’t have to worry about all the bullshit going on in my life. There’s no reason for me to be here. I’m not doing a fucking thing but wasting oxygen and space.

Unfortunately, I make it all the way home without being struck by a vehicle.

I’m dripping sweat from the mix of alcohol and heat.

I go right to the bathroom to undress and jump in the shower, and even though I feel like I’m going to drop, I clean up the bathroom and toss my clothes in the wash, then drop onto my bed.

My legs are sore as fuck, since I don’t usually walk five fucking miles.

It’s a good thing tomorrow is Sunday and I don’t have to worry about moving from this spot.

I can lie here all day without a single person to bother me.

I’m fucking exhausted, and even though I can hardly move, my brain won’t shut off.

Flashes of Lucian taunt me like a slideshow.

His smile. The way he looked at me like he was the one who was hurt. The way he said my name. The way his hand wrapped around my arm. The way he smelled.

I hate how addicted to this man I was, and I hate how easily my body reacts to him, despite what he put me through.

I’m struggling enough over here, I don’t need to make things worse by giving in to him again.

Because he’ll just leave like he always does.

It’s not like he’s here to stay, and there’s no way in fuck I’m moving to the city with him.

I have no idea why I’m even thinking about this, but maybe if I get the thoughts out instead of pushing them down, they will leave me alone for good.

I’m tired of putting so much energy into him, all the damn time.

It’s never fucking stopped. Somewhere around the age of sixteen was when I fell in love with him, and my life has revolved around him ever since.

It was the way he spoke, the way he treated me. He was handsome and rich and had nothing to do with the club. He was everything that my father and my life wasn’t. He was freedom to me, even before I started sleeping with him.

He was a breath of fresh air, a taste of what my life could be, if only I could get out.

And when the sex started… he’d opened up a world that I didn’t know was possible.

I wish I could blame him for all of it starting, but it wasn’t even him. It was all me. Starting this was all my fault, and I knew what I was getting into, and so really, all I have is to blame myself for all of this.

I’d just graduated. Went out with some of the guys. Drank too much. Knew my father would freak, and so I’d called Lucian. He was in town for the graduation, same as he was for Kaison’s the year prior. He and my dad were that close .

I was drunk, and I came on to him. He pushed me off, told me it was a bad idea, but I kept going at him. Still, he said no. The next day, when I was no longer drunk, I found a text from him that said we needed to talk. Fear had filled me instantly.

He was going to tell my dad, and I couldn’t imagine how that would play out.

The abuse from him wasn’t as often, since I was older, but it still happened now and then.

I could imagine him screaming at me, saying he’d show me what it’s like to be with a real man if that’s what I wanted to do.

He’d go harder than ever before. My only chance at hiding it from him was to meet with Lucian, tell him I’m sorry, that I know my feelings are inappropriate, and beg him not to tell my father.

I got as far as “I’m sorry” before he started asking me questions about what I’d said and done and why I did it. He told me it was a bad idea, I’m his best friend’s son, he’s married, and we shouldn’t do this.

And again, we didn’t.

It would be another three months before anything happened between us.