Page 83 of Puck My Life

Hate me? Why would she hate me? Oh, God, does she hate me?

I don’t get to ask, though, because I take off running out of the house with the bag.

All day, I run and work out and try to pretend like nothing happened. Like that kiss didn’t happen.

But when midnight comes, there’s barely been a minute of the day or night where I haven’t remembered that kiss and wished it could happen again.

Seeing Vae distraught like that actually hurt me. I’m alone in the house; everyone else has left, but I don’t know what to do with myself.

Vae is an omega, and she’s going into heat.

Just the thought sets me on fire and drops me a thousand feet. I picture another alpha’s hands on her, another alpha’s mouth on her skin, his knot buried deep in her, and it sends me almost feral.

I pace the house, going from one room to the next, taking in everything. The broken walls, the filthy furniture, the dirty dishes. The stove is covered in crud; the backyard is full of weeds; the porch swing is broken. My clothes are piled high. My alarm clock is broken. I have a pair of girls’ panties hanging from my ceiling fan.

“Fucking hell, she’s never going to choose us.”

I reach up and snatch the panties down and toss them in the bin, but that starts something in my mind. The compulsion is impossible to ignore. I go through every drawer, and I throw out the sex toys, the condoms, the cigarettes and cigars. I get rid of all the things that I use to forget and have fun because, now, I look at them, and none of it is fun. They almost cost me my Vae.

All of it just makes her feel bad.

And if it makes her feel bad, then it makes me feel bad.

I take all my clothes to the washing machine and manage to get it on with some triple checking.

In the kitchen, I find rubber gloves and start cleaning the table. Once that’s done, I clean the stove and soak the dishes. I force open the window, grunting at the effort it takes to move it.

Room by room, I go through and remove the rubbish and get the house in order. I open windows and clear out the scent, find the vacuum cleaner and spend an hour sorting that machine from hell out.

Raynor comes home at some point, sees what I’m doing, and starts helping.

In three hours, the house is clean and transformed.

It doesn’t help me feel any better.

I walk out the front with a glass of water and find Deacon sitting on the porch, staring at his hands.

“Are we really that bad?”

I’ve never heard Deacon sound so completely unsure.

“I don’t know. Maybe.”

“We can change, though, can’t we? Is it too late to change?” Deacon asks. “I keep playing the last couple of years over and over in my mind. I thought she was happy; I thought she felt the same way we did. Happy, having fun. I mean, why wouldn’t she feel safe with us? For me, the omegas, the betas, they were nothing but what was expected of us. Vae was the only person who is important.”

I sit down beside him and put a hand on his thigh, squeezing.

“We’re not exactly the most responsible guys. We like having fun, and we enjoy our easy life.”

“I know, but if she needed us, we would have stopped doing it all in a second. She’s Vae,” he stresses. “I just think about her going through all this alone and-”

Deacon closes his eyes.

“What was she thinking?”

I don’t have an answer, but even if I did, I don’t get a chance to say anything when I hear Deacon’s name being called.

She’s wearing a short skirt, a pink top, and has her hair artfully styled in a loose ponytail.