Page 123 of Puck My Life

Malcolm whispers to me in the dead of night. I’m sitting on his lap in the backyard, and we’re looking up at the stars. He kisses my neck, murmuring how beautiful I am.

I rub my face and see Deacon, exhausted but smiling as he walks into the nest the morning the heat broke. He’s gone out and gotten breakfast for us. It’s just junk food, but it’s my favourite, those little pikelets that are so sweet and hot. We get back into bed, and while I’m eating, Deacon falls asleep with his head in my lap. His arm wrapped around me.

He’s always had trouble sleeping. But, right now, he’s out like a light. I stroke his hair, not wanting to move but knowing I have to. Still, because Deacon is asleep on my lap, I reach for my alarm and change it for an hour later.

I just don’t want this moment to end.

But it’s the memory of Raynor moving in me in the middle of the night while the other two are asleep, our hands laced together, his mouth pressed to mine, whispering that he loves me over and over, that has me curling into a tight ball of pain.

I close my phone and stare into space for a long time, refusing to let my brain go back to them, then I get back up and keep scrubbing. Maria always said hard work killed idle thoughts.

I have one dream left. Only one reason to keep fighting in this world.

Focus.

Focus on the dream.

“After all, it’s all I have left.”

Raynor

PAST

I walk into the kitchen, turn on the music, grab Vae, and dance her around the small table.

She lets out a peel of laughter I haven’t heard in too long. She’s too serious, I need to see her smile.

“Make us a cake.”

“What?” she says as I pull us to a stop.

“Let’s live wildly. Let’s eat cake and dance and drink wine.”

“Raynor-” she tries to protest, but I swing her off her feet and dance her into Deacon’s room, only to throw us both on top of him.

“Get off!”

“We love you, Deacon!”

Mal takes a running leap, squishing us to the bed and making Deacon cry out.

We ate cake. Danced. Ate pizza for dinner and got drunk. Just the four of us.

I raise my glass close to midnight. “Rest in peace, Maria.”

“Rest in peace,” Vae says softly. She reaches out and holds my hand tight.

PRESENT

“Where’s Vae? She didn’t come home last night. Or this morning. Where is she?”

After the party, Vae had disappeared, but she’s supposed to be here for the game; she promised. She would never miss their games.

Chills steal up and down my spine. Something’s wrong.

Mal shrugs and refuses to look at me. He’s withdrawn into himself ever since Indy came on the scene. The photos that went up on social media today of her wearing an enormous diamond ring sent Mal into a rage I haven’t seen since he was a kid. He almost destroyed the workout room right up until the coach came in and glared at him.

He’d pulled it together, but the team is wary of him, cautious.