Page 43

Colton

The next week slips by quickly, and before I know it, Xander is gone for Thanksgiving break. Lucas’s mood turns sour the second he leaves, and the only thing that seems to distract him well enough is spending time with Haven. And by spending time with her, I mean making her uphold her end of our deal.

Thanksgiving day is no exception. Lucas is supposed to be on his way out the door for his family dinner, but instead I find him in the dining room. He has Haven spread out on the table with her head hanging off the edge.

The sight of his dick sliding in and out of her mouth has me stopping in my tracks. There’s something so satisfying about the way her throat bulges around his cock. She takes it beautifully.

Haven seems to have gotten more comfortable with us. Since Isaiah found her, she’s always kept herself within arms’ reach of us. Maybe it’s only out of fear, but I think seeing us keep our promise to protect her helped ease some of her distrust in us.

There are dozens of twisted ways I could shatter it. I could put a collar and leash on her and take her for a walk around the neighborhood. I could push her past her limits until she calls her safeword and then ignore it. Or I could smash her phone into pieces so she’d lose her only connection to the outside world.

But for once, I don’t want to hurt her like that. I want her to know she’s safe. I want to be what safety means to her.

Lucas groans as he pumps into Haven’s mouth and then keeps himself there. She’s gagging, but he doesn’t seem to care. When she starts kicking and squirming, he pulls out just to slam back into her.

“Hold her down, will you?” he asks me without looking away from her.

With a sigh, I move to the other end of the table and grab Haven’s legs. “You need to give her an out.”

“She has one.”

Just then, Haven slaps the table, and Lucas pulls out. She gags hard, twisting her body away. Lucas drops to his knees and pets her hair while she catches her breath.

“You need to stop?”

Gasping, she shakes her head. “Needed to breathe.”

She takes one last heaving breath before letting Lucas roll her back into position. He rubs his dick over her face, groaning when she licks it.

“You’re going to be late,” I tell him.

“Does it look like I give a fuck?”

Fair enough.

Sliding back into Haven’s mouth, Lucas reaches down her body again. My eyes fall to her cunt, and my dick twitches at how wet she is. Turns out, she really likes struggling against us. She hasn’t admitted it yet, but I see the hunger in her eyes whenever she knows it’s coming.

Haven jumps when Lucas pinches her clit. He does it again, and she lets out a muffled scream, but she doesn’t slap the table.

“Your throat is the perfect fleshlight, little fawn.” Lucas thrusts harder, and then he lets out a low groan.

Haven chokes as he comes down her throat. She tries to kick again, but I’ve still got a firm grip on her legs. Watching her like this, with her pussy glistening, nipples peaked, and skin flushed from arousal, I wish we could keep her forever.

With one last moan, Lucas pulls himself free. He’s still rubbing Haven’s clit, and he keeps going until her back arches from pleasure.

“Lucas,” Haven gasps. “Luc, I’m gonna come, oh—”

With a smirk, Lucas pulls his hand away.

“No,” Haven cries.

“Sorry, little fawn, but I’m already late enough.” He hauls her into a sitting position. “Maybe if you beg nicely, Colton will let you come.”

Glaring, she wipes at her mouth. “Fuck you.”

“Oh, I’m sure you’d like that, wouldn’t you?”

Haven’s eyes widen, but I’m not sure if it’s out of fear or shock. Her cheeks are already flushed, but now they turn a deeper shade of pink.

None of us have gone that far with her yet. Even though our agreement gives us the room to unless she uses her safeword, we all have a silent agreement that she needs to be eased into that. I don’t really know how to do that, nor do I think I have the patience for it, so I’m waiting for Xander or Lucas to take care of it.

Zipping up his pants, Lucas kisses the top of Haven’s head. “See you later tonight.”

“Have fun,” I call after him as he heads through the kitchen to the mudroom.

“I won’t. Not without Xander.” He slams the door behind him.

Haven winces while she pulls her shirt on. “He really doesn’t like being apart from Xander for the holidays, huh?”

“Wouldn’t you hate it? Not being with the person you love?”

She looks away. “You think I don’t?”

Shit. Haven may hate Isaiah, but I’ve never really thought about the fact that she had to abandon her family to leave the cult. Her parents, her siblings, her aunts and uncles.

“Right. Sorry.”

“I’ve gotten used to it,” she says quietly.

“You have four siblings? Thomas, Hannah, Esther, and Jeremiah?”

She nods. “At least, that’s how many I had when I left. Two brothers and two sisters, all younger.”

I narrow my eyes. “The way you said that makes it sound like you could have more siblings that you don’t know about.”

“My parents were trying to have another. Five children is a low amount of kids to have there.”

“That sounds horrifying.”

She nods, expression haunted. “Yeah.”

“How… how old is she? Your mom?”

“In her late thirties. She’s at the point where pregnancies start getting riskier, especially since her one with Thomas was so hard on her. But that’s never what matters.” Her tone turns bitter. “When it comes to women, the only thing any of them care about is whether we can produce another child.”

“I can’t even imagine what that would be like. I’m so sorry, Haven.”

“Again, I knew what was expected of me, so it made it a little easier. My mom was married off when she was fifteen, too.”

“So your mom had you pretty early, then?”

“When she was sixteen, yeah.”

“You… you and Isaiah, though…”

I can’t finish the sentence. All I can do is pray that Haven isn’t about to reveal that her past is even worse than I thought.

“I couldn’t get pregnant,” she says, and if I’m not mistaken, shame coats her words. “It’s not uncommon for girls to have a miscarriage or two before their bodies can handle a pregnancy. I never even got to that point, though. My cycle was pretty irregular, and I was still so young.”

“I’m sure being terrified out of your mind didn’t help, either.”

Haven doesn’t say anything, and the look on her face tells me I’m losing her to memories I wish I could take from her. But I think she needs to face them, and I’d prefer she didn’t do it alone.

“He got angry about it, didn’t he?” I ask. “That you couldn’t get pregnant.”

Haven’s gaze drops to her lap. “I should shower.”

“Angel. Did he?”

“You already know the answer,” she whispers.

With a sigh, I move closer to her. She’s still sitting on the table, so I step between her legs. “You’re allowed to be angry, you know.”

She shakes her head.

“Haven, you—”

“I’m tired, Colton. I’d rather not feel anything at all.” Her voice breaks at the end, and she hides her face in her hands.

Dammit. I shouldn’t have pushed, but I need her to remember all the things Isaiah did to her. I need her to remember the pain and the fear and the misery. How else are we going to convince her to let us kill him?

Gently, I pick Haven up and carry her toward the stairs.

“What—what are you doing?” she asks, even as her legs wrap around my waist.

“You said you needed to shower.”

“But—”

“Shh. Just let yourself feel what you need to feel. Bottling it up will only make it worse.”

It’s something my mom used to tell me when I was a kid. I never believed her until after she was gone.

Haven buries her face in my neck and sobs. I cradle her body against mine as I make my way into my bathroom. After I turn the water on, I set her down and gently lift her shirt up and over her head. She follows me numbly into the shower, still crying softly.

“Your clothes,” she says unevenly as the water soaks them.

“Don’t worry about me.”

My only priority right now is making sure Haven feels safe. She’s already vulnerable enough. Taking my clothes off will only make her think I want something from her, and I don’t.

Gently, I push Haven under the stream of water. “Let’s get your hair wet.”

“I don’t—” She sniffles. “I don’t understand why you’re in here with me.”

“Don’t want to leave you alone.” I run my hands through her hair until it’s all wet, and then I grab her shampoo and squirt some into my palm. “That enough?”

“I can—”

“Is it enough?”

“Yeah.”

I start by massaging the shampoo into her scalp, and then I work my way downward. For some reason, it makes Haven start crying again. She’s trying to stop it, I can tell, but she’s too upset. She has an entire lifetime of abuse sitting on her shoulders, and the weight is too heavy.

“I miss my siblings,” she whispers as I rinse out her hair.

“I know, angel.”

“And I…” She scrunches her eyes shut, and her tears are instantly washed away by the water. “I…”

“You what?”

“I wish I’d never been born,” Haven sobs. “I wish he’d never been born. I wish my dad had listened to my mom when she begged him not to make me marry Isaiah. I wish she’d fought harder instead of submitting to him like she always does, I wish—I wish—”

Silently, I move on to her conditioner, letting her formulate her thoughts. I’m almost done threading it through her hair when she finally speaks again, quiet and defeated.

“I wish I’d never told Mark about the briefcase. I wish I’d trusted you. I wish…” Her body is wracked with a silent sob. “I wish you could forgive me. I miss you, Colton, and I’m so sorry.”

My heart stops.

This isn’t the first apology she’s given me, but this time hits me differently. Haven has owned my heart since the moment I first saw that picture of her staring up at the stained glass window. Even when I hated her, all my actions were driven by thoughts of her.

I yank Haven into me. Both my arms lock her in so she can’t get away. My feelings are still conflicted, but I’m not going to ignore her after what she just said.

“I miss you, too,” I tell her quietly.

And it’s the first time I’ve admitted it, to anyone else or to myself.

. . .

I stare down at Haven while she sleeps in my arms. She stopped crying at some point in the shower, but she looked exhausted, so I told her she needed to take a nap. Once she was dressed in a sleep shirt, she started crawling into her cage. I grabbed her and hauled her onto my bed without thinking about it. I wanted her to be more comfortable, and once I got her situated, she pulled me down with her.

An hour later, I’m still here. My plan was to wake her up after thirty minutes, but she looks so peaceful. After her meltdown, I want her to have a break from her feelings. If I let her sleep longer, though, she’ll have trouble going to bed later tonight.

“Angel,” I whisper.

She doesn’t stir.

I shake her gently, and her eyes flutter but don’t open. When I do it again, she lets out an annoyed sound and burrows into me.

“You’ve gotta get up or you won’t be able to fall asleep tonight.”

“Five more minutes?” she asks sleepily.

Chuckling, I pull her into me. “Sure.”

She throws her leg over my hips, and my lips feather over the top of her head while she settles in again. Her body is warm against mine, and I’m half tempted to stay with her like this for the rest of the day.

The thought is as frustrating as it is confusing.

What the hell is happening to me?

This—washing Haven in the shower, holding her while she sleeps, and wishing that her lilac lotion didn’t cover up the scent of my soap—isn’t how my plan was meant to unfold. Sure, we agreed to take care of her, but not like this.

By this point, she was supposed to be halfway to being a brainless toy who’d forgotten how to think for herself. Instead, we’re going soft on her.

I should throw her in her cage and lock her in there until morning. It’d serve her right for making me feel this way. I’m not eighteen anymore, and I’ve killed the tenderness that used to be reserved for her.

But I don’t move.

Maybe it’s a good thing she’s bringing it back.

I wish I could ignore that thought, but I can’t deny the truth in it. When we were kids, I was terrified of turning into my father, and I hoped Haven would save me from that fate. Without her, I’ve maintained most of my morals, but I can look back and see that they’re slowly slipping away.

Ever since Mark deemed me old enough, he’s been getting me ready to take over the Glass Rooks. I hate him—god, I hate him. But that doesn’t mean he doesn’t hold any influence over me.

The fact that his ideals have taken root in my head scares me. I don’t want to turn into a heartless bastard who only thinks about power. And I can’t lie. Where Haven is concerned, that’s exactly what happens. I love forcing her to bend to my will no matter how much hurt it causes her.

If I’m going to take the Rooks from my father and bring us back to the principles the organization was founded on, then I can’t be that kind of man. I can’t turn my back on Haven. She never should’ve trusted Mark, but she doesn’t deserve the torment we’ve inflicted on her.

Maybe we never should’ve started at all.

Maybe we should’ve forgiven her that night.

Maybe I should now.

With a sigh, I wrap my arms around Haven. It’s probably been more than five minutes, and I need to get up so I can find something to distract myself with. All this thinking is making my head hurt.

“Angel, it’s time.”

Haven lets out a tortured whine, and I realize my thigh is pressed in between her legs. She rubs herself against me lazily.

Oh, shit. I forgot about Lucas working her up and then refusing to let her come. Her body is probably still reeling from it and trying to seek release.

“I’d be careful if I were you,” I warn. “You keep doing that, and you may not like what I do.”

With a little gasp, Haven blinks open her eyes. Her cheeks immediately flush. When she tries to pull away, I keep my arms locked around her.

“I-I’m sorry,” she mumbles. “I don’t know what I was thinking.”

“That’s because you were thinking with your cunt instead of your head.” I push her onto her back and shove her legs open. “I bet you’re wet already, just from waking up horny, huh?”

“Colton!” She shuts her legs, but not before I cup her pussy. All it does is trap my hand there, and she grunts in frustration.

“Did I give you permission to close your legs?”

Haven squeezes her eyes shut. “Please don’t do this.”

“Open your legs.”

“Colton—”

“Now. Unless you really are such a brainless slut that you’ve forgotten what you agreed to.”

Hesitantly, Haven opens her legs. I shove my hand into her panties, and the moment I feel her desire, I laugh.

“Just like I thought.”

Ever since we renegotiated our deal, Haven hasn’t been nearly as skittish around sex. She still protests and fights, but she doesn’t get panicky.

Knowing she can actually stop us at any time has given her a sense of freedom, I think. I’m not entirely sure what it frees her from—if it’s from the fear Isaiah instilled in her or if it’s something else. But does it matter? All I care about is that it seems to be working, for her and for us.

Throwing the blankets off us both, I climb over Haven and get out of bed. She watches me with confusion until I grab her legs and yank her to the edge of the bed.

“Hey!” She pushes up onto her elbows, and her eyes widen as I pull her panties down her legs. “W-what are you doing?”

“Whatever I want, and you’re going to take it like the good girl I know you can be.”

“No!” Haven kicks at me and actually manages to land a blow to my right side. “Get your hands off me. This isn’t what I wa—”

“Unless you want me to make this harder on you, of course.”

Haven stills. I already have a firm hold on her ankles so she can’t kick me again. She knows that she can struggle all she wants, but I’ll always overpower her within seconds.

“These legs stay open.” I shove them apart. “If they don’t, then you’ll get spanked.” My fingers brush over her pussy. “Here, not on your ass.”

Her jaw drops. “You’ve got to be kidding me.”

With a smirk, I fall to my knees in front of her. My feelings for Haven may be changing, but I’m still obsessed with shocking her into compliance.

“Wait,” she blurts, but her legs stay wide open. “Don’t. Oh my god, please don’t.”

“Why not?” I lean closer, and I have to stop myself from running my tongue up her cunt.

“I just—why is this what you want to do?”

“Why wouldn’t I?”

She rolls her eyes. “You’re a lot of things, Colton Heverly, but you’re not selfless. Selfish men don’t do this.”

Shaking my head, I laugh. “Oh, angel, trust me. I’m being very selfish right now.”

The frown that forms on her face is so cute I almost lift myself up to kiss her. But my mind forces me to refocus.

Selfish men don’t do this.

Oh, there’s no way.

I level Haven with a disbelieving stare. “You’re telling me you were married for three years, and your husband never ate you out? Not even once?”

She gives me an unamused look. “You’ve met him.”

“Yeah, but… still.”

How could any man not want to bury his face between a woman’s legs? Haven is so wet she’s practically dripping, and it’s all for me. Because of me. I’m barely managing to hold myself back because of it. What could be more tempting?

“He didn’t want to,” Haven tells me, voice small. “I mean, it’s not like I ever asked him to, but he made sure I knew how disgusted he was by the idea.”

“Just one more reason I should kill him. Although…” I tear my gaze away from her pussy to glance up at her. “Are you telling me no man has ever tasted you here before?”

She shakes her head. “Never.”

The pitch-black, possessive part of me latches onto that. No matter what happens—who she fucks, who she loves—I’ll always be the first man who ever did this to her.

“Good,” I murmur, dipping my head down to inhale the sweet scent of her desire.

“No, that—”

When I lick her from entrance to clit, Haven’s protests get stuck in her throat. She jumps, and then her breath hitches when I suck her clit into my mouth. Her sweet, tangy taste explodes on my tongue, and I can’t help the deep groan that sounds in my throat.

“Colton!” She tries to squirm away, but I wrap my arms around her thighs to anchor her in place.

Nothing is going to stop me from making her come on my tongue. Fucking nothing.

When Haven realizes she’s trapped, she relaxes into my hold ever so slightly. I can hear her trying to stifle her gasps. If she sounded too panicked, I’d pull away, but these are gasps of arousal. She wants this, and if she has to pretend she doesn’t so she can enjoy it, that’s fine with me.

I don’t mind a little struggle.

“Oh my god,” Haven whispers to herself when I suck her clit into my mouth. Her hips lift up involuntarily to chase my mouth when I pull away.

“What are you?” I ask.

“An object,” she pants. Doesn’t even hesitate.

“Go on.”

“I’m a sex toy. Your sex toy.”

Leaning back in, I press a kiss to her clit. “Keep going.”

Her voice shakes as I start sucking. “I’m a fleshlight. A pair of tits and a set of warm holes to fuck. A whore.”

“Such a good girl,” I mutter before getting back to work. “Now say it again.”

God, she’s fucking soaked, and she’s only getting wetter as she starts up again. I flatten my tongue against her clit while listening to her breath hitch and her voice falter. The words fall from her lips in between the sweetest moans, and my dick hardens at the sound.

I groan again, louder this time, and flick my tongue over her clit repeatedly. She tenses and squirms, but I don’t move away.

“Colton,” she gasps. “Stop doing that.”

Reluctantly, I pull back. “What I’m doing with my tongue? Do you prefer—”

“Wha—no! The groaning. Stop pretending you’re enjoying this.”

I laugh. “What?”

Again, she tries to close her legs, and again, I don’t let her.

“Just… just stop.” Her face is even redder now.

“You think I’m doing this for you?”

Those must’ve been the last words she expected me to say because she jerks her head back. “What?”

“You heard me.” I give her clit a single lick, unable to stop myself. “Your body is mine, and this is what I want from it right now.”

“But—”

“For the love of god, Haven, shut up.”

“Colton, this is—”

“I’m not a patient man, angel. I thought you learned that years ago. Now shut the fuck up and let me enjoy this, or I’ll tie you down, gag you, and overstimulate you until the sun comes up.”

Her eyes widen in the way they always do when she realizes my threat is serious. She snaps her mouth shut, resolving to protest through a searing glare.

“Good girl.”

The glare intensifies, which only makes me chuckle. My girl really doesn’t know what’s good for her.

I dive back in and focus all my attention on her clit. Slowly, tension builds in her body, and the moans she tries to suppress slip free. Within minutes, her back is arching, and she’s coming hard. I don’t stop. In fact, I keep going with more enthusiasm than before.

This is the best part. Haven may want to come, but an orgasm is mostly involuntarily, and I love pushing her there. I crave having all the control over her body like this.

“Colt— Colton! Stop, I can’t take it. I—”

Haven’s protests dissolve into a cry as I continue working her with my tongue. Her hips buck against my face, but I’m gripping her thighs enough to keep her from breaking away from my mouth. Even when her entire body starts shaking uncontrollably, I don’t stop.

My feelings toward Haven may be softening, but she still agreed to be our toy, and she needs to learn exactly what that means. If I want to fuck her face until she’s drooling and gagging, I will. If I want to overstimulate her until she’s so far gone that she doesn’t even remember her own name, I will. If I want to stuff all her holes with toys until she’s begging for release, I fucking will. And she’ll take it all without a single complaint.

While Haven writhes on the bed, I suck harder. It forces a scream out of her that’s so loud, it embeds itself into my soul. Not only am I the first man to eat her out, but I’m also the first to have her so lost in the throes of ecstasy that she’s forgetting to contain herself.

She’s always so quiet. Always hiding. But now, I’ve kicked down the walls she shelters herself with, and all that’s left is her. Real, raw, and completely mine.

“Window,” Haven chokes out.

I release her clit, and in a flash, I’m on the bed next to her. I stroke her cheek while she heaves in air. Tears are falling from her eyes from the overstimulation, and I freeze for a second. Have I ever seen her look so pretty?

“Angel.” I kiss her, and she gasps at her taste on my tongue. “God, angel, do you have any idea how perfect that was?”

When Haven looks up at me, something feels different than the last time I made her come. It was only a couple days ago, but there’s a definite change. Almost like something is missing.

She heaves in air, and her eyes fall closed. “So… so much.”

“You took it so well.” I kiss her again. I love how out of it she is, all from one orgasm. One orgasm that I gave her.

A soft smile touches Haven’s lips. While I push her hair out of her face, I realize what’s absent in her expression.

Guilt.

Is that what struggling frees her from? Guilt around sex? Because she wants it? Enjoys it? Because she still feels like she’s cheating on Isaiah, but if she doesn’t consent, it’s not her fault?

I’m not sure what the exact reason is, but that doesn’t change the relief that seeps into my bones. Progress is progress, and I want to see Haven happy. I miss her carefree laughs and her bright smiles. I miss her.

With a tired moan, Haven rolls into me. It’s late enough that we could probably justify going to bed. Considering how tired Haven is, I think she’d just be a zombie if I forced her to get up.

“One second,” I whisper.

I head downstairs to lock up and turn off the lights. As I re-enter my bedroom, I check my phone to find a text from Xander.

Xander: Just double checking that you remember my plan. Would prefer not to get shot tonight.

Colton: I remember.

Xander: Good. See you in the morning.

Smiling, I set my phone on my nightstand. Haven is already half-asleep again, and she’s not even under the covers.

“Hey.” I nudge her gently.

“Cage?” she mumbles groggily.

“Is that what you want? To sleep in there?”

She blinks her eyes open. “Do… do I have a choice?”

I should say no. I should make her get up, and I should treat this like any other normal night.

“You can sleep wherever you want.”

“I wouldn’t mind the bed.” She yawns. “I’ve been feeling a little off today.”

“Move over, then.” I don’t give her the chance to, instead picking her up and getting us both situated under the blankets. “Comfy?”

She nestles her naked body against mine, and her head ends up on my bare chest. “Mmhmm.”

I swallow, my voice thick as I say, “Good.”

Haven doesn’t respond, and I realize she’s out already. I shake my head. A month ago, she’d be horrified at the thought of falling asleep cuddled up against me. Throw in the fact that she’s naked, and she’d never believe there was a possibility of this happening.

When she’s tired like this—or right after one of us makes her come—she lets her guard down. I like getting the tiny glimpses of the girl I thought would be mine forever, even if it hurts, too.

I don’t know what it means that she’s getting more comfortable around us. I don’t know what it means that I want her to.

“I don’t know what to do with you,” I whisper to her sleeping form. “You’re making me feel things, angel. Things I promised myself I’d never feel again. And…”

But I can’t say that part out loud. I can barely let myself think it.

What if…

What if I do let myself forgive her?