Page 145 of Next to Everything We Wanted

Everything she’d said was a load of bull. Gary Cole and his team were responsible for corrupting these young stars who just wanted to make a career out of what they loved.

I searchedMercury Heights Records experienceandA Search for Stars experience. The first thing that came up was aYouTube video from Stacey Stokes. I’d heard some of her music before, but I hadn’t heard anything from her in years. I clicked on the video.

In the video, Stacey discussed her experience on being onA Search for Starsand the crap they’d put her through on the show, how they told her to do this and that if she wanted to win, and that it was no surprise when she was eliminated in seventh place. They still gave her the offer for a record deal, and they restricted her to pop when she loved an older style of rock.

Her smile dipped as she got further into the story. Because of her experience at the label, she had trouble with her eating habits. She also fell into a drinking addiction and had to go to rehab.

I swallowed. Did all these past stars have addictions of some sort? Had Gavin been lucky that he’d never fallen into any? Pain grew in my chest as I thought about how differently he could’ve turned out. He could’ve slipped down the same road Stacey or Forrest had.

In the rest of the video, Stacey said that she fought to get signed out of her contract. She now released her own music, and even though she wasn’t as successful, she’d recovered from her issues and enjoyed the music she made.

Before I knew it, I’d gone down a rabbit hole of hearing others’ experiences fromA Search from Starsand Mercury Heights Records. A few people had even written books about it. Many stated they were offered money if they promised not to tell anyone about their experience.

And in many of their stories, my mom’s name was mentioned.

My stomach sank further and further until it fell through the floor. Mercury Heights wasdirtyfor this.

When I looked at the clock again, it was past three. I’d wasted the entire day researching something I’d never thought would be a big deal to me. My boyfriend had gone through so much.

And my mom had something to do with his misery.

I put my head in my hands, trying to control my breathing. This was fine, completely fine. There was no reason to freak out.

Because Gavin would never have to know about this. He’d never meet my mom, because it wasn’t like I was going to let her back in my life like that. Sure, maybe I’d still call her, but we weren’t going to meet up in person or anything.

Or maybe I was overthinking this. He knew I wasn’t like my mom and would see this as a weird coincidence if he found out who she was. I had nothing to do with this.

He knew I’d take his side if conflict ever happened between them.

Everything would be just fine.

Just freaking fine.

If only sitting with this truth didn’t make me want to throw up.

CHAPTER 35

Gavin

“Can you stop touching your hair?”

“I’m just making sure it looks fine.” I ran a hand through my hair, inspecting myself in the sun visor’s mirror. My eyes still had bags under them from tossing and turning all night—unable to contain my nerves for this gig—but I looked fine for the most part.

I didn’t want fine, though. I needed to look my best.

“It looks like Sienna ran her claws through it.” Phoenix smoothed down my hair. “There you go.”

I sighed. “You don’t know what it’s like. You never do anything with your hair.” I patted him on the head, his tight and thin curls brushing against my skin.

Phoenix threw my hand off his head. “Hey, no touching.”

“Since when did Gavin replace you?” Ellis asked Forrest from the back seat. “Fighting like siblings, riding shotgun. What’s next, is he going to wake up at noon and complain that it’s too early?”

“That’s literally what he did earlier,” Forrest said, adjusting his collar. “And I won’t complain—being me isexhausting.”

I laughed, flipping the sun visor up. “Okay, I’m done obsessing over my looks.” Maybe I would check one more time in the bathroom. “Are you guys ready?”

“I’ve been ready,” Celeste said, shifting in her seat. “I forgot how horrendous being in a car with four guys is.”