Page 43 of Mr. Green
“Why do you want me?” I avoid making eye contact with him.
He cups my face, turning it to look up at him. My eyes meet his, but he looks puzzled. “Why wouldn’t I want you? I know you’re going through a tough time, but you don’t need to dismiss yourself. You’re an amazing, smart, beautiful person. You might not feel that, but I know it. I know you can see it in yourself again, because I’ve seen it before. I want to see it again. I know you’re so close.”
“I’m not there yet, though. I literally fell apart in front of you less than two hours ago. It doesn’t make sense.”
“Lana, why are you so hard on yourself? I’ve been looking for someone exactly like you for a long time. You’re perfect.”
I scoff. “I’m far from perfect.”
“Not to me. What don’t you like about yourself? You have so much negativity towards yourself. You should be your biggest supporter.”
“I’m just aware of my faults.”
“You’re the only one who sees them. If others are searching for them, then fuck ’em. You have some amazing assets as far as I’m concerned.” He grabs my ass and gives it a little slap.
“You just like my ass.”
“I do, but you’re more than just a beautiful body.” He cups one of his hands around my jaw and puts his forehead to mine. “Your smile lights up a room, you own your owngym, you can create an app in record time, you’re creative, and relaxed. Obviously you’re smart and driven, you’re just a little lost. As soon as you start seeing all the good things, others will too.”
I give him a small smile. “Thanks for coming over tonight.”
“I’d come over any night. I have to go to Texas tomorrow, but I’m coming back as soon as possible.”
I stroke his beard, staring at him like he’s going to disappear. Just like Ryan. They all leave eventually.
“I need to check on dinner,” I tell him, to get away. I start padding to the kitchen. The thought of him leaving is making me want to cry. If I start crying again, I’m going to kick my own ass.
Don’t get attached. Don’t get attached.
“Don’t take too long,” he calls from the bed. “I have something I want to keep eating.”
Chapter 30
Lana
The next morning, Grant is gone. He left a cute note on my nightstand, though.
Good morning, Sunshine!
I’m sorry I can’t see your beautiful face when you wake up, but I’ll call you soon.
Enjoy your day.
It’s nice he’s thinking about me. I need to clear my head, so I get Queenie ready for a run. My phone beeps, but I don’t look at the text. I’m assuming it’s from Grant or Jason. I want to have a clear head before I evaluate what the fuck is happening with Grant.
Queenie and I run for as long as I can. Almost seven miles later, I’m back in my apartment. I’m putting together an omelet, back to my strict diet. Last night’s dinner was heavenly, but it had a lot of oil and carbohydrates. It’s probably why I ran so much this morning. I’m meeting Jason later today for weight training.
I chop my vegetables and get the pan ready. Once the pan is warm, I start sautéing my ingredients together. I glance at my phone, ready to face reality.
Lana, I miss you.
I stand frozen with a gasp. It’s from a number I instantly recognize. I deleted it from my phone after it kept sending me to a strange voice message, but I know it by heart. I cover my mouth with my hand and forget to breathe.It’s just like the guy from your past to come back in your life once you’re moving on. They somehow know you’re getting over them and they can’t stand it. I stare at the text in disbelief. I’ve been waiting months for this exact text from Ryan.
The thing is, I’ve seen another side to what a real relationship could look like—with Grant. Although I’m still not sure if he’d actually stay with me or just wanted to get in my pants. Matt, for instance, had sex with Scarlett then didn’t reach out for five days. Grant could do the same to me.
Of course, Grant has already treated me a million times better than Ryan ever did. I’ve seen the way Grant looks at me and now I’m comparing it to how Ryan used to look at me. I think I inflated the idea of Ryan and how well I thought he treated me since it was the only relationship I ever had. Now, I’m seeing I may have made him into someone I thought was perfect, while he was far from it.
I immediately block Ryan’s number, not trusting myself to see anything else from him. I might give in if he keeps trying to talk to me. I want to see where things go with Grant. Maybe he’ll leave, but maybe he’ll prove me wrong. I also want to get a little stronger before I confront Ryan. I’ve been stuck on him for so long, I might give in and start seeing him again if that’s what he wanted. But now, I’m not sure if that’s whatIreally want.