Page 119 of Next to Everything We Wanted

Did I?

As Dapper and I went back to my room, my mind replayed my conversation with Asher. I wanted to forget everything he said, forget about Sienna, but it was no use. After finishing my orange juice, I took the CD Sienna had given me out of my backpack.

I put it in my record player and sat on my bed with Dapper, murmuring the lyrics to “Midnight Kiss”. My mind transported me back to the Whiteout concert with Sienna. She was the first person I’d truly opened up to about my breakup with Celeste, knocking down the walls no one else could climb over.

I knew I had to listen to my brother. I was turning into my sixteen-year-old self, unable to handle the pressure of lifeweighing down on me. I couldn’t keep bottling my feelings like they didn’t matter. I couldn’t live in fantasies.

I couldn’t go down this road again.

CHAPTER 28

Sienna

Life sucked without Gavin.

I tried to keep my mind off him, but it wasn’t working. When I wasn’t thinking about how badly he’d hurt me, Mom’s stupid letter filled my mind. I hadn’t finished reading it, and as much as curiosity plagued me, I didn’t want to.

To my surprise, I didn’t have to tell Dad what happened. He heard me crying in my room, and he came in to wipe the tears off my cheek while I tried to fall asleep. I couldn’t imagine how he’d felt after Mom left. The pain in my chest from losing Gavin was unbearable.

Raina, Arielle, and Gracelynn came over on Saturday for a heartbreak dance party—something we threw every time we got in a breakup—but even the upbeat music couldn’t cheer me up. I hadn’t had a party dedicated to me since my seventh-grade breakup with Zane Rodriguez, and I wasn’t a fan.

Monday afternoon, while working behind the register at Stylebrite, my phone pinged in my pocket. I looked around before picking it up. Ivan’s name popped up in a notification bubble, and my heart nearly jumped out of my chest.

Ivan

Thanks for calling the ambulance

My pulse went wild as I cupped my hand to my mouth. He answered!

Sienna

You’re welcome

So, can we talk?

I waited for him to answer, but a customer cleared their throat. I looked up to an annoyed teenager, her face pinched.

“Sorry.” I put my phone away and mustered my usual cashier smile. “Welcome to Stylebrite, how can I brighten your day?”

When I finished helping her, I glanced at my phone again. No answer yet. I sighed, though I held onto my newfound hope.

The rest of my shift went by without my phone buzzing. When I clocked out and got in the car, I looked at my unanswered text messages. They were delivered, but I couldn’t tell if he’d read them.

With each minute, my hopes fell more and more. By midnight, I’d given up on waiting.

He didn’t want me anymore.

Like Airplanes had a gig on Tuesday night at What Do You Bean, and though we did good, I was miserable. I hated looking at the crowd and not seeing those ocean-blue eyes I’d drowned in so many times. It was stupid to miss the guy who’d hurt me so much, but I couldn’t get rid of the feeling.

Man, love wasn’t worth this.

Like, I reminded myself.You’re not in love. Just like.

On Wednesday evening, the twins came over. We were watching10 Things I Hate About Youfor what had to be the fifth time this week when Emma broke me out of thoughts.

“I want to go to What Do You Bean tonight,” she said as she finished eating her popcorn.

I frowned. “You just went last night.”