Page 121 of Puck My Life

I walk into the kitchen and take the envelope out of my jeans pocket and place iton the table.

It’s all that I have left to give them. My heart written in words and a hope for a happy future–for all of us.

It’s fitting that it should end here.

I stumble back away from the kitchen, seeing the ghosts of them as teens, aging around me into strong alphas who have so much potential.

I go to the room I’ve been avoiding. Raynor’s room, where we built my nest. I open the door, and it’s my scent and theirs, and it hits me in a hot wave.

I walk in and close the door.

When I walk out half an hour later, my chest is heaving, tears are streaming down my cheeks, but I feel stronger, better.

“I’m sorry that I wasn’t enough,” I spit through clenched teeth.

I back out of the house and then push my key through the letter slot.

It’s over.

I’m numb as I climb into Jansen’s truck. He drives me not to the apartment that Marilyn got for me but to the bakery where I’ve decided to move into. That was our deal. If I allowed him to help me move, he had to let me do this alone. To start living alone.

He had protested a fair bit about me living here alone. But, in the end, I think he realised that I needed it.

It’s pretty crappy, but it’s clean, and it’s mine. I don’t need anything bigger than that.

The movers carefully bring my things up, and Jansen stops at the bottom of the stairs and looks around.

“It needs cleaning, but it will be good.”

He smiles. “I can see it. What are you called?”

“Neverland.”

He snorts a laugh. “Well, I’ll be back when you open, but let me know if you need anything beforehand. Promise me you will call me. I hate that I have to go on this trip.”

I force myself to laugh. “I can’t thank you enough, Jansen,” I say softly.

“It was my pleasure, Vae. You take care of yourself, and anytime you need help, heat or otherwise, you let me know. I will always be available to you.”

I hug him. His warm spice scent is comforting but nothing that attracts me. I wish it did. God, I wish it did.

He leaves, and the closing of the door is awful because now, for the first time, I’m alone. Truly alone. It feels like if I break the silence, there will be an echo.

I pull out my phone and look through the people I could call. I don’t want to bother the people I could call, but most of my contacts are to do with the Scorpions.

I’ve got the entire team on speed dial.

I look at the list and delete them one by one. I get to the coach. The assistant coach and Marilyn. Then, in a rush, I delete them, too. I sent an email to Marilyn and quit. I hadn’t touched the money she gave me, so I just destroyed the card.

Now, I have no connection to them anymore.

There are seven contacts left in my phone. Mandy and Jansen. The community centre manager. My old boss. Raynor, Malcolm, and Deacon.

I hover my thumb over the delete button, but I can’t do it. I can’t get rid of them completely.

I put my phone away and start unpacking and then cleaning the small shop front. It takes me most of the night, and by dawn, I’m so tired that I fall into bed.

My last thought is that they would have seen the letter by now.