Page 57 of Monarch

Lex looks out the window and then back at me, xir head moving deliberately slowly. “I am not going back out in that.”

“Clarissa, can you – ”

“Do you guys know each other?” she asks.

“Unfortunately, yes,” I say sullenly, and Lex laughs. Loudly.

“Er, okay. Well, I have to get ready for my eleven o’clock,” Clarissa says, and she disappears quicker than I can beg her to stay.

“I can’t fucking believe this,” I say to myself.

“I didn’t know you worked here. If that makes you feel any better. I have been coming here for years. And I normally sit with Ivan, but he was all booked up, which I kind of knew would be the case. I figured I’d try someone new because I really want this design, but I had no fucking clue it would be you.”

I find myself believing xem, but that only makes me more annoyed. Like why is the universe trying to hurt me like this? I close my eyes on a deep sigh.

“But I’m glad it is,” Lex says and my eyes spring open.

“What?”

“I’m glad it is you,” xe repeats.

“Why?”

“Because you’re a fucking good artist.”

In a grand act of betrayal, my cheeks heat up.

“What’s the design?” I ask, all while telling myself that looking at it doesn’t mean I’m committing to doing it.

Lex pulls a folded piece of paper out of xir back pocket. “Here.” Xe steps over to the counter and opens it up.

Xir proximity brings xir smile with xem. It’s disarming. My body knows to sneer back when xe scowls at me, but this version of Lex baffles me. That doesn’t mean xe doesn’t look good though. Wearing an oversized red plaid shirt with a black knit vest over the top, xir baggy jeans hang low on xir hips. Xir outfit looks cool. Xe looks cool. And I hate that.

I study Lex’s sketch. It’s a butterfly. A Monarch butterfly.

“Are you fucking with me?” I ask xem, finally feeling brave enough to hold xir stare.

Lex leans xir elbows on the counter and inches closer. “Areyoufucking withme?”

Xe smirks.

I don’t say anything, but I maintain eye contact. Xe will never know how much that alone costs me. I feel a deep sense of accomplishment when xe breaks away first.

“I sold my largest piece last week. The monarch butterfly installation. I want to commemorate that.”

The one I saw pictures of but never saw in person because I bumped into Roos as she was leaving the gallery. It would be a lie to say I never thought about going back to see it in person after that date and that dreamy weekend with Roos, but I was too scared. It felt like it would guarantee my bumping into Lex. Little did I know that would happen anyway just by doing my job, trying to live my fucking life.

“Listen, it’s a small city,” Lex says, and I realise then with some horror that xe is taking xir clothes off. “It’s not like London or New York. You bump into people you know in Amsterdam all the time. It’s not that deep.”

The last sentence feels like a sharp nail poking my back, making me elongate my spine.

“What are you doing?” Xir vest is off, and xir is undoing the buttons of xir shirt.

“Showing you where I want the tattoo.”

“You don’t expect me to do this?”

“I’mpayingyou to do this, so yes, I do.”