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‘Ready, Lexie?’

I turned to see Sadie and the rest of the girls walking on to the pitch.

‘Oh shit, I’d better go,’ said Shane, not breaking my gaze. ‘See you later?’ He smiled and winked before turning and jogging to the side of the pitch where he hopped over the fence again.

And it took a few seconds to come back down from whatever high I was riding, until the mash-up of nausea and excitement in my stomach calmed down and my breath went back to its usual rhythm.

‘Ready,’ I said to Sadie, trying to shake it off more quickly.

This didn’t happen to me. Can’t eat, can’t sleep, crushing on people. That was a Megan thing. I was focused. I was eye on the ball at all times. Until now.

And it wouldn’t leave me alone. The whole practice I was thinking about the way his eyes had skimmed over my legs and always ended by looking straight into my eyes like he could see my soul.

‘Lexie, where’s your head?’ Sadie’s voice was like a cold shower, as a ball flew past me.

‘Sorry!’

At our water break Zoe came skipping over to me. ‘Oh my God, were you talking to Shane? He’s really cute, isn’t he? I’m going to invite him to my party. Do you think he has a girlfriend?’ She was looking at me in expectation, her trademark smile lighting up her face.

‘I have no idea.’

‘What are you wearing? Do you and Megan want to come early? Predrinks?’ Zoe grinned.

‘I don’t actually know how we’re getting there, but I’ll let you know. Thanks, Zoe.’ It took all my effort to be civil, when the way she talked about Shane made me seethe.

Just before we started back, I glanced over at the sidelines to see him standing there, leaning on the fence, watching our training.

So I upped my game. I tackled harder, tried to make my passes accurate, and even though I missed a couple of penalties, I think I did an OK job.

I heard the rest of the boys before I saw them.

I was too focused on Shane and the way he rested his chin on his hand and smiled when I let myself make eye contact.

Hunter’s voice broke me out of the other world at the end of practice. ‘Nice job, Lex!’

I kind of thought he’d give it a rest now, maybe chill out a bit after I’d said no to V-Ball. But there he was, with a big encouraging smile, his eyes on me.

I pretended not to hear him and glanced to where Shane had been standing. But he wasn’t there. He was on the pitch now, warming up by himself.

‘You coming, Lexie?’ Megan called from the sidelines, probably wondering why I was hanging around when the boys had already started kicking the ball between themselves.

And because I was thinking about him, I forgot I wasn’t talking to her.

‘Yeah, coming now.’ As I realized my mistake, I saw her grin like she’d just been awarded person of the match.

‘So … what’s he like?’ she asked.

‘Who?’ I asked coldly, even though I knew exactly who she was talking about. I was looking at him now, weaving in and out of all the other players. Effortless.

‘Shane. The really hot new guy you were talking to?’ She couldn’t hide the excitement in her voice.

I bet she thought if I had some guy to think about, I wouldn’t care about what her and Niall had done to me. Well, I would care, and I’d never forget. I wasn’t going to fall for her mind games.

‘Yeah, he’s nice, I guess.’ I shrugged and didn’t elaborate.

‘He’s amazing,’ she said, and I side-eyed her to see that she was staring at him too.

I hated that I thought of Niall then. And how hurt he’d be if he’d heard her say that.

‘Go, Niall!’ she shouted, then looked at me like she’d heard my thoughts. And somehow that was worse.

We used to make fun of the girls who came to watch their boyfriends play and acted like their own personal cheer squad. Now Megan was one of them.

‘Sorry,’ she said, when she caught my look. ‘You know he’s really worried about losing his position.’

My stomach dropped.

She continued. ‘Like he got really upset on Tuesday after practice.’ Megan said it like it was a secret she wasn’t supposed to share. It was something Niall would have told me … before. Was this how it was going to be now? Me getting a rundown of Niall’s feelings second-hand?

And as if to make her point, Shane took the ball round Niall, sending him in completely the wrong direction and he ended up on the ground. He made it look so easy. Shit.

But Niall wasn’t done. He jumped up, ran back after Shane and went in for a tackle. Hard, dangerous, illegal. I’d noticed it with all the boys; going in full on when they were tackling him, their passes strong and fast, like they were hoping he wouldn’t be able to control them. But he always did.

‘Fuck sake, man!’ Shane grabbed his ankle, his face screwed up with pain.

Harrison blew his whistle. ‘Watch it, Niall,’ he said, walking over to Shane and bending down to examine his foot.

I glanced at Megan. She was biting her lip. I wouldn’t have been surprised if she jumped the fence and ran to my brother. She caught me looking at her but didn’t say anything.

‘Bench, Niall. Ten minutes.’

‘Poor Niall,’ said Megan.

‘Poor Niall nothing. That tackle was ridiculous. Isn’t that how it works?

New kids come along and you have to fight for your position?

’ At least Niall had a position. I was constantly fighting just to get off the bench.

I shrugged despite the fact I couldn’t ignore the hollow in my stomach when I studied Niall’s face.

Everyone else would see anger, rage, petulance even, when he slammed his fist into the fence, but I knew it was shame.

That was how Niall worked. He didn’t do regular embarrassment; he just got angry.

I knew to leave him alone when he was like that; asking him what was wrong was the complete opposite of what was going to help.

Pretending not to notice, that was how to do it.

I kept my mouth shut. Why should I make life easier for Megan?

‘I guess,’ said Megan sadly.

‘Oh my God, he’s so hot.’

Zoe’s voice was a welcome break from the tension between me and Megan, even if her words made me feel sick.

‘Who, Hunter?’ I asked.

She grinned. ‘I knew you liked him!’

‘I don’t,’ I said too quickly. ‘He’s just Niall’s mate.’

‘Who you think is hot,’ she said quickly.

‘But I don’t.’

‘Chill, Lex, I’m only joking. I was talking about Shane, obvs. Go, Shane!’ Zoe threw her arms in the air like an actual cheerleader.

‘Isn’t that your mum over there, Zoe?’ Megan cut in.

We all looked towards the car park. A woman was walking towards us with rapid strides, and she seemed pissed off.

‘Zoe, come on ! You’ve got cello practice.’

Zoe glanced at us briefly, then put her head down and walked towards her mum.

‘Did you score in the match?’ I heard her mum ask.

‘At practice?’

‘Yes, at practice.’

‘Not tonight.’

‘Why not?’

And then they were too far away to hear what they were saying. But for the first time I felt kind of sorry for Zoe.

‘OK, that was intense,’ Megan said, and we shared a look.

‘Yeah,’ I said simply.

‘What are you wearing to the party?’

I had to hand it to her; she didn’t give up.

‘Don’t know yet,’ I said.

This is usually when Megan would give me a full run-down of her outfit, right down to her underwear, but all she said was ‘OK’. And I didn’t tell her that Zoe had asked us to her house early just in case she thought I was her friend again.

We watched the rest of the boys’ practice in silence, and listened to the swearing and the thud of shoulder on shoulder.

I kept my eyes on Shane the whole time.

And the feeling was back. The way he played did something to me. It took me out of myself, away from Megan and Niall, away from Sadie and the team list, away from Zoe, and everything that made my guts twist. Watching him play was like looking into another world.

A world where I didn’t care about football. A world where all I needed was him.