Page 14 of Ruin (Hell’s Mayhem MC: Maine Chapter #2)

Chapter Thirteen

Lucian

When there’s banging on the front door, I already know who it is.

I’d prepared myself for this moment, knowing it was coming. It was inevitable. I just didn’t expect it to happen so soon.

I pull the door open, and I’m met with a furious Kolton.

“I forgot how quickly news travels in this town,” I comment.

He shoves past me to step inside the house, and I turn to face him, closing the door.

He rakes his hand through his hair, looking up at the ceiling as if he’s trying to find words or maybe just trying to keep his cool.

Which is shocking because he never holds back.

Though, it’s possible he’s contemplating murder at this moment.

“I was hoping I was wrong,” he says more calmly than I’d ever expected from him.

I could ask what he’s talking about, but I already know. It’s about this. Me being here. The house .

He looks down at me, eyes red. Kolton is such an emotional person but he never lets himself feel it.

So it all builds up until it boils over and he has a full on meltdown that comes out as rage rather than whatever he felt from the beginning.

He’s nearly at that point, and I know I’ll be the one to send him over the edge.

It’s not enough to make me leave or make me stop.

In fact, I’ve hardly gotten started yet.

I’m not afraid of those parts of him. I embrace it just like the rest of him.

Once he lets it all out, I’ll have a fresh start.

He’ll have a clear head, he’ll feel better, and I’ll be here to remind him that it’s okay to feel .

I’ve been with Kolton enough times during his meltdowns.

I noticed over the years that his exterior grew harder and it took more and more until he reached that point.

I don’t know what his life has been like over the last nine years.

Has he been holding everything in? Has he gotten better at handling it all?

“Why?” he whispers, holding my gaze.

I hold my head high as I answer him.

“For you.” I won’t lie to him. “I won’t pretend I’m here for any other reason.”

He huffs out a disbelieving laugh, shaking his head.

“Boston too boring for you?” he asks. “Your wife finally kick you out?” he adds more aggressively. “Did she finally find out that you like fucking guys, Lucian? How about your son? Maybe it was him who found out, hm? Did he finally catch you?”

I hold his gaze, not responding to any of that.

Now isn’t the time to tell him about Beth, and it certainly isn’t the time to tell him about Luke.

He isn’t in the right frame of mind to take in that information.

He wouldn’t care right now anyway. I need him to understand why I didn’t come back for him that night.

But if I don’t wait until the right time, he’ll just think it was an excuse.

He won’t care, and I need him to care. He will be upset if he doesn’t care.

“Fuck you, Lucian. Seriously, fuck you.” He shoves past me again, yanking the door open and slamming it behind him.

His bike starts up, and it’s a wonder I didn’t hear it pull down the driveway in the first place.

With a sigh, I head through the foyer and into the study in the back of the house.

When I was little, this was my father’s office and I was never allowed entrance.

Never. Not once. Of course, there was the occasional time I snuck in when he wasn’t home, but he always knew and I always paid for it.

I was a testy child, similar to how Kolton was when he was younger.

Kolton never admitted it to me, but I know his father punished him harshly, as some parents do.

I didn’t approve of it, and never chose to punish my son the same.

Children often grow up mirroring their upbringing or rebelling against it entirely.

If Kolton were to have children, I’m confident he’d treat them with nothing but respect.

He’d make sure they had everything they needed, and though communication is sometimes hard for him, I know he’d figure it out.

He’d make sure his children were heard and understood.

He has a huge heart and he cares so much—he just doesn’t know what to do with all his feelings .

I’ve spent some of my time looking over what he’s been up to these last years.

He came into the Treasurer position in the club, and not only does he handle all their money, but he runs every charity event they have.

All of them go toward something the town needs, mostly things for the school or families in need.

Kolton may pretend like he has no heart, he may pretend that he’s made of ice, but it’s bullshit. Maybe I’m the only person who knows that, and that’s why it’s even more important for him to let me back into his life.

When I left Kolton waiting for me that night, I left my heart with him. I’m just not sure he’s aware of that—or maybe he doesn’t care.

I’ve loved Kolton for a very long time. All it took was a kiss from him to see that I hadn’t been living at all.

And the more he gave me, the more I started resenting my own life.

It didn’t matter that I had millions, a perfect wife, and an amazing son—though, I never would give up my son, not for anything.

He is the reason I could never change my life, even if I wanted to.

The love I have for my son is so different and so pure.

I’d never do anything to change what I had with him.

But Kolton and I… we deserved so much more than we got.

We never got to a point where we could talk about Luke, and how we would navigate a relationship while my son is the same age as him. Now, it’s unfortunately something we will never have to worry about .

I drop into my desk chair, scooting in behind the desk that once belonged to my father. My laptop is open, the screen on and showing the power point presentation I’m working on.

It’s not the first one I’ve done, and I’ve gotten rather good at working in the program, though I don’t find it user-friendly.

But after years of doing the same presentation over and over again, it’s time for something new.

And so I found a new topic to discuss. Something that would be easier to write if only Kolton would give me the time of day.

It’s hard to focus when he’s so close yet worlds away.

Still, my fingers hover over the keyboard as I write down key points.

· Be present.

· Be open.

· Be honest.

Side Note: things will be difficult, but as long as you truly want what you have, you will make it work.

Life isn’t easy. I’ve learned that not only in my own life, but in all the lives I’ve seen along the way.

I never wanted to be a public speaker, but after you’ve gone through what I have, you learn that you can’t always be selfish.

Sometimes you have to put your own shit aside to help others.

And if there’s anything that Kolton can understand, it’ll be that.