Page 34 of Ruin (Hell’s Mayhem MC: Maine Chapter #2)

Chapter Thirty-Three

Kolton

The sun has just set when I reach Lucian’s house. I’d asked for a few days, but what’s the point in waiting for the inevitable? I already know what I’m going to choose. I may as well get it over with. The sooner I start this destruction, the sooner it’ll be over.

I figure giving in is the lesser of two evils. If I don’t, he’ll keep haunting me. I’m not strong enough to keep pushing him away. At least if I give in and go with it, I could get a little bit of happiness before it all blows up in my face.

Not everything with Lucian was bad, and that’s the problem. There was so much good, with us, but also with me. I crave who I was when I was with him, and I don’t know how to be that person without him.

The door opens, and I told myself I would hesitate with nothing tonight—or ever again.

I’ve accepted a life of misery, so I may as well just go with it.

I’m tired of fighting, and not just with him.

I’m tired of constantly fighting everything.

Life, my thoughts, my wants and needs. I’m done holding back.

So I shove the door open so hard it slams against the wall and pops back to close halfway.

I reach for Lucian, yanking him to me by his shirt and slamming my lips to his.

I don’t take it easy, don’t go slow. I want to feel this, and I want to remember it.

He groans into my mouth as I kick the door closed the rest of the way, my hands finding the button of his slacks to pop it open. He tugs his shirt out, working on those buttons to get it off while I walk him backwards until he slams against a wall.

He steps out of his shoes when I shove his pants down, and then his hands are on my hips, spinning us so I’m against the wall.

I hit it with a thud, his warm hands sliding up my abs and over my pecs just to run his nails back down.

My head hits the wall as I hiss out a sound of pleasure, my dick achingly hard in my jeans.

Lucian’s mouth is on my neck, sucking and biting as he works to get my pants off. I scramble to get rid of my shirt and before I know it, we’re both naked and unable to get enough of each other.

“Bedroom,” he grunts. “Upstairs. Now.” He slaps my ass when I turn to hurry up the stairs.

I don’t know where I’m going, but once I’m on the top landing, he’s on me again, kissing and guiding me around until I’m being pushed onto something lush and soft.

His hard body lands on top of mine, mouth on my neck again—sucking at the spot that drives me to madness.

He remembers.

I spread my legs, giving him more room, and he thrusts against me, his cock grinding against mine.

I have this realization that it’s the first time we’ve fucked in a bed that belonged to one of us.

It was always hotels and backseats of cars for us.

On the warmer nights, we’d lay out on a blanket in the park.

Never a bed of ours though—never. This is different.

It means something different, but I put that thought away for now.

This isn’t the time for me to worry about feelings.

“You came here to be fucked,” he whispers against my skin, moving his mouth along my chest to bite my nipple.

I groan, my hands going to the back of his head to press him down, wanting more. He licks and sucks and bites until it’s sore and probably bleeding, and then he moves onto the other one.

I’m dizzy with pleasure, emotion swirling in my chest. It’s all too much to deal with right now, so I say, “Then what are you waiting for?”

He lifts off me abruptly, darkness and fire in his eyes. He goes to the nightstand and pulls open the drawer, taking out a bottle of lube that’s half empty.

I get the sickening feeling that it’s empty from him using it on other people, and it’s like he’s in my head. Always in my fucking head; always knows what I’m thinking.

“I think about you all the time, Kolton,” he says as he climbs onto the bed, sitting back on his knees.

“I’ve touched my dick so much at times, it hurts.

” He pops the cap off the lube and makes a show of pouring some into his hand.

He makes a fist over my dick, and I watch as the lube drizzles down, even the soft, cool touch of it causing my dick to pulse because I’m so sensitive, so hard, so ready to come but not ready for this to be over .

Lucian wraps his hand around my dick, stroking a few times before moving closer to me. His hand slides down my balls and over my hole, rubbing in the lube before pouring more into his hand and slipping a finger inside me.

“Don’t go easy,” I grit out.

He pulls his finger free, then slides three inside me.

“I did always love your need for pain,” he says.

I fist the sheets as he fucks me with three fingers, the pain quickly turning to pleasure. He avoids my prostate, knowing how easily it’ll make me shoot my load. When he’s involved, it’s hard to hold back. He touches me in all the right places, says all the right things at the right times.

It’s no wonder he fucking destroyed me.

I whimper when he pulls his fingers out, but it’s only a few seconds before he’s replacing them with his dick.

He’s thick, and I feel it when he slides into me.

It burns, sharp pain shooting out from where we’re connected, but once he’s all the way inside, that burn turns to pleasure.

My body fills with warmth, and my heart—well, I’m not thinking about that.

Lucian leans over me, settling himself on his forearms, and looks into my eyes. The familiar darkness is still there, but around it, it’s soft. The affection I’ve seen from him for years is there. In all the years I’ve known him, there is one thing I can be sure of. This look is only for me.

I’ve seen the way he’s looked at other people, including his wife. It was never like this. It was something that kept me holding on for dear life, knowing there is something only I have. Something that’s just for me. It’s this. The look in his eyes. The smile.

Maybe there is more too? I just haven’t realized it yet.

“I’ve missed you,” he whispers.

My chest tightens, and it’s on the tip of my tongue to tell him I missed him too, but I’m not there yet. He can have my body, but there’s no way in hell I’m giving him anything more so quickly.

So instead, I say, “Shut up and fuck me.”

His gaze darkens further, and he grinds into me, his dick pulsing and stretching me. His hand goes to my hip to hold me in place while he slides out and slams back in.

“Fuck!” I cry out, my nails aching from grabbing the sheets so hard.

“I love hearing you,” he says as he slowly pulls out and slams back in again. “And the best part is there’s no one to be quiet for.”

Lucian sits up on his knees, grabs my thighs and pounds into me like his life depends on it.

Each thrust, I’m met with a bite of pain that fades into the best pleasure I’ve ever had.

My dick bounces against my stomach, each contact of skin bringing me closer to orgasm.

I’m so on edge, if he breathed hard enough near my dick, I’d erupt.

But that’s exactly what he wants. He enjoys seeing me lose control just as much as he likes giving it to me .

What I have with him is something I didn’t think could exist. It’s a safe space that fills me in ways nothing else can. If only it could be like this forever…

“Fuck, Lucian,” I growl, thrusting against him, needing him deeper. “I’m so close.”

“Not yet,” he snaps. “We come together today.”

I clench my jaw, breathing heavily out of my nose as I fight off the orgasm. His words make it all that much harder. Him dictating how we come always was hot. It wasn’t always easy to obey, but I tried like hell. Just like I will today.

“Almost, baby,” he says. “I’m close too.”

I grab my dick at the base, squeezing to hold off the orgasm.

“Lucian, I can’t—”

“Not yet,” he snaps, his nails digging into my thighs as he slams into me faster. Each swipe of his dick over my prostate has me shaking more. Sweat beads on my forehead, my heart pounds, and my head is light.

“Lucian, please!” I whine, my hand shaking.

He shifts positions, turning me on my side a little so one leg is at his hip while the other is up at his shoulder. He manages to go deeper this way, and there’s no stopping it.

“I’m coming. Fuck, I’m c-coming,” I choke out just as my dick starts to throb.

He roars his release at the same time my cum coats my stomach. It’s never-ending, the ripples of the orgasm coursing through me for what feels like hours .

When I open my eyes, I find him staring down at me, panting.

Sweat drips down his chest and his temples.

His hands are still on my thighs and his dick still inside me.

We stare at each other for a long moment, and I can’t tell what he’s thinking.

Is he suddenly feeling like this is a mistake?

Is he waiting for me to say it was one? Is he waiting for me to run?

That seems likely. It’s what I’ve done recently, but this time is different.

Lucian leans down, brushes the damp hair away from my sweaty forehead to press his against mine. His hand moves to my cheek, thumb brushing over my bottom lip ever so gently. It’s a touch that shouldn’t mean so much, but fuck… it’s perfect.

“I love you, Kolton. Please let me show you how sorry I am,” he whispers.

A small part of me tells me it’s time to go. I should tell him to fuck himself, then go home where it’s safe. But a bigger part of me wants more. I want him. Not only to make up for what he did, I just… want him.

“Okay,” I breathe out.

That one word changes something in me. It’s like I’ve had it locked inside me this whole time, and now I’m letting it out. I’ve given him permission, and now I’m free. I’m lighter.

What I really am is done fighting. I want Lucian, and it’s about damn time I let myself have him.