Page 22 of Ruin (Hell’s Mayhem MC: Maine Chapter #2)

Chapter Twenty-One

Lucian

There isn’t a store in town that will have everything I need, so I take the drive to Newhall, which is the closest city.

It’s an hour away. I’m in no rush though, other than wanting to see Kolton again, but Anastacia will be safe with him until I get back.

She’ll probably sleep until tomorrow, so it’s not like she needs these things immediately.

Sleep will help her for now, so it’s not an issue.

There’s a strip of stores I’ve gone to before, and pull into the lot.

The first place I go is the clothing store, where I get her a few outfits.

I’m not sure what kind of clothes she likes, so I focus on comfort over everything else.

The last few weeks of pregnancy aren’t easy.

When she’s feeling up for it, I’ll take her to get clothes she wants.

Or I’ll leave my credit card with Kolton, and they can order some things online.

I have no idea what size shoe she is, so I figure what she has will have to do, and opt to get her comfortable slippers instead.

I don’t know a thing about this girl to guess colors or what material she likes, so I do my best by guessing from her age.

After checking out, I toss everything in my car, then head into the grocery store. I spend less time here, since I know what I need, gathering fresh fruits and vegetables plus some staples like milk and eggs.

Kolton has always been particular about certain things, but I see it more in him now.

I’m not a psychologist to diagnose anything, but it presents to me like OCD.

It’s funny because he hides it well, but there was no way he was hiding it with me in his house.

This isn’t easy for him, but this experience will l be good for him.

Having worth, knowing he’s doing something good, helping someone—it’ll boost his confidence.

That’s what he needs right now. It’s clear he cares about the town and the people in it, especially the kids.

A couple hundred dollars later, and all the groceries are in my car.

I make one more stop at the liquor store to grab a bottle of wine.

Maybe I’m pushing my luck here, but you miss one hundred percent of the shots you don’t take, and I’ve already decided the rest of my life will be spent begging for Kolton’s forgiveness and trying to win him back.

I’ve prepared myself for the rejection that will come along with it.

Anyone who deals with Kolton needs thick skin.

The sun is starting to set as I drive back to Pinehaven. Sometimes I miss the city, but I haven’t been here long enough to really get used to it. The quiet is the hardest part .

When I was younger, I didn’t mind the town.

My family was rich, so they had a lot of ties to the community.

It was home, and it was where I belonged.

But then I got older and saw there was more out there for me than this small town.

Opportunities I wanted to take, and because I had the means to take them, I did.

I went to college. Became a surgeon. Moved to the city. Got married. Had a kid.

But that’s where the fun stopped. What else was there after that? Sure, I had my son, whom I still love dearly, and watching him grow up over the years was amazing, but it all fell flat. The milestones stopped, and soon there was nothing making me happy, nothing to look forward to.

Until Kolton. He was the fire that kept me going, that kept me wanting more. He was what I had been looking for all along. And for some crazy reason, I fucked it up. And I don’t just mean the night I left him, but from the very beginning.

I should have left Beth right away. I shouldn’t have dragged Kolton along for seven years before finally abandoning him.

It was wrong in so many ways, and truly, I don’t know what I was thinking.

I was stressed and confused, and all I knew was that I loved the way things were with him.

What if things changed if we changed? There was so much fear around that idea, until I had a bigger fear take over.

One that ultimately led me to leaving him alone.

One that took me years to come to terms with.

It hurts to look back at my life and see how much time I’ve missed with him. But I’m only fifty-seven. I still have a ton of years ahead of me. Years that I want to spend with Kolton, if he’ll only let me.

I’m so lost in my thoughts on the ride back that I don’t realize I’m in Pinehaven until I’m reaching Kolton’s driveway.

It’s hidden. Something you’d miss if you didn’t know it was there.

You can’t see his house from the thickness of trees along the road.

It’s just like him to want his solidarity. To hide away and not let anyone in.

My sweet, sad boy.

I pull up the driveway and park by his truck. I let the engine run for a moment as I work myself up to this. Though I prepared myself for rejection, it doesn’t make it any easier. It never gets easier seeing his anger pointed toward me.

Kolton has a wicked tongue, and he knows how to make his words hurt. They are a weapon that he wields well.

Kolton always said how much he appreciated that I was able to keep him calm when he felt so out of control. That’s what I need to keep doing. I need to be that for him. So, I take a moment for myself, so I can prepare to be that calming force he needs me to be.

I lower the AC and put the window down halfway. The warm air floods in, but I listen to the swish of the trees and the chirping birds. I hear the calmness in the air, of being surrounded by nature and not people and buildings and cars.

Everything about this place is designed to make you calm, yet even in all of this, Kolton can’t find the stillness he craves. Dare I think I’m the missing piece? I was once upon a time. I suppose it’s possible I could be that again.

Before he sees me out here, I put the window up and shut the car off.

I grab as many bags as I can to bring inside, using my elbow to ring the bell. He opens the door and steps aside, allowing me in. I put them down on the kitchen floor and turn to get the rest, but he’s already down the stairs and walking toward my open trunk.

“I can get this,” I say as I go out after him.

“Just close the trunk,” he says, grabbing the last bags. He heads toward his house, and I shut the trunk, then go in after him.

“This is ridiculous,” he comments as he puts the bags down.

“It’s necessary.”

“This food is going to go bad.”

“You’ve never lived with a pregnant person,” I say with a laugh, reaching down to grab the bags with perishable food in it, so I can put it away. “When Beth was pregnant—“ I snap my mouth shut but quickly add, “Never mind.”

It was a stupid thing to say. Talking to him about her is stupid. He used to say he didn’t mind, and I took him at his word, but when he exploded, the truth came out.

I don’t know if he was trying to make himself okay with it or if he just lied to me to impress me.

Either way, I wish he had been honest about how it made him feel.

Maybe knowing that he wasn’t okay with it the entire time would have lit a fire under my ass to move faster with a divorce. Or maybe I should have known all along.

“It’s fine,” he says, but I hear the bitterness in his voice. “How is she?”

“She’s… fine.”

“Does she know you’re here?”

“Yes,” I say carefully.

“Why isn’t she with you?” he asks.

I see the anxiety written all over his face. I open my mouth to tell him the truth, even though I didn’t want to do it so soon. I needed us to be in a better place before I explained everything, but he needs to hear this. He needs to know.

“We—”

“Sorry to bother you—” Our heads turn toward the stairs. Anastacia is standing there, wearing Kolton’s clothes that are much too big for her. She looks comfortable, though. Her hand protectively rests on her belly. “Could I have something to eat?”

“Of course,” I say. “I was just going to make dinner.”

“Were you?” Kolton asks, whipping his head toward me.

I flash him a grin. “I was.” I bring my attention back to her. “But I bought a ton of snacks if you want something to hold you over until then?”

“Yes, please.” She comes over, looking down at all the food in the bags and the stuff I’ve already laid out on the counter. “Wow, this is a lot of food.”

It’s sad that she thinks this is a lot of food. It’s not.

“Take anything you’d like,” I tell her .

Though I focused on healthy stuff because it’s better for her and the baby, I did grab some junk food as well because what is life without a little splurge every now and then?

Especially for a soon-to-be-mom. She reaches for a container of Greek yogurt and grabs the tray of premade brownies.

I chuckle as I pull open a couple drawers to find her a spoon.

“Are you sure this is okay?” she asks as I hand her the spoon.

“It’s fine.”

“Just sit at the table, please. I don’t like crumbs on the furniture,” Kolton says with a sigh.

She nods, her eyes going a little wide. Then she goes over to the table to eat her snack.

I chuckle to myself as I think about Kolton with a baby and how he would handle that. Maybe not so much the baby, but a toddler who gets into everything.

We put the groceries away, and he carries her things upstairs while I work on dinner. When she finishes her snack, she goes to her room to put it all away.

It’s odd how comfortable she is here. It’s like the part of her brain that recognizes dangerous situations is defective.

If you’re in an unknown house with strangers and people after you, there should be a sense of fear.

But she’s comfortable. It’s not necessarily a bad thing because I know Kolton will take care of her, but if she had come across someone else…

“How do you want your steak cooked?” I ask Kolton.

He hasn’t left the kitchen other than to bring Anastacia’s things upstairs. I can’t tell if it’s because he’s worried I’m going to snoop through his things or because he just wants to be next to me. Of course, I’m hoping for the latter.

“Medium-well.”

I nod, then get to work heating the pan for the steak, now that the roasted potatoes and vegetables are almost finished.