Page 12 of Monarch

“Oh, and do you like to fuck with your dick?” They reach out a hand but then stop. “I mean, also,canyou fuck with your dick?”

I smile at her awareness. “I can. I had a good doctor who told me that I had to use it or I would lose it.”

This answer seems to give them the permission they needed to touch me: one long stroke of their finger along the thin waistband of my panties.

“That’s good,” they say with a smile.

“But I don’t like certain words.Piemel, for example, that’s the Dutch word for penis, which I also hate. And cock. But dick is fine.”

“Okay,” Mari says, and they give me their eye contact, like they want me to know they’re concentrating now. But it doesn’t last. As I drop my jeans and my panties, they’re back to looking at my whole body with a hunger I don’t always see on lovers.

I saw it all the time with Lex, I think loudly enough that it makes me pause.

“Are you okay?” Mari asks.

“Yes.” I elongate my spine and pull my shoulders back. I refuse to let Lex ruin this. “Well, no… There is something wrong.”

Mari sits up. “What is it?”

“You’re wearing too many clothes. I want to see you.”

Mari smiles so widely, it changes the shape of their face into a perfect heart. And then they rush to remove their remaining clothing.

They pause when they’re in their underwear, eyes downcast and their teeth sunk into their top lip.

“Tell me,” I step closer, “tell me about your body.”

“I’m genderfluid, so sometimes, I really like my body. Like,loveit. Love my big boobs and big bum and Renaissance-painting stomach. But other days, I just…I don’t hate it. I just don’t vibe with it. I sort of feel like it’s not mine. Like when you’re wearing clothes that are too small. Or shoes that aren’t worn in yet. It just doesn’t feelright.”

I sit down on the bed next to them and reach for their hand. Now is not a time to dominate. Now is a time to meet them at their level. “I know what you mean. How are you feeling today?”

“Well, today is one of the days when I stupidly feel a bit of both. Like, I don’t really want any attention on my boobs. Sometimes I feel like they can take over the show when I’m having sex, and I really don’t want that to happen tonight.”

“Firstly, that’s not stupid. And secondly, I can do that. I can leave your breasts alone.”

Mari smiles again, and it brings me a strange amount of relief. “Okay. But I definitely want you to fuck me with your dick. If that’s what you want to do. Like, I quite like having a cunt right now.”

“And I quite like hearing you say cunt.” I slide my hand up their leg. “Let me give you a safe word, and that way we can stop whenever something doesn’t feel good.”

“By that logic, you should have one too.”

“Right, yes. Mine is…” I pause. I don’t want to give them the same one I had with Lex. And yet xir ghost apparently won’t leave me completely alone. “Monarch.”

“Okay,” Mari accepts it without question. “Mine ispaparùda.”

“Paparùda?”

“It’s a long story,” Mari says, but I don’t ask any more questions because they’re gripping my wrist and gliding my hand up their thigh until it cups their full mound through their bright pink boxers.

Chapter Five

Mari

When her hand clamps around my cunt, I feel myself start to melt. Even through the elasticated cotton of my tight boxers, I come alive with tingles and shudders and delicious pressure right where I need it.

I’m so overcome by the full-body sensation that I fall back onto the bed. As I hoped, Roos’ hand stays where it is, and she leans back with me.

“How does that feel?” she asks, and I like how her voice has changed. It’s thicker, a little deeper, and more commanding.