Page 22

Lucas

By the time I get home from working out, I’m exhausted and even more on edge than I was last night. Comforting Haven through her panic attack this morning was like traveling through time. All of a sudden, we were eighteen again, and her pain was my pain. I wanted to help her—wanted to take on all her fear so she wouldn’t have to bear it.

It disgusted me.

When Haven told Mark about the briefcase, she didn’t just take away Xander’s path to get into the Glass Rooks. She broke our trust.

Haven knew not to believe a word that came out of Mark’s mouth, yet she did it anyway. All it would’ve taken was a phone call—hell, even a text—to warn Colton after Mark left, and we would’ve been able to let it slide. But she didn’t. She decided to believe Mark’s lies instead.

I’ll never forgive Haven for causing us to lose our leverage over Mark. Xander almost lost his chance to join the Rooks because of her. Even though most of the leadership wanted to let him in, Mark refused, purely to spite Colton. It wasn’t until my stepdad finally questioned Mark’s reasoning that he gave in. He knew he didn’t have a good way to explain his actions without looking like an ass.

So when Haven is the first person I see upon entering Colton’s mansion, my anger only flares up more. She’s in the kitchen, and I spot Xander a moment later. It looks like she’s sitting with him while he makes dinner.

“Hey,” Xander says with a smile when I drop my gym bag to the floor. He sets down the knife he’s holding and crosses the kitchen to drop a chaste kiss on my lips. “Training go good?”

“It was fine, I guess.”

Honestly, I don’t click with a lot of the guys on the team. They’re good players, but I grew up so differently than most of them. Add in the Glass Rooks and that I spend my limited free time hacking into whatever my superiors tell me to, and we have very little in common.

“We still have a good forty-five minutes left before dinner is ready,” Xander tells me. “I think we’re watching a movie after.”

“Oh?” I lift a brow in surprise.

I assumed Colton would want to jump right into training Haven to be our perfect little toy. Watching a movie sounds oddly tame compared to what I was expecting from him. Although, I suppose he was alone with her all morning. He probably did some fucked-up shit to her then. Maybe that’s why her shoulders are so tense and she won’t look up from where she’s sitting at the counter.

“I figured a little downtime would be nice before we’re thrown back into our regular schedules. Colton seemed to think it was a good idea when I suggested it.”

Tossing a disinterested glance at Haven, I ask, “Is she joining?”

“That’s the plan.”

I’d prefer she stayed locked in her cage after dinner, but if it’s what Xander and Colton decided, then whatever. I can deal with it.

“Fine. I’m showering.”

As I walk past Haven, I steal another glance at her. She’s dressed in the tiniest pair of shorts and a thin crop top. No bra—we decided not to give her any—so I can see the outline of her nipples through the fabric. An array of flowers and vines centered around a crescent moon expands across her chest, the black ink still crisp. It’s a fucking gorgeous tattoo.

I hate it.

Upstairs, I strip and step into the steaming shower. Water pours over me, washing away the sweat from my workout. Being locked up in my room gives me the space from Haven that I need. Spending hours today shopping for her meant she was constantly in my head. I even threw extra things into our cart that weren’t on her list, simply because I thought she’d like them.

Now, remembering I did that pisses me off even more.

When I step out of the bathroom, Xander is sitting on my bed. He watches me with a knowing look as I rub lotion into my skin.

“Want me to get your back?” he asks.

“Sure,” I mumble.

His hands are gentle as he spreads the lotion over my skin. Even with how frustrated I am, I feel myself relaxing at his touch. It’s been this way for as long as I can remember. No matter how horrible things were, being around Xander calmed me. He was my escape when I didn’t have one.

“I know this is hard for you,” he says, his voice quiet.

Sighing, I step away and grab a clean pair of briefs and sweatpants. “I’m tired, and I’m… god, I’m so angry.”

“I know. I’m angry at her, too.”

“No, it—it’s consuming me.” Even though it goes against all my instincts, I turn to look at him. Facing Xander is like cutting open my chest and giving him access to all of me, even the ugly parts. He can see every thought, every worry, every emotion.

“You’re not him, Luc.”

“Not yet.”

“No.” Xander steps up to me, his expression hard. This time, when he grabs my shoulders, his touch isn’t gentle. It’s firm. Desperate. “You’re nothing like your father.”

“That’s not true, and you know it. I’m so angry, Xander. That’s all he was, and it’s exactly what I’m becoming.”

“What matters is what you do with that anger.” He shakes me. “You don’t resort to physical violence. You don’t push your wife around and leave your kid covered in bruises. You don’t cheat. You know how to stay in control.”

“What if he used to tell himself that? What if—”

“That’s a pointless question to ask,” Xander says flatly.

“But what if—”

“Stop, Lucas,” he snaps, and the frustration in his voice gets me to shut my mouth. “I knew him, and I know you. You are not turning into him, and if you ever start to, I’ll put a stop to it immediately. You have my word on that.”

My shoulders sag. “I know.”

“You just need a few days to even out. This is a big change. Having her so close is nerve-wracking for all of us.”

“I feel like I’m gonna explode,” I mutter tiredly.

“I know. I’m right there with you.”

Sighing, I lean my forehead against his. We lapse into silence. Xander places a hand over my heart, and after a minute, our breaths sync up. I used to do the same thing to Haven to stave off her panic attacks. Sometimes, all she needed was someone steady and calm to remind her that she was safe and protected.

“Dinner is in the oven,” Xander says right before kissing me. “I should go check on it.”

“Yeah,” I sigh. “I guess I should head down, too.”

His hand slides into mine, and he leads me downstairs. We both remain silent, but he doesn’t have to say anything for me to feel his support. Xander has my back.

He always has.

Once dinner is ready, we all eat at the table—even Haven. She’s oddly quiet, and she keeps her eyes locked on her plate the entire time. I was expecting some level of bitching from her, but whatever Colton did to her today must’ve tamed her some.

She’s not broken yet—she’s stronger than that—but I can’t deny how satisfying it is to see immediate progress like this.

“Monthly meeting is coming up,” Colton says as we’re finishing our food.

“A meeting for what?” Haven asks.

We ignore her.

Standing, Xander grabs my plate and his. “How do you think it’ll go?”

“People have started respecting the things I have to say since…” Colton’s gaze slides to Haven for a split second before he focuses on me and Xander. “Since you-know-who has backed my opinions.”

Xander nods. “That means good things for us.”

“For everyone,” Colton clarifies.

It’s the on-brand thing for him to say. His main priority has always been taking care of everyone inside the organization.

The Glass Rooks have monthly meetings to determine that we’re making headway in achieving our goals—as a collective and as individuals. At least, that’s what they’re supposed to be for.

The higher-ups are always at the meetings—including Mark and my stepdad—and everyone else rotates through so their voices are heard. Since Mark has been grooming Colton to take over the Rooks since birth, he has to attend them all.

For years, the Glass Rooks has been straying further away from its founding values. He’s trying to stop it, but Mark has preyed on the greed of a significant amount of the men who hold power within the organization. Things are changing, and only the ones at the very top are benefiting.

I know Xander wants to ask more questions, but we can’t with Haven around, so I follow him into the kitchen. This area of the house is all open concept, so it doesn’t give us any privacy, and that only sours my mood further. If Haven wasn’t here, we wouldn’t have to worry about censoring ourselves.

“Do you want help cleaning up?” Haven asks. She’s sitting stiffly at the table, obviously unsure of what she’s expected to do.

“Don’t worry about it,” Xander says as he starts rinsing off dishes. “Just bring yours and Colt’s dishes over here when you’re done.”

Shoulders tense, Haven does what he says. She lingers near the counter and stares at Xander and me as we load up the dishwasher. I can only take it for a few minutes before I whip around and glare at her.

“Why are you hovering?” I demand sharply.

Wringing her hands, Haven steps back. “I’m used to this being my job.”

It takes me a second to realize what she means. She’s not talking about living with Athelia. She’s talking about before.

“I’ve never lived with a man without…” She gestures to the sink. “Without being the one who does all the housework.”

“We’re not gonna make you do that,” Xander says.

Colton looks up from scrolling on his phone. “That so?”

“I think everything else we have planned is enough,” Xander answers smoothly. “But I have no desire to force her into being some kind of mock trad wife. That shit is disgusting.”

Colton tips his head forward. “Fair enough.”

I slam the dishwasher shut and turn it on. “Now that that’s decided, are we watching this movie or not?”

“Sure.” Standing, Colton moves to the freezer. “Ice cream?”

“Sounds good to me,” Xander says, and I nod.

Colton grabs the ice cream and then pulls three bowls from the cabinet. I narrow my eyes. To those who know him well enough—mainly me and Xan—Colton is far too predictable. Normally I support his plans, but not this.

Never this.

“Can I have some?” Haven asks, staring longingly as Colton dishes out the ice cream.

I go still. I already know what Colton is going to say, and despite how much I despise Haven, it has my blood boiling.

“No.” Colton places the lid on the carton. “You have to earn something like this.”

Haven’s face falls. “But—”

“Absolutely the fuck not,” I snap, grabbing the ice cream from Colton before he puts it in the freezer.

He raises a brow, for once showing a hint of surprise. “What?”

“We can hurt her, fuck her, make her sleep in a cage—I don’t care. But you don’t do this shit. If she wants ice cream, she fucking gets it.”

Colton is looking at me like I grew a second head. “You’ve been pissy all day. What the hell has gotten into you?”

I grab the scoop and another bowl, ignoring his question. “I’m fine with a punishment and reward system, but there are lines we can’t cross. This is the type of thing that fucks with women their entire lives.”

Haven makes a startled noise, quiet enough that I almost miss it. It’s like a stab to the heart, and guilt twists the knife in further.

I should’ve done more.

I should’ve paid closer attention.

“Food will never be a reward,” I say firmly, “and withholding it will never be a punishment. Are we clear?”

“Fine,” he says after a tense moment, his expression blank. “That’s reasonable enough.”

He doesn’t understand. And why would he? He doesn’t know what happened to Aurora before my family moved here. Only Xander does.

“Reasonable?” I grit out. “Do you hear yourself? Shit like this kills people, Colt.” I’m standing right in front of him now, towering over him, but he doesn’t look intimidated.

He never does.

“Luc.” Xander touches my arm. “He agreed. It’s oka—”

“No!” I shrug him off, shooting him and Colton glares. “No, it’s fucking not. We agreed to take care of her. That was your idea.” I jab Colton in the chest with a finger. “That has to come first. That’s the most important part of this agreement. We hurt, but we don’t harm. I thought you knew the fucking difference.”

He raises his hands in mock defense. “I’m not arguing. You’re right.”

“Good,” I spit out.

Despite his acquiescence, my rage is still running hot. I need to get some air before I fully crash out.

Spinning on my heel, I storm through the living room and out the front door. My ice cream is still on the counter, but I don’t even want it anymore. My body is too tense, and a scream is working its way up my throat.

But I can’t let it out.

That’s not who I’m supposed to be.

Who I have to be.

Dropping onto the front steps, I bury my face in my hands. Too fast. We got into this shit with Haven way too fucking fast. If we’d had more time to prepare, we could’ve set ground rules. Boundaries.

None of us are on the same page about what we’re going to do to Haven, and it’s going to lead to a train wreck fast. I want to make her miserable, but not in ways that could permanently damage her. That’s the difference between hurting and harming.

The front door closes softly behind me, and then Xander sits next to me on the steps. He’s silent, letting me work through the chaos in my head. Somehow, he always knows when I need a couple minutes of quiet.

“Sometimes he goes too far,” Xan says eventually, staring into the dark night.

“Sometimes we all do.”

Xander doesn’t say anything, but I know he agrees. Over the years, there were a couple times that I could see how badly we hurt Haven. She fucked Colton over and humiliated him, but that’s not what this is about anymore.

Now, Colton gets off on hurting her. Hell, we all do. I love the way she turns skittish around us. The power we have over her leaves me hungry for the way her eyes widen when she realizes she’s pissed us off. I want her fear, her tears, her desperate, terrified obedience.

It scares the hell out of me.

“I don’t know if I can do this, Xan. One second, I want to kill her, and the next, I’m pretty sure I’d die for her.”

“I feel the same way.” He nudges me with his shoulder. “I think it’s natural for us to feel protective of her, especially after the shit Colt just pulled.”

“Was I too harsh?” I ask quietly.

“If you hadn’t blown up, I would’ve.”

“All I could think of was Rora. Seeing her in that hospital bed, so tiny and pale and…” Pain slices through my chest, so potent I have to stop and catch my breath.

“I remember.” Xander’s voice is soft, and he touches my back lightly. Hesitantly.

He knows how I can get when I’m like this, and it’s rarely pretty. There’s too much anger and guilt, buried deep under a happy-go-lucky persona. When it slips, I have a tendency to hurt people.

“That’s not gonna happen to Haven,” he reassures me. “And never, ever again to Rora. Not on our watch.”

Swallowing hard, I nod. I’ve done everything I can to be there for Aurora. Hell, I even stayed in our stepdad’s home after I turned eighteen. I wanted to get out of there, but Aurora needed me close, so I set aside my issues with Greg and toughed it out.

“Our ice cream is going to melt,” Xander says when I remain silent.

“Yeah,” I mumble.

“C’mon. The movie will be fun.”

With a sigh, I take his hand when he holds it out to me. It helps, touching him. My anger ebbs just enough that I don’t snap at Colton when we enter the kitchen.

Haven hasn’t touched her ice cream, and I’m worried it’s because she’s afraid Colton will punish her if she does. So I take her bowl and force it into her hands before stalking into the living room.

“Come on,” I call over my shoulder.

We move up to the loft. It’s where we always hang out. The living room feels soulless, plus all the open space on the first floor freaks me out. No matter where you sit, someone can always sneak up behind you.

“Are you okay?” Haven asks me when I sit on the far end of the couch.

“That’s none of your business.”

She frowns, but I ignore her, watching as Colton sets up the movie. I’ve agreed to this, but that doesn’t mean I have to be happy about it.

The next movie night we have, Haven is staying locked up in her cage.