Page 34 of Mr. Green

I’m still moving my body to the beat. My eyes close, hoping the tears won’t fall. Then wet drops rush down my cheeks.

I need to get out of here. I need the song to stop playing. Outside. I need to go outside.

“Be back,” I tell the girls who aren’t paying attention.

I practically run to the front, passing several people, the bouncer, and finally crossing the red rope to get out of here. I need a quiet, open space. I make it outside and the refreshing night air hits my face. I make my feet keep walking. I need to be out of ear range of that stupid song.

I rush down the street of restaurants and bars filled with people wearing a flower in their hair or one of those button-down palm tree shirts. Everyone is laughing and talking to one another. I’m looking for somewhere quiet. Somewhere I can fall apart without being embarrassed. I’ve made it down an alleyway. It’s dark as fuck. Maybe this wasn’t such a good idea, especially when footsteps clack behind me.

Where the hell did I put myself?

Then I hearhim. “What’s wrong, Sunshine?”

This can’t be happening.

I’m relieved it’s not a burglar trying to hurt me, but the relief is temporary. I don’t want his pity. I don’t want him to see me crying. I don’t want to be alone with him. Who knows what stupid decision I’ll make when it’s just the two of us.

“I’m fine,” I state, trying to sound brave. Not like I’m crying.

“Lana. You’re safe. I’m not going to say anything.” He moves closer.

If he puts his arms around me, I’m done for. I won’t be able to hold back the sobs I know are waiting to be released. I’m going to fall apart and not be able to stop. I haven’t been in someone’s arms in such a long time. I haven’t had the comfort, the love, the safety. I need to be alone.

My feet don’t move, though. I’m frozen in the dark alleyway, hoping Grant can’t see my tears or hear how fast my heart is beating.

He moves towards me with long, slow strides until he’s in front of me. His breathing hits the top of my head. I never realized how tall Grant was. Then he grabs my chin in a gentle embrace and makes me look up at him.

“I see you, Lana,” he declares as his big hand holds my little chin.

I start sobbing and he pulls me into a gentle embrace in his huge arms. He holds my head to his chest with one arm while the other arm holds me down my back and around my waist. I cry and hold on to him like my life depends on it. His shirt is damp as I move my cheek slightly. I try to explain, but it’s mostly blubbering.

Grant stays holding me, stroking my back. I don’t know why I can’t just forget Ryan. He wasn’t my match, but I had my sights on him and the life we could’ve had. He was the first one to show me what a life with someone could be like. Although Grant is showing me Ryan wasn’t as great as I thought he was, I still hate being rejected by someone I loved.

Being in Grant’s arms with his pine and cologne smell make me feel so secure. Secure to cry, secure to let go, secure to realize that maybe I deserve something better than the breadcrumbs Ryan threw at me.

I stay there, crying, shaking, possibly hyperventilating in his arms as I let the weight on my shoulders fall away. He just stands there, holding me. I never knew I needed this so much. After what feels like an hour, but was probably fifteen minutes, I’ve stopped crying.

Grant senses I’ve made progress. “Come on. Let me take you to your room.”

He never takes his arm from me as he leads me to a black town car. The driver is inside, waiting. He opens the door and lets me climb in, still holding onto me somehow.

“Scoot over, baby girl,” he tells me.

I do. I’m too much of an emotional wreck to bother with whatever the fuck is going on right now. I can’t think about how my heart leaps at hearing a normal pet name from Grant’s lips. He’s still touching me, has never let me go. He wraps his arm over my shoulder after buckling me in and pulls me into him. I give in and lean against him, the damp spot on his shirt resting against my cheek from my tears. I have no idea what to say. I just stay there, cuddled into his security.

I’m going to pretend, for this moment, I’m not a brokenhearted girl and Grant is my boyfriend, taking me home. He’s letting me stay with him for the night. When I wake up, he’ll still be there, holding a coffee. That’s what I really want. A guy who will stay with me, for me. A guy who will be there when I come home. Choose me over anything else he has going on that day. Even if it’s just wishful thinking, I’m going to pretend it’s real tonight with Grant.

Chapter 23

Grant

My Sunshine is letting those clouds go. I can tell. She’s still in denial, but she’s pulling through. I’m here to guide her out of the clouds. I want to show her I’m the sky, and I’m not going anywhere.

The more I learned about her, the more I liked. I’ve been asking. I’ve talked to Matt, Scarlett, Jason, the guy that makes her a sandwich at the café. I want to know everything about her. I know she’s just what I’ve been looking for.

She’s a girl who’s pretty, but has no idea. She’s smart, thoughtful, family-oriented, likes food, likes cooking, has her own goals with work. I can’t escape feeling like she’s perfect for me. Every smug couple will always tell you, “When you know, you know.” That’s never rang more true than right now. I know I’m supposed to be with Lana. I’ve known since I saw her again. It was like everything clicked. The girl I’ve known for years became the woman I’ve been searching for. The more time I spend with her, the more I want to be with her.

I text Matt that I left with Lana and to let her friends know she won’t be returning. He responds with a thumbs up.