Page 30

Haven

I yelp at Lucas’s voice, and the flogger clatters to the ground. My vision is still blurry with tears, so it blends into the dark floor.

“Hey, it’s okay.” Xander grabs the flogger and places it back in my hand. “It’s just Luc. Go ahead.”

“Wait.” Lucas steps toward me, close enough that I can make out a half-full glass of water in one of his hands and a tiny white pill in the other. “Take this.”

“W-what?” I stumble back until I collide with Xander.

“Hey, deep breaths, remember?” Xander murmurs soothingly in my ear. His hands come to rest on my hips, a comforting gesture that has my hair standing on end.

Xander has been so angry since he found out what Colton did to me, and I don’t know how I feel about it. I crave the safety that used to come with his protection, but I don’t know if I can truly trust him—any of them.

“What is that?” I ask. I’m still shaking, and it comes through in my voice, making Lucas’s expression soften.

“Anxiety meds. Got them from my sister.”

“Rora doesn’t need them?” Xander asks.

“Said she had extras,” Lucas explains without taking his eyes off me. “Please, Haven. They’ll help you.”

I shake my head frantically. Xander has managed to calm me down some, but my chest is still tight, and now the feeling intensifies. I took a random pill from them this afternoon, and that was a stupid mistake.

Lucas sighs. “Haven—”

“The one you gave me earlier made me fall asleep.”

“We were trying to help you calm down,” he says gently.

“I don’t want to fall asleep again!”

“It’ll just help you relax that’s all,” Xander explains, rubbing my back. “I’ve taken them before.”

“I don’t believe you.” My throat tightens, and my breaths turn short.

“Goddammit,” Xander mutters quietly.

“Fine.” Shoving the pill back in his pocket, Lucas yanks out his phone and taps a few buttons. He holds it to his ear a moment later. “Aurora? Yeah, hi, remember that friend I told you about? Is it okay if she asks you a couple questions? Okay, thanks, here she is.”

I jumps when Lucas shoves the phone at me. Carefully, I take it. “H-hello?”

“Hi,” a sweet voice says. “Lucas said you had a couple questions for me?”

“I… yeah. Just one question, actually. Will—will they make me fall asleep?”

“Oh! No, nothing like that. Sometimes they make me a little drowsy, but never enough to actually put me to sleep. It just makes my mind go quiet, that’s all.”

“That… sounds nice.”

“I hope they help you. And just let Lucas know if you need more, okay? I haven’t been taking them much, and I get a refill next week, so I’ve got plenty.”

“Thank you.”

Lucas takes the phone from me and says a quick goodbye to Aurora. “You good to take it, then?”

Nodding, I grab the water from him and accept the pill when he fishes it out of his pocket. Not letting myself think too much, I down them both in one go. I just need to not feel like this anymore.

“Good.” Lucas eases the empty glass from my hands. “Now, what are you doing?”

“What’s fair,” Xander answers for me, his voice hard.

The two of them exchange a glance, seemingly communicating silently, before Lucas nods.

Colton has been watching without a word, and I’ve felt his burning gaze the whole time. Now I turn to him, my grip on the flogger tightening. There’s a part of me that’s terrified to do this to him—terrified he’ll retaliate. But when he agreed to this, retaliation wasn’t on the table.

Xander made sure of it.

“You’ll want to be behind him,” Xander says, taking my free hand and guiding me around. “Stay away from his lower back—kidneys and all—and anything above the shoulders.”

Oh. It hadn’t occurred to me that there were places you had to be careful of.

“Really, I’d recommend sticking to his ass and his thighs until you get the hang of it,” Xander tells me.

I swallow, staring at the skull tattoo that expands over the entirety of Colton’s back. Those are the places he hit me. He promised to break me, but even while he was, he was looking out for my wellbeing.

If only he could treat my mind the same way.

Lucas is still standing in front of Colton, and his mouth twitches upward. “This is gonna be good. You sure you don’t want to gag him, little fawn?”

“I—I hadn’t thought of that.”

“You’re not fucking gagging me,” Colton spits out.

“Could be fun,” Lucas muses.

“Up to you,” Xander tells me.

I shake my head. Flogging Colton is one thing, but forcing him to do something he didn’t agree to would put me on the same level as him.

“Your loss.” Xander steps back. “Go ahead, doll.”

I really don’t get why he calls me that, but I’m too much of a wreck to care right now. I’m just as freaked out as I was when Xander and Colton burst in on me trying to open that knife. But Colton is right. I don’t want to die.

Colton tosses me a look over his shoulder. “Come on, angel. Do it. Hit me.”

My breath catches in my throat, but I find myself obeying, wincing as the leather strands hit his briefs. I have to remind myself that I’m not the one tied down right now. That in some fucked-up, twisted way, I’m safe.

“That all you got?” Colton taunts. “Come on. I know how angry you are.”

With a cry, I lash out, hitting him twice as hard this time.

“That’s more like it,” he says through gritted teeth. “Again.”

I strike him three more times in rapid succession. “I hate you.” Four more times. “I hate you.”

“Hey, hey.” Xander’s arm bands around me from behind as my knees buckle. “You’re okay.”

A sob wracks my body. My throat aches, partially from crying so much and partially from how brutally Colton fucked it this morning. My eyes are so itchy, and it feels like there’s an unmovable weight on my chest.

Pulling me upright, Xander grabs my wrist. “You don’t have to swing your whole body. Just your arm.” He demonstrates, moving my arm with his. “Now keep going. I doubt Colton will agree to this again, and you don’t want to miss your chance at payback.”

When Xander retreats, I take a second to steady myself. That damn pill hasn’t kicked in yet, and I really need it to. I need to stop feeling like my world is ending.

“C’mon, Haven,” Lucas says. He’s practically grinning. “Make him hurt. Make him fucking cry.”

I expect Colton to make some remark, but he doesn’t. Xander would probably kill him if he did. Considering these three are best friends, there’s an odd amount of animosity between them.

Xander nudges me forward. “Go on.”

With a deep breath, I do it again, only moving my arm this time. There’s still enough force behind it to make the muscles in Colton’s back tense. When I go again, he grunts.

I wonder if Colton has ever been on this side of things, or if he’s always the one inflicting the pain. With a room so full of implements to hurt, I’m not sure. Maybe he likes both? Although, based on his reactions, I’m not so sure. I don’t think he’s enjoying this.

After a few more strikes, I move to the backs of Colton’s thighs. I want to see his skin turn bright red the way mine did. My ass and legs still burn from the sting, and I want Colton to feel it just as much as I do.

“That’s it, angel,” he says tightly. “Take it all out on me. Punish me.”

So I do. I go until some of the anguish squeezing my heart bleeds out of me, until Colton’s skin is an angry, satisfying red. When I’m done, I throw the flogger to the ground.

My heart is beating rapidly and I’m breathing hard, but I’m not crying anymore. Hurting Colton the way he hurt me brought some of my strength back. I know I’m still trapped, but I don’t feel so helpless.

“You did good.” Xander picks up the flogger and kisses me on the cheek. “Proud of you.”

“You’re not allowed to try to get back at her for this,” Lucas tells Colton harshly.

“He knows,” Xander says. “I made sure of it.”

Lucas is still glaring at Colton, but at that, the corner of his mouth tips up in a cruel smile. “Good. I hope you learned your lesson.”

“Trust me,” Colton says as Xander undoes his restraints. His gaze meets mine, and instead of the hardness I was expecting, his green eyes hold a morsel of remorse. “I did.”