Page 28

Xander

The antihistamine I give Haven knocks her out pretty quickly. I’m not sure how long she’ll stay asleep, but seeing her crying like that was killing me. All I could think about was giving her some kind of break.

Once she’s fully asleep, Lucas releases a long, slow breath. “I want to strangle him.”

“I know.”

“If he does this again—”

“He won’t,” I say, finding Lucas’s arm under the blankets. “I’ll talk to him. He’ll come around.”

Haven’s body jolts, and she makes a fearful noise. She’s still out, but her panic has obviously bled into her dreams.

Lucas strokes her waist. “Shh, shh, you’re okay, Haven.”

She settles, even if it’s just for the moment. Lucas and I lapse into silence, only speaking occasionally so we don’t disturb her.

When Colton said Haven would be staying with us, this wasn’t the kind of torment I intended to inflict on her. She’s fucking terrified, and I don’t want her in a constant state of all-consuming fear like this.

I can understand Colton’s reasoning for what he did today, but he came in too hard and too fast. He lacks patience, and he has some monstrous tendencies, but he’s still human. There’s no way he’s okay with causing this level of psychological damage.

Someone needs to rein him in, and it has to be me. Lucas is too close to this. Colton’s torture may have been controlled, but I know all Luc can think about is his dad. If he tries to talk some sense into Colton, he’ll lose his cool too quickly.

So while Haven sleeps, I come up with all the different things Colton needs to hear. My hope is that it won’t take much to win him over, but I could be wrong. He can be a stubborn asshole sometimes.

Actually, he’s usually a stubborn asshole.

I’m not sure how much time passes before Haven wakes up. An hour? Maybe two? When she realizes she’s sandwiched in between us, her body goes rigid, but she doesn’t try to escape us. All she does is let out a terrified whimper.

She’s frozen, I realize. Too scared to move.

“Please don’t hurt me,” she begs. Her breathing turns short and choppy, just like it was before she fell asleep.

“We’re not going to,” Lucas assures her. “We promised we’d keep you safe, remember?”

“How am I supposed to believe you?” she asks right before she falls into another fit of sobs.

Anger rises in me, clawing at my insides until my resolve weakens. We have to fix this, and we have to fix it now.

“Hold her,” I whisper to Lucas before slipping out of bed.

I don’t think Haven even realizes I’m leaving. She’s too out of it. I hate abandoning Lucas and making him support her alone, but I have to talk some sense into Colton. It’s the only way to properly fix things.

Colton is still in the living room. Star is sleeping next to him on the couch, and he’s petting her absentmindedly while reading a book.

“We need to find some type of compromise.”

Colton is silent, and for once, he doesn’t wipe his expression off his face to hide his feelings. He isn’t one to admit he’s wrong, but I know he’s aware he fucked up, even if he doesn’t regret it.

“Any suggestions?” he asks, voice tight.

“We need to work our way up to fucking her and not dive in like that.”

“I didn’t fuck her.”

“You still violated her on a level you didn’t need to.”

“It worked, though.”

“Stop deflecting,” I snap. “You took it too far, and she’s been having an ongoing panic attack ever since. She was even restless while she was asleep.”

Colton narrows his eyes. “Since when did you grow a conscience, Eldridge? It doesn’t suit you.”

“Since it suits her.”

He clenches his jaw, looking away.

“I’m still on board with your plan,” I remind him. “But we need to cool it a bit. Hate or not, I know you don’t want to push her this far.”

“What are you suggesting?”

“Apologizing to her, for starters.”

Colton flashes me a deadly glare. “Like hell I will.”

“God fucking dammit, Colton! At the bare minimum, Haven needs to know her body is safe. That’s always been our number one rule. We could hurt her any way but physically. And you fucking broke that.”

“Things changed,” he growls.

“Why, because we’re supposed to be protecting her? Do I need to remind you from what?” I shove him, knowing the only reason he stumbles back is because he wasn’t expecting it.

“We were clear when we discussed our agreement that—”

“I don’t care! Some motherfucker wants to hurt her. Possibly kill her. We’re the only people she can turn to for help, and we’re going to treat her the same way he would? Do you not see how fucked up-that is?”

“She’s not going to open up on her own,” he snaps. “That’s what I got her to do. Some asshole raped her, god knows how many times. My best bet is that it’s the same guy who’s after her now, although she won’t fucking confirm it.”

“She told you that?”

He nods. “All those people we thought she fucked? She didn’t. Not a single one. She was too scared and couldn’t get past her fear. Taking it slow doesn’t work with her. Not for this.”

“So your solution is to rape her more,” I say flatly.

“If that’s what it takes.”

You’ve got to be kidding me.

“Do you hear yourself right now?” I shout.

“Don’t tell me you don’t want to,” he challenges. “I’ve seen it in your eyes. Lucas’s too.”

I rear back. He’s right. I know it’s wrong, wanting to force yourself on a person—even more wrong to act on the desire. But it’s there, and it always has been. I want Haven underneath me, fighting me, screaming and begging me to stop while I fuck her. I love the idea of her being completely helpless against me.

But not in the way Colton did.

“Not like this,” I seethe. “What you did was torture.”

I’m aware that maybe I’m drawing a line where there shouldn’t be one, but for me, it’s there. It’s still too far—I’m well aware—but I accepted the darker parts of myself ages ago. But I don’t think I’d ever go as far as Colton went today.

“It worked,” Colton says. “We’re one step closer to uncovering what she’s hiding.”

I’m too pissed to think logically. Colton has his guard up now, so when I swing at him, he shoves me back so hard I slam into the wall. It knocks the breath out of me, but I’m lunging at him again immediately. He’s a wall of muscle, just like Lucas, but I have rage on my side.

When I slam into him, he stumbles back, but he’s ready with a counter blow. Just as he’s winding up to punch me, Lucas’s deep voice fills the room.

“Back the fuck off.”

Colton and I turn to find him halfway down the stairs. His hair is a mess, and the glare he has pointed at Colton is murderous.

“Get away from him.” Lucas stalks toward us, and even though Colton backs off, Lucas still shoves him before searching me over. “You okay?”

“Fine. Did Haven fall asleep again?”

Lucas shakes his head. He’s stiff as hell with his jaw set and his eyes clouded over. “She only got worse after you left. I’m going to get something to calm her down.”

The edge to his voice has me forgetting about Colton for the moment. I follow as he marches toward the garage, reaching for him.

“Luc—”

“Don’t.” He dodges me and grabs his jacket.

He’s far past pissed and miles beyond angry. Something unleashed the fury he normally keeps tamped down, and he hates being near me when that happens. He’s always afraid he’ll lash out, but I know he wouldn’t. He’s nothing like his father.

Lucas slams the garage door behind him, and moments later, I hear the sound of him starting up his bike. I hate that he thinks he has to be alone when he’s like this. Hate the way Haven is feeling right now. Hate myself for not being able to stop any of it.

We’re a mess—an absolute, goddamn mess—and it’s all Colton’s fault.

I whip around to face him. “You’re never doing something like this again, you hear me?”

Before Colton can respond, a scream comes from upstairs, quickly followed by a loud crash. We both jump into action immediately, racing up the stairs and to my room. I make it there first and burst inside.

Haven is out of bed, and one of Lucas’s pocketknives is on the floor by my dresser. Haven is crawling toward it while trying to keep herself from crying.

“What the hell are you doing?” Colton demands.

She reaches the knife and snatches it up. “I can’t get the damn thing to open.” She tries to pry the blade out with her fingers, but it doesn’t budge, so she throws it with another yell.

I don’t think I’ve ever been more grateful for a safety mechanism on a knife.

“You don’t need a knife,” I tell her gently.

“Yes, I do.”

“Haven—”

She starts crawling toward it again, but I grab her before she can reach it and haul her back.

“No,” she yells as she thrashes in my arms. “I can’t do this. It’s not worth it. None of this is worth it.”

“You don’t mean that.”

“Let me go!” She twists, managing to jam her elbow into my side.

My arms only lock around her tighter. I’ll take any pain she gives me if it means she’ll feel even a little better.

“Should’ve jumped,” she whispers. “Should’ve…”

Colton freezes, a blend of realization and horror on his face.

“What’re you talking about?” I ask, glancing between her and Colt.

“Is that why you were trying to get to the bridge the other night?” Colton asks. When Haven doesn’t answer, he crouches in front of her and grabs her chin, forcing her to look at him. “Answer me.”

She yelps, kicking at him and landing a blow to his ribcage. “Leave me alone!”

“Tell me the truth. Were you going to jump off the bridge to get away from that guy?”

With a whimper, Haven nods. Colton releases her chin and sits back on his heels. When his gaze meets mine, I’m taken aback by the anger blazing in his eyes. Not because of how potent it is—I’m used to that with Lucas—but because it’s pointed at no one but himself.

“Please,” Haven gasps out. She’s eyeing the knife, only a few feet away on the floor.

Colton picks it up and slides it into his pocket. “You don’t want to die, angel,” he says softly.

“You don’t… know… what I want,” she manages. She’s still struggling against me, but she’s too tired to pull free from my grip.

“That’s the thing. I do. Better than you do yourself right now. Haven, I… I’m sorry. I went too far. I never meant to make you feel like this.”

When Colton reaches out to touch her, she shies away, and I shift her in my lap so she’s farther away from him.

“Don’t,” I bite out. “And don’t think that’s all you have to do to make up for this.”

“I—” He stops. There’s guilt in his eyes as he watches Haven, and it looks genuine, but it’s not enough.

“You’re going to do a hell of a lot more than just apologizing, Colton Heverly. A hell of a lot more.”