Page 112 of Next to Everything We Wanted

“No. Why don’t you believe me?” Tears pricked the back of my eyes. Great, wouldn’t I be a terrible person for crying because my best friends didn’t believe my lie. “I . . .” I slumped my purse over my shoulder and slid out of the booth. “I need to go.”

“Wait!” Raina followed me out of the booth. “Where are you going?”

“Home.” I spun on my heel.

“Sienna, I’m sorry. We’re just worried about you?—”

“You don’t need to be.” The tears falling from my cheeks said otherwise. I didn’t want her to see me like this. I’d seen her cry more times than I could count, but having the roles reversed made me want to crawl into a hole. “I-I just can’t be here anymore.”

I heard Raina’s footsteps travel behind me. “What did Ivan do to you?”

Shatter my heart.“I don’t want to talk about it.”

She grunted. “I’m going to hurt him.”

“Don’t.” I finally looked at her, my body shaking. “Just forget it.”

She wrapped me into a hug, rubbing my back. “I’m so sorry, Sienna. You don’t deserve this.”

“I know.” I pulled out of the hug. “I just need to go.”

She nodded, the heaviness in her eyes only growing. “I understand.”

I turned around before sprinting to my car, humiliation washing over me from how many people were looking.

After sobbing for a few minutes, I flipped down the mirror to take myself in. Mascara ran down my puffy cheeks, redsurrounding my irises. This wasn’t the confident girl I’d grown to love. This Sienna was shattered into tiny pieces. Over aboy.

With trembling hands and an ache in my chest, I pulled up Ivan in my contacts and sent a text.

Sienna

Hey, sorry I’ve only been checking in on you through Everett. I know you don’t want to talk to me after what happened, and I don’t want to be selfish. I’m sorry for how I reacted. Just please let me talk to you one more time before you cut me out of your life.

Being in my room on a Friday evening wasn’t anything close to right.

I was supposed to be singing along with Somewhere in the Sky, feeling the beat of Gavin’s music through my chest. My friends and the twins were supposed to surround me, screaming the lyrics until their lungs gave out.

Instead, Bailey’s snores filled the air as she hogged all the space on my bed.

“You’re making this hard for me,” I muttered to her as I sat at my desk. I wanted to sketch a new design, though I didn’t have it in me anymore to create. I didn’t even want to listen to music. It’d only been half an hour since I’d texted Gavin, but I still didn’t have an answer. He probably still wanted me gone.

I searched through my purse, looking for my favorite pink flair pen to scribble on loose pieces of paper out of boredom. The letter teased me at the bottom of the bag.Do it, Sienna. Just do it.

My anger sizzling, I snatched the envelope out and ripped it open.After this, I never have to think about her ever again. I drew in a painful breath before looking at the words in front of me.

Dear Sea,

My beautiful girl, I’ve missed you so much. The past few months, I haven’t been able to keep my mind off how things ended between us. Ha, this sounds like a breakup letter, doesn’t it? You understand what I mean. At least, I hope you do. I wouldn’t be surprised if you’ve thrown this letter in the trash before reading it. If you haven’t, you’ve probably considered it. Either way, I don’t blame you. I’ve been the worst excuse for a mom.

I know it seems like I never wanted you to be a part of my life. That’s not true. After my parents died, I was lost and wanted a change. I thought I wanted to be away from you because it’d make everything better for all of us. I had so many dreams ahead of me but didn’t have the wisdom to get far with them. I thought getting older meant I didn’t have room to change anymore, but that isn’t true.

And I’m hoping it’s not too late to change things between us.

Tears burning in the back of my eyes, I sighed and let each word soak in.

I honestly don’t know where to start. People don’t write letters anymore, and I’ve only had to write one if I’m complaining about something and emails won’t do the trick. I’m not complaining about our distance. Well, I am, though that’s my fault. I lied to you when I said that I was going back home. Your dad knew I was lying, but he still had hope that I would change my mind.

My frustration building up, I folded the letter again and shoved it back in my purse. I couldn’t keep reading this. I knewher well enough to know she was going to make excuses that wouldn’t line up.