Page 24 of Ruin (Hell’s Mayhem MC: Maine Chapter #2)

Chapter Twenty-Three

Kolton

It’s two days before Lucian comes back. He rings the bell, and I pull open the door, nearly falling to my knees because he looks so fucking good. Grey slacks. Black button down with the sleeves neatly rolled up.

I hate it.

He smiles at me brightly, as if I’m just an old friend he’s happy to see.

“May I come in?”

I nod and step aside.

“How has she been?” he asks, shoving his hands into his pockets as he turns to face me. I ignore the bulge between his legs, ignore the way my mouth waters as I recall the sweet taste of him. His pleas for more ring through my head, and I force those out too.

“Sleeping a lot. ”

He chuckles. “That’s a good thing. Soon enough she won’t be getting much sleep at all.”

When the baby comes…

“Have you thought about what you’re going to do with her then?” he asks.

I have thought about it. Too much, actually. It keeps me up at night.

Anastacia is a nice person. Bad shit happened to her, but it hasn’t broken her spirit.

She’s very much unlike me. She talks to me when she can, but says only a few words.

Like she’s trying to show me she’s friendly but doesn’t want to overwhelm me.

It’s like she can sense that I don’t want her here but am doing it anyway.

The thought of her going into labor has me unable to breathe, and the thought of a child running around this house, pissing, shitting, and throwing up everywhere has me nearly catatonic.

Yet at the same time, I have this deep-seated need to protect her—to keep her here, and to keep her safe. To protect that child with my own life, if needed.

The Iron Runners haven’t done a thing to retaliate over the incident in the bar. We did hear all the guys are alive though, so that’s something. Maybe they’ll wait until they all heal before they come back at us. Who knows?

No one has asked for Anastacia either. Maybe they don’t care about her as much as I thought they would. Maybe they don’t realize she’s missing yet. It’s hard to say .

“Yes, I’ve thought about it.”

“But you haven’t decided?”

I give a quick shake of my head, then move into the living room.

“Is it okay if I go up to see her?” he asks.

“Yep.”

I listen for his footsteps to move up the stairs and let out a breath when they’re gone.

Being around him is dangerous. I can’t control myself when he’s near.

That’s another thing that keeps me up at night. Lucian is still so nice even though he knows how angry I am. What the hell did he mean by what he said the other night? He’s going to spend the rest of his life putting my heart back together? What about his fucking wife? Shouldn’t he worry about her?

I’d looked up her name to see if she died.

She hasn’t. Not sure what’s going on there, but I have half a mind to call her up and tell her what the fuck went on with me and him so she can come wrangle him up and take him home to keep him under control.

And then I can get back to my normal life, whatever the fuck normal even is. I don’t know anymore.

Before I know it, Lucian is coming back downstairs.

“She’s doing well,” he says.

I nod, picking up the remote as if I have intentions of watching TV. I fucking hate TV, and I don’t know why I even have one.

“You’ll need to come up with a plan for when she delivers. ”

I turn my head to face him, raising a brow.

“She mentioned not wanting to go to the hospital,” he says. “I guess the club has people there.”

“I’ll take her to a different one.”

“You may not have time.”

“I’ll figure it out.”

He nods, and I turn back to the TV, clicking the button to turn it on.

“I’m going for a hike,” he says. I look at him with a frown. “Do you want to come with me?”

I laugh. I can’t help it. The question is so fucking ridiculous.

“No.”

“Okay. How about dinner, then?”

Yes.

“Definitely fucking not.”

It’s quiet for a long moment, but I can still see him out of the corner of my eye, so I know he didn’t go anyway. I keep my gaze on the TV, but I have no idea what I’m looking at.

“Would it change your mind if I told you I wasn’t with Beth anymore?”

My hand tightens on the remote, and I stop breathing.

He’s not with Beth anymore? Why? For how long?

“We’ve been separated for a while,” he adds.

“It changes nothing.” My words are shaky because his are bullshit. “Why would you even tell me that?” I say, anger getting the better of me. “Do you think that’s just going to make me jump into the back seat of your car again? Like it erases everything that happened?”

“Not at all.”

“Then why did you tell me that?” I demand, getting to my feet.

He can’t give me hope like that. He can’t let me think there’s a chance. Without her in the way…

“I don’t want any secrets between us.”

I huff out a laugh. “Yeah, that would have been helpful ten years ago, Lucian.”

“I know that, Kolton. I’m trying here.”

“Trying what, exactly?” I toss the remote onto the couch and throw my arms up. “What exactly are you doing here?”

“Isn’t it obvious?”

“No, not really.”

I expect him to say some crazy shit. I expect him to tell me that he’s trying to get back together with me. Or maybe he just wants to fuck again. Maybe he wants some weird sugar baby shit, or he misses me sucking his dick. Wants me to fuck him one last time. I don’t know.

What he actually says, throws me for the craziest loop, and it’s the most dangerous thing he’s said so far.

“Kolton, I still love you.”

I hold his gaze, unable to blink, breathe, or move. It feels like forever. Hours pass. Days, maybe. I don’t fucking know. I finally suck in a breath when my vision starts to blur in the corners .

“Get the fuck out of my house,” I whisper.

He frowns, holding my gaze for only a moment before turning on his heel and walking out.

I wish, for once, he would just fucking argue with me.