Page 59 of Mr. Green
I walk past him swaying my hips. He walks behind me and gets the car door. He has a three-car garage filled with three luxury cars. One is a black two-seater, one is a gray SUV, and the last one is a white four-door luxury sedan. It’s plugged into the wall.
He chooses the sedan and I get inside while he unplugs it. The smell of leather and new car fill the space. He goes around to his side and then backs out of the garage, using one hand to maneuver as he keeps one hand on the inside of my thigh.
“Don’t you have a driver?” I’m curious why a guy who doesn’t drive much needs so many cars.
“Yeah. You know Andrew.”
“Why do you have so many cars then?”
“It’s a guy thing.” He shrugs.
We pass by the pristine homes and yards with the fountains. Almost everyone has solar panels, including Grant.
“Shopping isn’t really my thing. Paige likes to go, though,” I tell him, looking at all the trees passing by after we’ve gone down the road.
“Ah. I remember Paige. Wild little thing.”
I smile. “Yup, she sure is. My point is—I don’t need any clothes.”
“Sunshine, have you seen that body of yours?”
I look down, furrowing my brow.
“It’s insanely sexy,” he continues. “You keep wearing sweats to cover up, but you should really be showing off. I’ve seen your place—it’s full of color. I get the feeling you like color, but you keep picking gray and black to wear. Am I off? Do you genuinely love wearing gray and black?”
He has summed up everything I’ve ever felt about my body in the last four years. I used to always pick bright colors to wear. I still do every now and then, but I’ve been sticking to neutrals because Ryan’s voice is in the back of my head.“That looks too revealing. That color is something a hooker would wear. Isn’t purple for little girls?”
I hadn’t realized it affected me so much. All the comments over the years. All the demeaning remarks I’d never thought much about until I’m looking at it from a different perspective—thanks to Grant.
Years of questioning myself now has me wondering if Grant is criticizing my choices. My hands start shaking. Is Grant trying to change me? He doesn’t think I’m beautiful like he’s been saying in my sweats and glasses. It was all fake. A stupid fucking tear rolls down my cheek and I wipe it away as quick as I can. Grant notices.
“Lana, what’s wrong?”
“Nothing.” I look out the window with a shaky breath.
“Baby, what’s going on? Why are you crying?” He grips my inner thigh tighter.
I clear my throat. “You’re saying I don’t dress nice enough for you?”
“Lana, no, no, no!” He looks back and forth from me to the road. “That’s not what I meant at all! I’m so sorry! What I meant was you have a gorgeous body and you likecolors. Dressing is a way to express how you feel and I was thinking you can’t possibly feel so dreary all the time. I think you look amazing in anything you wear. If you wanted to wear shirts that are too big for you and leggings every day, I’d say go for it. I just think you’re missing you. It’s no judgement on you at all. You could never make me think of you as unattractive.” He pulls my leg towards him and looks over to me with pleading eyes. “You’re the most beautiful woman I’ve ever known. Inside and out. I’ll always think you’re stunning. Glasses, messy bun, sweats—I don’t care about that. What I care about is seeing the dimple and seeing the glow you have. Girls like shopping. I thought you’d be happy to find some new things to go with the person I know you are.”
The tears keep coming. I had no idea how much I needed to hear I’m always beautiful. I’m always enough. My love language must be affirmations or some shit. I don’t know why I’m having a meltdown on a perfectly wonderful day.
“Why are you crying baby? I didn’t mean to make you sad.”
“These are tears of relief now, I think.” My eyes squint in his direction. “Do you really mean I’m always beautiful?”
“Baby, if you want to ditch shopping and go on with the day, I’ll think you’re the most incredible woman in the room. I have no eyes for any other woman. You’re it. I was thinking this would be a fun activity where you could pick out things you love and feel confident in something that fits you. I just want you to know you don’t have to hide anymore, Sunshine.”
He keeps looking from the road to me, waiting for me to explain more. I’m fidgeting with my shirt and biting the inside of my cheek to stop crying.
“I don’t know if I’m ready to go shopping,” I say after a pause.
“Okay. No worries. I didn’t mean to push you. We’ll go to the other surprise I had planned.”
“Okay. You sure my leggings and shirt will be okay?”
“You look beautiful, baby girl. You’re naturally beautiful. I’m sorry if I did anything to make you think otherwise.”