Page 90 of Mr. Green
He’s blaming me forhimbeing a coward. I’m glad I’ve come prepared.
“I don’t think that’s what happened. I think your frat brothers were in New York and wanted you to be single. I know a few things now, Ryan.” I hand over my phone.
“What’s this?”
“Proof of the jackass you really are.”
He sees all the pictures I found of him partying with his frat brothers, making out with several women who are much different looking than I am. Most of them are blonde, without glasses or a curve in sight.
I made a fake profile and asked him to follow me so we could chat. He accepted my request within the hour, the day after he kissed me at the wedding. I have messages of him telling “Crystal York” that he thinks she’s hot. He told her he’s single and wants to meet up as soon as possible. Then there’s the messages of Crystal talking to his friends. They outed him in two seconds, saying he got fired and was looking for a way to get back with his ex so he could crash. Bingo.
He swipes through all the pictures I found of him on my phone. Things I should’ve looked into a lot sooner. It would’ve given me the closureI needed.
“I think you’re right,” I start, while he gapes down at my phone. “You let someone go who loved you and would’ve done anything for you. I’m glad you did. Otherwise I’d still be blind to what a piece of shit you are. I should’ve looked into you earlier. I would’ve had a lot of answers but I was so blindly in love with you, I blamed myself.” I scoff. “I would hear your depreciating comments in my head and thought I didn’t deserve you. What I’ve found out is I was way too good foryou. I hope you get your shit together, Ryan.” I take back my phone. “Don’t contact me ever again.”
I stand up.
“What is this, Lana? You’re fucking some other dude and now you have a backbone?”
I squint my eyes at him in my most evil look. “Don’t you dare try to insult me,” I start with an even voice. “You need to take responsibility for your actions. Stop being a fucking coward and grow some balls. I deserve someone who loves me back, not someone who leaves, and thinks I’ll take them back.Youmessedup. Not me. I’m not blaming myself ever again.”
I walk out with my head high, shoulders back, and heart pumping out of my chest. I just confronted my ex. I laugh, feeling lighter already.
~
I stick to my routine for the next week. Queenie and I go running, still preparing for the marathon. I’m up to thirteen miles, but I’m trying to beat my time. I want to make it through the half marathon in under two hours and ten minutes. So far, I’ve gotten to two and a half hours.
I still meet with Jason at nights for weight training. Scarlett is out of town on her honeymoon. I’ve tried reaching out to Grant, but as soon as I type a message, I delete it. I knew he’d leave and that’s what he did. I didn’t kiss Ryan back or ask to be kissed. I had to confront the person who I’ve let keep me down for so long. I was goingto stand up to him after years of not acting like myself. Before Ryan, I would’ve spoken my mind, but I had forgotten and I needed him to know I was back. It was my final closure to our relationship and to ensure he knewneverto contact me again.
I thought of all the people in the world, Grant would understand. I think he must be going through his own stuff to be so insecure about my dipshit ex, and that’s on him. I’m not letting a guy take me down again.
My heart is a bit broken. I haven’t heard from Grant and I was close to letting him in entirely. I would have if we’d stayed together for more than three days. He’s always been everything I’ve ever wanted. Maybe after I’ve finished the marathon, I’ll have clarity on what to do about Grant. Until then, I’m focusing on achieving my best time for this long ass run. I have to focus on this or I’ll go back to staring at my phone, willing a message to pop through. I can’t do it again.
I’ve also focused on work. The books are done early and the app is complete. I spend a lot of time fixing the bugs. It’ll be available to clients next week, but the employees at the gym are using it now and giving me feedback.
Tonight, Paige and Jason are going out for drinks. I have two weeks until the contest, so I think I’m going with them. At the very least, I won’t be alone sulking in my apartment. I need to be strong.
Eight o’clock comes around and Paige knocks at my door. “Hi, La La! You ready to get your party girl on?”
Jason pops out of nowhere from behind her and starts shimmying into my place. “Hi, babe!”
“You guys are nuts.” I blink at them.
“Nuts as in we like them near our mouths!” Paige shouts, high-fiving Jason. He finds this hilarious.
“Come in before my neighbors call the white vans with the straightjackets,” I tell them, not that any of my neighbors would notice. I don’t’ even know if I have neighbors living next to me. It’s so quiet.
“I’m on a mission to find my next hot guy.” Paige bitesher nail.
“You’ve found him,” I deadpan. “It’s Jake.”
Paige has been seeing Jake for years. If she can’t find someone out at a bar or has a bad date, she calls him. She sees us the next day looking relaxed.
“It’s not Jake. Jake is a guy I hook up with once a week. You know my rule.”
“You see him more than once a week.”
I’ve never met Jake. I just hear of him, but I know Paige has already fallen for him. I have a feeling he’s exactly who she’s been looking for, but she’s scared to commit. I can tell. They call me Cupid for a reason.