Page 17 of Monarch

I stand up and put the main light on. It produces a warm glow that makes Mari’s skin look like the colour of a juicy peach. I want to sink my teeth into their butt cheek as they lie on their front on my bed. So I do.

“Ouch!” they call out. “And there I was planning on making you dinner.”

“Dinner,” I snort, and rummage around on the floor for my panties and my sweatshirt. “Breakfast more like.”

“What time is it?”

I find my phone and light it up. “Two fifteen in the morning.”

I notice a missed call from about thirty minutes ago. It’s from a withheld number. Probably spam, I think, although I’ve never had a spam call at this time of the day.

They push up and wrap my sheets around their beautiful body. “So how about it? Can I cook for you?”

“I would love that,” I say. “Let me find you some clothes.”

It takes me a few minutes, but I manage to find a pair of old sports shorts I have had longer than I’ve been taking HRT and an oversized T-shirt that Lex used to wear on our lazy days when all we did was fuck, talk, and eat. I don’t tell Mari that it’s my ex’s T-shirt, nor do I tell them that I feel this weird pang of…something when they pull it over their head and look down at the naff 90s print of a howling wolf on the front. Xe loved that T-shirt.

“Cool,” they say with a shrug, and then they head out of my room.

I follow a moment later, pausing only to glance around my room. The sheets are puddled on the floor, there are smudges of makeup on the pillows, and the condom wrapper lies on the bedside table. I smile to myself.

Look at me, I think – or maybe tell – myself.Look at me finally moving on from Lex.

Mari has already made themself very at home in my small kitchen by the time I join them there. Pots and pans already sit on the hob waiting patiently, and their head is stuck in my open fridge, perusing each shelf with great attention.

“Tofu, sweetcorn, onion, ginger, soya sauce… Yep, I can do it. I can make us a noodle soup.”

“Sounds good,” I say.

“I can add chicken for you, if you want?” They hold out a packet of chicken breasts. It’s still strange to see meat in my fridge after living with vegan Lex for so long. Funny how Mari is vegan too.

I shake my head. “I’ll have whatever you’re having.”

And I really will. I don’t know what it is about Mari that I find so appealing, but I’m desperate to know more about it. To know more about them. The ease with which they move and talk and smile and laugh. The instant warmth I felt from them. Their sense of humour. Their…energy.

Jesus, fuck. What do I sound like? Who do I sound like?

Lex, you sound like Lex, my brain tells me.

Fuck off!I shout back.

“Pardon?” Mari turns to look at me. “Did you just tell me to fuck off? Am I, like, using the wrong knife to cut up this onion?”

They’re joking, which is a relief. “Sorry, my brain was being a…klootzak,” I say, the time of night making English a little slower than usual.

“I have no idea what that means, but it sounds bad, really bad,” Mari says as they resume chopping.

I lean against the fridge and watch them work, mostly in silence. Every now and then, I point out where they can find something, and I also poke my head in the fridge to see what else we can add once the onions, garlic, and ginger are sautéing. But mostly,I’m just watching Mari and thinking how perfectly natural they look in my tiny kitchen.

“So why was your brain being a…that bad Dutch word?” Mari asks as they fill my kettle.

“Oh, it’s nothing. Just…” It feels like a miracle that we’ve got to this point without me even mentioning Lex. I mean, Lex was the reason I was at the art gallery. Lex was the reason I was rushing out of it without checking to see if someone was walking in. Lex is the reason I, quite literally, bumped into Mari. “An ex. A shitty ex.”

“Oh, I’ve got one of them,” Mari says, and with the kettle clicked on, they lean back against the counter and face me. “Want to talk about it?”

“No,” I say, very firmly. “Definitely not. I’m trying to…forget all about this particular ex.”

Mari’s smile fades for a second, and I realise what that may have sounded like to them.