Page 42 of Ruin (Hell’s Mayhem MC: Maine Chapter #2)

Chapter Forty-One

Kolton

My phone wakes me first thing in the morning.

“Kolton, are you okay?”

“I’m fine, why?” I groan into the pillow, the phone to my ear.

It’s light in my room, probably around the time I normally wake up, but today I feel like sleeping in.

“Your house—your old house. It burned down.”

“Yeah,” I say, letting my eyes fall closed. I haven’t slept this good in a long damn time, and I plan to take advantage of that to the fullest.

It’s silent on the other end for a while.

“You knew?”

“You could say that.”

He huffs out a disbelieving sound. “I should have known.”

“Why do you sound disappointed?” I ask.

“I’m not disappointed,” he says. “I was just worried. You could have told me. ”

“I didn’t know. It was… a surprise.”

“A surprise?”

“Can we talk about this later?” I say, not wanting to get into it right now. I’m still at the point where I could go back to sleep.

“I’ll be by shortly.”

“I’m sleeping.”

“I have something that will wake you up.”

I chuckle and end the call, then go back to sleep.

I’m woken up a short time later to someone crawling into my bed.

Lucian’s body is warm against me, his skin soft.

It’s clear he got undressed before he got into bed.

His arm comes around my waist, pulling himself closer, and thrusting his dick against my ass.

“How did you get in?” I ask.

“The front door.”

“It was locked.”

“Maybe I stole your spare key.”

I huff out a laugh, linking my fingers with his and closing my eyes.

“It’s nearly noon,” he says.

“Don’t care.”

“You aren’t a late sleeper.”

“I am today.”

I can’t remember the last time I slept this late.

It happens now and then, but usually when I’m fed up with life and everything in it.

I don’t usually sleep because I’m comfortable.

Last night was a release for me. When I walked through the front doors of my house, I felt lighter—like I’d left a thousand pounds back at that house.

A thousand pounds I’d never have to worry about carrying again because it’s burned to a crisp.

Gone forever. Of course, that’s only what I make of it.

I could still lament what happened, but I’m choosing to let it go and move on.

That’s the only way I can make this work, the only way I can have a good future.

“What happened last night?” he asks, nuzzling his nose against my neck.

“I’m not sure you’re ready to hear that yet.”

“Why not?”

“Because it’s not good.”

I decided to move on from the shit with my dad after burning that house down with my brother, but maybe there’s more to it.

I’ll always wonder if I should tell Lucian or not…

until I do. I don’t think he’ll look at me differently, so that’s not what I’m worried about.

But I am worried about hurting him and adding to his guilt.

“I’m guessing this is more than just burning a house down.”

“A lot more.”

His hand comes to my chin, and he gently turns me to look at him. I roll onto my back so I can see him. His eyes are bright but serious.

“I want to see all the parts of you, Kolton. Even the parts you think are ugly and not worth loving. I’ll do everything in my power to show you that isn’t true.”

I chew on my lip, letting out a sigh.

“How close were you and my father?” I ask .

“We were best friends,” he says. “We’d known each since we were kids. Our parents were friends. You know this, Kolton. You saw me at least three times a year, every year.”

“How can I forget?” I ask, leaning up to kiss him.

He smiles, but it falls from his face quickly. “Why are you asking?”

“Sometimes people do things out of habit. I wasn’t sure if you and him were close in the way friends should be or if it was just a tradition to see each other on holidays. You know, like you do with faraway family you aren’t close with anymore.”

“I guess it was sort of both, but I’ll ask again. Why are you asking me this?”

I stare at the wall ahead of me, the words caught in my throat. It’s so easy to say them, and I don’t know why I can’t. I don’t know what’s stopping me.

Normally I struggle to find words to say, or rather how to word what I want to say. That isn’t the issue now. Everything is right there, scrolling through my head like a teleprompter. I just need to speak.

“What if you found out he wasn’t the person you thought he was?”

“I know your father did bad things. He was in the MC. The same way I know you do, too.”

“Why are some bad things okay and others aren’t?”

“What does that mean?”

I can tell his patience is running out. He’s worried and wants to know what’s going on .

“It means… why can you look the other way over us killing horrible people because we’re in an MC, but not when it comes to other things?”

“What other things?” he asks firmly. “What are you trying to tell me?”

I chew on the inside of my cheek for a moment before sighing. I need to get this over with.

“He was a horrible man, and not in the acceptable way. Everyone thought he was perfect. They looked up to him, they respected him. They had no idea what he was doing behind closed doors.”

The way Lucian is staring at me, it feels like he has no idea what I’m talking about, and I pray to whatever gods are up there that it’s the truth.

If he knew… I could never look at him the same.

I haven’t forgiven him yet over what happened, but I’m working on it.

But this? This is unforgivable. This is something you can’t look the other way over.

I’ve told myself from the very beginning that Lucian had no idea, that he isn’t that sort of man, and if he did know, he’d hide the gun Kaison would shoot our father with. But there’s always the chance…

“What did he do to you?” Lucian asks softly, fear in his voice.

My eyes fall closed, and the memories, though slightly foggy, assault me again.

“Horrible things.”

“How horrible?” His voice shakes as he asks, and I think he already knows. I wouldn’t make a big deal about this if my father spanked me now and then. That’s all too common, especially around here.

I focus on the wall ahead of me, needing to ground myself if I’m going to speak this shit out loud. I never have. I gave Kaison the bare minimum. This has to be more. If I want to let this go, then I need to let it out.

“The worst.”

“Kolton…” He breathes out my name, his hand and arm coming up to cradle my face against his chest. “I had no idea. I…” He sighs. “I am so, so sorry.”

“I know you didn’t.”

I say that confidently. I truly don’t think he had any idea, and that small chance?

I know it’s nothing by the way he is now.

Lucian isn’t the kind of person to do those things.

He was so good to his family, especially his son.

Nearly perfect. If it weren’t for our affair, he would have been perfect, I bet.

Lucian isn’t the kind of man to sexually assault anyone.

I bet he never even spanked Luke. That is not the kind of person he is.

“When?” he says.

“A few months after Mama died.”

“Fuck,” he hisses. “How long? When did it stop? Please tell me it stopped before—”

“It did,” I say. “But… not too long before. A month or two before I turned nineteen.”

“Jesus fucking Christ,” he says, shaking his head and pulling me to him tighter. “If I had known—”

“You didn’ t.”

“But if I had—”

“It doesn’t matter. You didn’t know, and nothing we do now can change what happened.”

“Kolton…”

“Don’t do that, Lucian,” I say, throwing the blankets off and getting out of bed. He looks up at me, confused. “Don’t look at me like I’m broken now. Don’t treat me like I’m different because you know. I’m still the same person.”

“That isn’t what I’m doing.” He shakes his head, sitting up and leaning against the headboard.

“It’s exactly what you’re doing.”

“Just because I have sympathy for what you’ve dealt with doesn’t mean I’m looking at you differently. I just care.”

My brow furrows.

“I can care about you and worry about you without judging you, you know. Maybe you need to get used to that, and if that’s the case, you should because I’m not going to stop.”

He throws the blankets off and gets up, taking my face in his hands.

“You are not a weak person. I’ve never once thought that. And I will never look at you like you’re fragile. But I will care about you, and sometimes that means I’m sad for you. There is nothing wrong with that.”

I sigh, my head dropping forward. “I’m sorry.”

He pulls me into a hug. “Don’t be. Just get used to it.”

“I’ll try.”

“I know you will.”