Page 104 of Monarch

It’s not what I want for the future. Or rather notallI want.

Roos looks at me for the longest time, and I hold her gaze. God, I’ve missed her cloud-grey eyes. I’ve missed the warmth of her stare. I’ve missed the way she looks at me like I have all the answers to all her questions.

The irony being that, maybe tonight, for once, I do have all the answers.

She replies to Mari but keeps looking at me as she does so. “I’m okay with that. I’m more okay with that than I thought I’d ever be.”

I believe her. I believe her, and it makes a knot in my stomach loosen a little.

“Okay,” Mari says, and I hear them take in a sharp breath.

“What about you?” Roos prompts.

“What about me?”

“Are you also okay with that?” Roos lifts her voice even more. “Are you okay with Lex coming and going like this?”

I believe Mari’s answer too when they say, “I don’t know.”

I expected this, I realise. And I want it too. I want the challenge. I don’t deserve for this to be easy.

Roos’ shoulders sink, and it’s then that I finally absorb what they’re both wearing, their rope work. The ache between my legs intensifies, not just because of how fucking good they both look butat the thought of them doing it to each other. I’ve been equally taunted and turned on for the last six months, thinking about them being together– fucking, kink, rope play, kissing, hugging, playing at QISS, sharing aftercare, sleeping curled up together. It’s made me burn with an intoxicating mix of envy and arousal, and tonight, I can finally let the flames consume me.

I hope.

Mari turns towards me. “You want to play, huh?” They raise their voice.

I nod.

“You want us to play with you? You want to submit?”

Yes, fuck, yes. That’s exactly what I want.

I nod again.

“And is that it?” Mari demands. “Is that all you want from us?”

I shake my head slowly, even though I want to shake it like a person possessed.

“You want punishment?” They tilt their head to the side. “Is that what this is? The gag? The cross? You being naked? I’ve never seen you naked before. I doubt Roos has either.”

Beside Mari, Roos shakes her head. “Not like this.”

“Did you come here to be punished?” Mari demands of me.

I swallow uncomfortably and not only because of the gag. And then I nod, once.

Mari does a twirl, waving their hands out at the art. Then they stop and gesture at the painting beside me. “Is that some kind of gift? An offering?”

I pause and then nod. Because yes, it is that. But it’s also so much more.

I hold my breath as Mari chews on their lip. I know this cautious expression of theirs.

“Is it what you want? All of us together? A future like that?”

I look at Mari. I look at Roos. I nod.

Roos brings a hand to her chest as if to slow her breathing or her heartbeat or both.