Page 157 of Next to Everything We Wanted

“She doesn’t deserve another chance,” I said, my voice breaking as my frustration smoldered. “She doesn’t deserve anything from me.”

“I understand.” Dad picked at his waffles. “We don’t have to keep talking about her. Or talk about her at all.”

I studied his expression. “Do you love Mom again?”

“Huh?” He looked up from his plate, dropping his fork.

“Do you still love her?”

He sighed. “How did you know?”

“You’re the only person who’s been there for me my entire life. I can read you like you can read me.”

“Maybe you can read me even better, given that it takes me forever to figure things out.” He let out a soft chuckle. “Can I tell the truth? It might make you upset.”

I debated telling him no, but I thought about all the times I’d snapped at him for talking about Mom. His confession back in June was the only time I’d listened to him unleash his true feelings about her.

He was alone, too.

“Yes,” I said. “You can.”

He raised an eyebrow. “Are you sure?”

I nodded.

He let out a breath. “Deep down, part of me was hoping that our family would come back together. Our talks on the phone reminded me of everything I love about her. Her laugh, the way she tells stories, her love for music. She’s changed a lot, but I can still feel the woman I fell in love with. I wanted you to forgive her, I wanted myself to forgive her, I wanted our family to go back to the way it was. I got so in my head about it, about having our picture-perfect family again. Now. . . I know how I feel, but I don’t know how Ishouldfeel.”

Dad’s eyes became glassy, and he wiped an unshed tear. “You may have gotten used to life without her, but I never did. I can’t get over the woman I gave my life to, the woman I see whenever you smile.”

Tears burned at the back of my eyes. Without saying a word, I got up to wrap him in a tight hug. He welcomed me with open arms.

“I love you, Dad,” I whispered, looking into his eyes as tears filled the amber color.

“I love you too, Sea,” he said, stroking my hair. “You’ll always be the most important girl in my life.”

My crying session left me drained, barely able to finish eating my breakfast. I sat at my desk, where my sketchbook rested next to my laptop. I groaned at it, remembering all the song lyrics and doodles about Gavin. I needed to burn the thing.

As I shoved the sketchbook into one of my drawers, I heard my phone chime from under my pillow. The chime matched the one I’d assigned to our band group chat. I ignored it, but the chimes kept going off, one after one.

Sighing, I grabbed my phone and looked at the texts. The group chat had been renamed from “Like Airplanes ” to “The Heartbreak Patrol ”. I rolled my eyes.

Raina

Are we still meeting in Oliver’s garage at two? And you’re coming, Sienna. We need to talk about everything.

Oliver

Hey I never said we could meet at my place

Raina

Well you’re the one with the cool garage

Oliver

Yeah that’s way better than living in a mansion with a theater, two living rooms, a huge family room, a game room, a loft, a giant pool, two activity decks, what else am I missing?

Raina