Page 176 of Next to Everything We Wanted

But the more I listened to the song, the more the lyrics resonated with me. The song was about wanting a girl who wasn’t into you and hoping you could change her mind. It wasn’t a breakup song, but something aboutI can’t change the paststuck with me.

I can’t change the past.

I can’t change the time.

But maybe I can change my mind.

My mind went back to my conversation with Justin. I’d thought I was done with music, that my past would always prevent me from what I wanted.

Could I possibly change my mind?

CHAPTER 42

Sienna

The week was dragging, and it was only Tuesday.

It was almost time for Caleb to head to New York, so we’d packed in two gigs at What Do You Bean a week, up until his departure. It’d be stupid to cancel just because of my tragic love life, but it was the last place I wanted to be.

Like Airplanes wasn’t crazy successful by any means, though we were gaining traction. Thanks to Celeste’s social media tips, we had more followers and consistent engagement. People were showing up to our gigs and singing along. Soon, we’d get to Somewhere in the Sky’s level.

My chest ached whenever I thought about Gavin’s band. I hadn’t heard from any of his bandmates, which only sealed the deal that it was over. No more networking, no more watching each other’s gigs, no more talks at our booth.

While my bandmates were having the time of their lives Tuesday night, my heart wasn’t in it. I barely managed to strum my guitar without bursting into tears, staring at some random group of friends who sat in our booth.

The final song we performed was “Disaster”, the song that had won us Battle of the Bands. As Dallas belted the lyrics to thefirst part, I remembered how Gavin had watched us perform this song that March evening. The emotion in his eyes, the smile on his face.

“Because I’m such a disaster.

Why would you ever fall for me?

Why would you ever fall for me?

We’re only meant for disaster.

Why can’t I stop falling for you?

Why can’t I stop falling for you?

It’s a road to disaster.”

Dallas’s raw words struck a nerve, building tears in my eyes. This part of the song was exactly how I felt about Gavin. I couldn’t stop falling for him even though I knew it was too good to be true, and we crashed on the road to disaster.

The song went uphill from there, turning from a heartbreak song to a love song, but that only made me feel worse. I didn’t get my happy ending. I didn’t get to come out of this with the boy I wanted.

All I’d gotten was my heart ripped to shreds.

The pain must’ve been evident on my face, because Oliver mouthed, “What’s wrong?” during the bridge, his blond eyebrows furrowing.

I swallowed the thickness in my throat. “Just emotional,” I mouthed back.

He gave me a sad nod, still strumming his bass guitar.

I looked away, unable to handle the sympathy in his gaze. I didn’t want him to feel bad for me. I didn’t want anyone to.

I could suffer in silence.

As soon as the song ended, I placed down my guitar and bolted off the stage, not looking back at my bandmates. My tears escaped in soft sobs, the coolness trickling onto my hot cheeks. An ache sliced through my body, pain exploding in my chest.