Page 5 of Puck My Life

I close my eyes and count to three and then do it again.

I cannot deal with this. I really can’t. Everything about their parties is just too much. I hate them. I hate the mess, the cleaning, the smell of all those different people invading my space.

I stalk around Indy and get to the front door, only to pause when I find my keys missing.

“Where are my keys?” I shout.

“Mal’s taking the car,” Indy says and gathers her jacket, pulling it on. She’s dogging my steps, driving me further and further away.

I stop dead.

I’m trapped in this hellhole.

I can’t escape. The furnace of heat threatens to spill over. I slip into the garden, counting to ten and taking deep breaths.

I don’t feel well.

I think I’m coming down with the flu. All I want to do is go to bed, but I can’t.

I hear the car drive away and return to the house.

For a long time, I just stare at the mess, and then, because there really is no other option, I get to work.

Vae

PAST

He’s been here a day, and he’s already perched on the windowsill, halfway out the door. My lower lip trembles as I take a tiny step towards him.

“Raynor,” I whisper his name. My heart is breaking. What if he gets hurt? What if he’s alone?

I stand there in the moonlight that spills into the room, tears streaming down my cheeks, unable to think of something to say to make him stay.

“Let him go; we don’t need him!” Deacon growls.

I let out a little sob; it just explodes out of me, loud and startling.

He pauses on the windowsill, looking back. His eyes are so calm; he’s not scared at all, but I am. I’m scared enough for both of us.

“You promised you’d stay with me forever,” I whisper.

He’d said it when he first saw me, and I think I’d fallen in love with him then, as much as a seven-year-old can.

Raynor, with all his concentrated intensity, hesitates, freedom and a life unexplored just one jump away, me and the crappy home he doesn’t want caging him in.

I think he’s going to do it; he’s going to leave. I cry harder, my stomach hurts, and I can’t stop.

He comes back slowly, shifting his body like it hurts until he’s back in the room, his hands clenched. He stares out the window, mourning the life he’s not going to have.

I run to him and wrap my arms around his waist, burying my face in his back. I’m sad he can’t chase his dreams, but I’m just so relieved that he’s staying with me.

“Okay, Vae, okay. I’m not going anywhere.”

PRESENT

“Are you sure?”

“I’m really sorry, Vae, but I’m absolutely sure, and I’m not wrong. The results are crystal clear.”