Page 34 of Monarch

“No. Well, yes, that too, but I mean, I’ve always been clear with partners when there are other people I’m sleeping with.”

“But you’ve not labelled yourself as poly or ENM?”

“No,” Mari says thoughtfully. “Like I said, there’s been no need. I haven’t had any serious relationships since… Well, for a long time.”

Lex’s name seems to fill the room without it being spoken.

“So, it’s not a problem for you?”

Mari shakes their head, making their short bob bounce. “No,” they say, “I don’t think so. I mean, are you seeing anybody else right now?”

“Nobody serious, no,” I say. “I’ve not really wanted to date recently, and it’s been enough to play with some partners I’ve met on K1NK.”

“Okay,” Mari says, and I feel like their attention is still being pulled in another direction.

Until it’s not. They blink, and their eyes land back on mine. I almost feel the warmth of their return.

“I just want us to enjoy each other for as long as we can,” Mari says.

“I want that too.” I squeeze their hand.

“Speaking of…” They stretch out their legs, hooking one of them over mine. “I was sort of offered a job here.”

“What?” I sit up a little more. “In Amsterdam?”

“Yeah,” Mari says with a small smile. “Some guy from Pink Elephant studio. Have you heard of it?”

“Err, yeah!” I exclaim. “Mari, that’s one of the best tattoo studios in the city. It’s famous!”

“Really?” They shift their weight and retrieve a card from their back pocket. “This dude.”

“Ivan Krelov,” I read. “Yep, he’s been in magazines and on TV and stuff. He really offered you a job?”

“Kind of. He offered me a chair to rent. It’s not exactly the same as a job, but it’s still an interesting opportunity.”

My stomach starts to swim, and I can’t tell if it’s with excitement or anxiety. If Mari were to stick around, that would change… nothing? Something? Everything?

“Do youwantto stay?” I ask tentatively, too fearful to hold their eye contact. I stroke the X on the back of their hand.

“I don’t know,” they say softly. “I feel really at home here. I can’t quite describe it. It just feels exciting, like there’s all this untapped potential I’m never going to experience at home. I mean, I could move to a city in the UK. Bristol is just down the road, and my mum has connections in Manchester, Birmingham, and loads in London, but still, I just don’t… I don’t feel pulled to go to any of those places.”

“Do you…do you feel pulled to stay here?” I brave a little look at them.

“Yeah…” They hold my gaze. “I do.”

It’s not because of me, I tell myself. Amsterdam is a beautiful city. Lex often talked about the creative energy that flows through it. I have no doubt it’s inspiring for artistic people like Lex and Mari.

“And I don’t expect anything from you if I did stay,” Mari adds quickly.

“You wouldn’t want to keep seeing me?” The hurt is louder in my voice than I would like.

Mari’s expression changes, their face breaking into a giddy smile. “Fuck, you know I would want that. So much. I just didn’t want to presume.”

I laugh with relief and joy and possibility. “Thank fuck,” I say.

And then we’re melting towards each other, our bodies finally surrendering to the magnetic pull we share.

“You still want me to be in charge?” Mari says as they roll their body on top of mine.