Page 71 of Next to Everything We Wanted

Ellis held up his hands. “That’s not my fault.”

“We’re all at fault,” Phoenix said. “We don’t listen to each other anymore. We can’t even act like we freaking like each?—”

“CAN ANY OF YOU LET ME FINISH FOR ONCE?”

Not even shouting to the crowd in an arena with thousands of people, microphone or not, had been that piercing. My words bounced off the walls and scurried around the house, filling any empty space. They rang in my ears, pounding in my head.

This time, no one looked furious. No sadness, no disgust. All four of my bandmates were blank in surprise, like an empty page waiting to be written on.

It was time to write something new.

“We didn’t make this band to repeat our experience in the music industry,” I said as I stood up. “I know we all love each other, and I don’t want that to be destroyed because we outgrew our old way of protecting ourselves.” My gaze went to Forrest, whose jaw clenched. “We can’t keep sticking to this old formula.”

When no one answered, I kept talking. “Sienna and I haven’t hung out a lot, but she makes me feel safe. She considers how I feel and doesn’t judge me for it. I want friends outside of this circle. Being around the four of you, with all these rules, is suffocating.”

“Suffocating?” Forrest bellowed. “Being around us, the people who love you the most, issuffocating?”

“He’s right.” Phoenix leaned back in his chair, crossing his arms. “It’s about time someone says it.”

I smiled, despite the anger burning in my chest. “I should’ve had a backbone before. Once I realized that it isn’t the end of the world that Sienna knows my name?—”

“You told her yourname?” Forrest rose from his chair, gripping the table with his fists.

Yeah, I was about to die.

If I’m going to hell, they better play “Midnight Kiss” after all.

“I-It was an accident,” I stammered. “It slipped in a conversation?—”

“So, all the time we’ve spent being careful was for nothing?” Forrest hissed, his face reddening so much that I expected steam to come out of his ears. “You trust some teenage girl to keep your secret?”

“My first name is the only thing she knows about me!” I threw my hands in the air. “For crying out loud, no one should have panic attacks over someone knowing what theirfirstname is. About ninety-five percent of people wouldn’t know who I am with only my first name.”

His nostrils flared. “Gavin, I don’t know what the hell is making you?—”

“We need to stop worrying about the worst-case scenarios,” I said. “Yes, safety is important, but we weren’t on top of the world. There needs to be balance, and we—youhavenone.”

The heat in Forrest’s expression remained, but he didn’t say anything as he crossed his arms over his chest.

“Do you want this second chance bad enough to treat it as something other than a set formula?” I asked. “Do you want to discover a new recipe?”

Forrest narrowed his eyes at me before he finally spoke. “I’m going home.” He spun on his heel. “You can either join me in the car or walk back. I don’t give a crap.”

My chest heaved as I watched him leave, my heart hammering as if I’d run up a flight of stairs. I had no idea what this meant for the band, and even more importantly, our friendship.

But itneededto happen.

Mrs. Moody strolled into the kitchen, apprehension on her face. “Everything alright? Do you guys want another try at the milkshake?”

“No, Mom.” Ellis frowned, handing her the cup of the melted milkshake. “We’re done.”

The week crawled by like a turtle in a sandstorm. Forrest had managed to say less than two words to me since Sunday night at Ellis’s house. Phoenix and I still talked, though not like we usually did.

And our band practice on Tuesday was insufferable. Phoenix and Forrest kept snapping at each other over the dumbest things, and Celeste was the peacemaker as always, but even she seemed snappy. And Ellis, who was usually carefree, brooded in silence.

Yeah, I’d died and gone to hell. Why wasn’t “Midnight Kiss” playing?

After our horrible rehearsal, I went outside with my guitar and songwriting notebook. For the first time in a month, new lyrics popped into my mind. I strummed my guitar as I tried to come up with a melody.