Page 26 of Puck My Life

I run to the bathroom and wet a flannel, returning to bathe his face. He’s so hot.

“You need help, Raynor.”

I go to Mal’s bed, but just before I wake him, I realise he’s flushed as well. I look at Deacon and see him tossing around.

He lets out a deep, scary bark of a cough.

“All right. Maria isn’t home, so what would she do?”

I go to the kitchen and look through the cupboards until I find the panadol. I make up a honey lemon drink and bring a bucket with cold water and cloths in it.

With my tongue between my teeth, I carefully carry it into their room. I sit Raynor up and get him to swallow the tablets, then drink some lemon and honey. I put a cool cloth on his forehead and go to Mal, repeating the process.

After Mal is set, I go to Deacon.

I repeat the process, taking care of them until dawn.

As soon as the shops open, I check them over and run down to the local shop. I don’t have much money, but the chemist gives me the medicine and instructions on how to look after them.

When I get home, I feed them the medicine and try not to cry. For three days, I barely sleep. We don’t go to school. We don’t leave the room other than when I help them hobble to the toilet.

I’m exhausted, slumped over with my face on Raynor’s mattress, when he wakes. His eyes are clear, and he reaches out and touches my nose, stroking his finger down until he gets to the tip.

“I love you, Vae.”

Those three words change everything.

PRESENT

I wake up to the sound of a car crashing and groan and pull my pillow over my head. Damn it! Someone is either up early or didn’t sleep and is playing his game. My money is on Raynor. He doesn’t sleep well at the best of times and needs music to silence his mind and the memories or a game to get out the frustration.

We all need a way to silence the memories some days.

With sleep receding, I realise that Raynor deliberately stayed out to keep me from leaving last night. I let out a deep growl. I’d crept to bed around one am, finally conceding defeat. My last night spent alone in the house sure was special.

My door opens, and Mal creeps in. I can tell it’s him by the way he moves as he climbs under the covers and into bed with me. These are the times when it’s the most painful thing in the world to be the recipient of his affection. His hot,hard body engulfs mine. Those familiar arms, that scent that I love so much, the sounds he makes. I know them all.

“Missed you, Veevee.”

“I thought you guys weren’t coming home?” I murmur.

“Party got boring. Wanted to come and see you.”

He snuggles down, burying his face in my neck and pulling me into him. I wrap my arm around his back, even as he throws a leg over my thighs.

“What happened to Raynor?”

“He saw someone he knew from back then. Went to Scotty’s and got hammered. Picked a fight with a couple of people. I got a call to come get him at four this morning.”

I wince. “I’ll talk to him.”

Mal sighs in contentment, a big gusty huff that shifts my hair and leaves me wishing this moment could last forever.

“Are you happy, Mal? With Indy? With your life?”

“Abso-fucking-lutely. It’s the best. I get to play hockey with my lover, fuck the most beautiful girl in the world, and live with my best friends.”

They are the words I should want to hear, right? He’s happy. They absolutely rip my heart out, leaving me feeling dirty and like there will never be a light that shines bright enough to take away these shadows.