Page 14

Xander

Lucas and I take separate rooms. I don’t like it, knowing we’re sleeping under the same roof but not together. It’s not just a physical wall that separates us, and my strongest instinct is to rip it down until it’s nothing but rubble and dust.

And that’s why I find myself leaning against the doorframe to his room while Lucas quietly undresses. He hasn’t noticed me yet, and there’s something about watching him like this that makes me feel like I’m catching a glimpse of the real him. No walls, no need to keep his emotions under lock and key.

Just Lucas.

He’s more introspective than I am—smarter, too. Add in all the shit his dad put him through as a kid, and it’s no wonder he’s turned out the way he has.

In his eyes, tarnished.

In mine, perfect.

When Lucas notices me, he sighs and turns around to face me. He’s only wearing his black sweatpants, and the tattoos that cover his bare chest and back are all beautifully on display. My boy is so fucking hot, and he refuses to believe it.

“What do you want?” Lucas asks gruffly—something I can predict with one-hundred percent accuracy that he’ll apologize for in the morning. He’s standing stone still, his shirt balled up in his hands.

“Talk to me,” I say softly.

I may not look like the emotionally available type. Hell, I’m usually not, but Lucas has always been the exception to my every rule.

“Do we have to do this right now? Here?”

Crossing my arms, I try to figure out a way to get through to him. I’m not sure what exactly has him on edge. Colton knows what we are to each other, and I’m pretty sure Haven figured it out freshman year. Besides, Lucas doesn’t feel a need to hide—not from anyone but himself. And, on nights like this, me. Maybe he just needs space.

I fucking hate that.

“We don’t, no,” I say with a heavy sigh.

“Good, because I’m fine.”

He’s so visibly not that it’s almost funny. Tension lines his large shoulders, the thick muscles taut under his light skin. There’s a line between his eyebrows from frowning so hard.

“How many times do I have to tell you that you really need to stop lying to yourself?”

He runs his hands through his brown hair, and my eyes are drawn to the way his muscles ripple at the movement. God, his body is perfect. He’s a fucking powerhouse, and he’s all mine.

Except in moments like these.

“I don’t like her being here,” he blurts, and then he immediately starts pacing. “I know Colton had talked about doing something like this, but that’s all it was. Talk. And now she’s here, and it’s going to fuck everything up. I can feel it, Xan.”

Ah.

That’s the thing about Lucas. He needs things to be predictable. Slow. Planned.

“It took me by surprise, too.”

“Yeah, but you can handle this shit. I…” He throws his hands up in the air. “I fucking can’t.”

“Hey.” I move closer, and when he doesn’t back away, I place a hand on his arm. “We’re gonna be okay.”

“I hate her,” he grits out. “I want to wrap my hands around her tiny neck and—”

He doesn’t finish. He never does because deep down, he knows it’s not what he really wants.

With a defeated sigh, Lucas rests his forehead against mine. “I’m sorry. I know I’m being an ass, I just…”

“It’s all right.” My arms come around him, and I nudge him closer until he has his face buried in my neck. “Tonight has always been a hard night. I get it.”

“I don’t want to hurt you,” he mumbles.

“Is that why you picked your own room instead of joining me?”

Silence.

“You don’t have to push me out, you know,” I murmur.

It won’t change anything. He always does. It’s too ingrained in his nature. Growing up, he made sure to take the brunt of his father’s abuse so Aurora wouldn’t have to suffer through it. It meant sacrificing his own childhood and the right to feel anything.

That doesn’t just go away overnight.

“I don’t want to hurt you,” he repeats, more forcefully this time.

“You won’t. All we’re gonna do is sleep.”

“I’m just so angry, Xan,” he whispers. “And I’m so goddamn tired.”

“I know.” Reluctantly, I slip away, but only to close the door and get the light. “C’mon. Get into bed.”

Wordlessly, he does. Despite how much I know he wants to resist this, when I give him an order, he obeys it. So when I undress and crawl under the covers with him, he lets me slip an arm underneath him, and then he rests his head on my shoulder with a sigh.

“No matter what happens, we’ve got each other,” I remind him quietly. “I’m not going anywhere.”

“I know. I just… I don’t know how to feel. I want to wring her neck, but at the same time, I want to hunt down whoever was chasing her tonight and gut him.”

“Same,” I mutter, staring up at the dark ceiling. “It’s like…”

It’s like a traitorous part of me still loves her.

“There’s no way I’m gonna be able to sleep,” Lucas grumbles. “I can’t relax.”

“Do you want help?”

“That’s not what I was asking.”

“I know.” Rolling onto my side, I prop myself up on my elbow. “I’m volunteering.”

“You—” He’s cut off by my lips brushing against his.

The kiss starts off gentle before turning more heated. That’s the thing about Lucas and me. All it takes is one touch, one look from me, and he turns mindlessly compliant. No one would know it by looking at us, but I could put a collar and leash on him and tell him to follow me around like a dog, and he’d do it in a heartbeat.

Still, Luc has no idea how to accept help. In his mind, he’s supposed to be the helper, the protector, the strong one. I’m the only one who can turn off that side of him, even if it’s only temporary.

So when I slip under the covers, dragging my lips down his torso as I go, he protests.

“Xan, you don’t have to. I wasn’t trying—”

“I know. Now shut up and take what I’m going to give you, or I’ll gag you, tie you down, and force you to.”

The whimper that crosses his lips is so antithetical to the persona he hides behind for everyone but me. He’s the big, strong, confident football player who everyone assumes is dominant and rough in bed. But for me? He’s nothing more than a pathetic, whiny boy who needs me to remind him of his place.

“Figured that’s what you’d say,” I murmur as I yank his sweatpants down. “You’d like that, wouldn’t you?”

He doesn’t have to give me an answer. His hard cock springing free from his briefs is answer enough. When I lick it from base to tip and then take him into my mouth, he hisses through his teeth and grips the sheets.

Luc’s skin is soft as I drag my tongue along his cock, sucking lightly as I go. The way his breath hitches tells me I’m doing just what he needs—not that I didn’t know that already, considering I’ve been sucking his cock since we were teens.

“Xan,” he pants when I add one of my hands, moving it up and down his dick in time with my mouth. His fingers grab at my dark hair, pulling tight, and a groan sounds from deep in his throat. “Fuck.”

I focus on the head of his cock for a moment, swirling my tongue around it before going back to sucking. The whole time, my hand is stroking the rest of his thick length. The taste of precum fills my mouth, and now I’m the one moaning.

There’s nothing I love more than turning Lucas into a sweaty, mindless mess who can only think with his dick. It’s so fucking easy, too. He used to think he didn’t get turned on easily, but the second we realized our feelings for each other went deeper than friendship, that changed.

Now, he can be in the middle of doing anything—training, homework, watching a movie—and I can have him turned on in five seconds flat. Give me another minute, and he won’t even remember what he was doing before I started touching him.

Now isn’t an exception. I can feel it in his body, how badly he needs to come. That means Haven is the last thing he’s thinking about, which is just what I was hoping for. His mind is mine, and she can stay the hell out of it.

“Xander,” he gasps when I start sucking harder. “Fuck, fuck, fuck. Xan, I’m gonna come. Please let me come in your mouth. Please, please, oh my god.”

The very next second, cum fills my mouth. The taste is bitter and salty, and I swallow it down as he keeps coming. A high-pitched whine fills the room as he shudders through the end of his orgasm, one last spurt of cum hitting my tongue.

While Lucas catches his breath, I move until I’m hovering over him, my legs straddling his hips. I lick my lips, just barely able to see him looking up at me in the dark.

“That wasn’t too hard, was it?” I ask with a grin. “Life is so much better when you listen to me, hmm?”

“Christ, Xan,” he groans.

“Am I right?”

“Yes.” He grabs my face and pulls me down into a kiss. His tongue delves into my mouth, and I suck on it until he pulls away. “God, yes, you’re always right.”

“Good boy,” I whisper, and I swear, the boy melts.

With one last kiss, I flop down next to him. I can already feel how relaxed he is, so I figure he’ll be out in a few minutes. Lucas must have other plans, though, because his hand finds my body under the covers. He slowly slides it up my thigh until he’s cupping my cock. I’m hard—how could I not be after having his dick in my mouth?

“No, Ace.” I kiss his forehead. “It’s time to go to sleep.”

“But you—”

“Shh.” Gently, I tug his hand away and settle against him. “Close your eyes.”

He lets out a grunt of protest, but it’s weak. That orgasm knocked all the anger and hate out of him for the night. Within a few minutes, his body is curled around mine, and his soft snores fill the air.

I don’t sleep, though. Not a single wink. My thoughts are too occupied by the purple-haired girl who still has a hold on my heart even though she’s the one who broke it. I’ve been ignoring that fact for three years, but with her right down the hall, I can’t anymore.

Haven Ashford still owns a piece of me, and goddammit, I think she always will.