Page 24

But everybody was watching. I could feel their eyes on us, and I could see couples whispering behind their hands and some openly pointing.

This was what I’d wanted. For me and Shane to show up at Blackport like an explosion and for everyone to want what I had.

I thought it would feel good. But it didn’t.

I wished I could turn back time to when nobody knew about us.

When Shane pulled away, he lifted my chin gently like he’d sensed the panic.

‘Are you OK?’

I nodded, scared to speak in case I cried again. ‘I thought you weren’t coming,’ I whispered.

‘I’m sorry. I just had some stuff going on.’

‘Why won’t you tell me anything?’ I said without thinking.

He looked into my eyes as the music played and we swayed together, his hand tightening its grip on my back, like he was trying to work out what to say. But why was it so hard?

‘I don’t want to ruin it,’ he said. ‘You’d think of me differently, and I don’t … I can’t … I just love what we have – does that make sense?’

I nodded, even though it didn’t make any sense at all. Then someone tapped me on the shoulder.

I pulled away from Shane to see Zoe standing there, still trying to digest what Shane had just said.

‘Hi, Shane.’ She smiled sweetly at him.

‘Hey, Zoe,’ he replied.

‘So this is who you were seeing?’ Zoe looked to Shane for an answer. ‘Lexie?’

‘Yeah, we were just keeping things quiet,’ Shane said.

‘Well, you know the whole school is talking about it.’ Zoe looked at me. ‘And Hunter said Niall doesn’t know yet?’ She pulled a face.

I shrugged, trying to act like I didn’t care, even though every time someone mentioned Niall’s name my stomach lurched. ‘Not yet.’

‘Well, I’d say he does now.’ Zoe pulled a worried face. She showed me her phone screen. ‘Amina just sent me this.’

It was a picture of me and Shane kissing, and I wanted to be sick. What did I expect?

I felt Shane squeeze my hand, and it made me braver knowing he was there. I moved closer to him and whispered, ‘Do you want to get out of here?’

He nodded so I pulled him towards the back of the hall, a million eyes on us.

‘Oh, Lexie?’ Zoe called above the music.

I spun round. ‘What?’

She smiled. ‘Great game last night, wasn’t it?’

And she smiled like she meant it, but how could she? The second half was a total disaster.

‘I have an idea,’ I said, as I walked towards the exit with Shane.

I opened the door at the back of the hall and walked out into the night. Megan had done it before with Jasper in Year Thirteen, after one of the previous Year Fourteen’s had told her if you go into the caretaker’s room at the back, there’s a spare key to the pool in a red box on one of the shelves.

‘Where are we going?’ Shane asked as I took off my shoes and pulled up my dress.

‘You’ll see. Come on.’ I ran across the grass, ignoring the buzzing phone in my bag.

When we reached the building at the bottom of the hill, the one that overlooked the lake, I pushed the caretaker’s door and hoped to God it would open.

‘Yes,’ I whispered, as it did.

It was dark, and Shane followed me inside. We used our phones as torches and scanned the shelves for a red box.

‘That one!’ I pointed it out to Shane.

He brushed past me and reached up for the box, then passed it to me.

‘And the key should be in … here.’ I pulled the box open and there it was, a silver key shining at me.

We walked back round to the main door of the pool. Shane kept watch as I twisted the key in the lock, trying to be as silent as possible. I pushed the door open and pulled him in behind me.

‘Is this a swimming pool?’ Shane asked, inhaling the chlorine air.

I smiled. ‘Maybe.’

‘Are you serious? We have to use the gross one in town.’

The pool glowed turquoise with the underwater lights. I led him to the edge, and we stared down at the water together.

‘What now?’ Shane asked, leaning into me.

I didn’t say anything. Just took off my dress and dived into the pool. And when I came up for air, Shane was staring at me with a smile on his face.

I splashed water towards him, and he moved backwards, laughing.

‘Come on!’

‘Sorry. Coming now.’

I watched him as he took off his suit, slowly, carefully, folding each piece of it on the bench. I ran my eyes over him standing there in his boxers. I’d never wanted anything more. My gaze stopped on his legs. Half-healed cuts and bruises patchworked on his skin.

‘Jesus, Shane, your legs,’ I said, treading water.

‘Ah, yeah, way worse now I play for Westing. Didn’t have any of that at Ferndale, unless I was playing against Oscar, who just hacks you because he has zero coordination.

’ He laughed and walked to the edge of the pool.

Because of the light and the shadows, I could see every contour of his stomach.

The outline of the muscle, the V-cut abs and the way he clearly didn’t know or care how amazing he looked.

He jumped in beside me. When he emerged from the water, he pulled me close and I wrapped my legs round his waist, mouth on mouth, melting into each other.

Ecstasy. My mind was one hundred per cent on Shane. Where Niall or Megan or Zoe couldn’t touch it. Not even football got a look in.

After we swam, we sat on the edge in soaking underwear, leaning against each other to keep warm.

‘You look amazing tonight,’ Shane said, turning to me.

And we kissed again, cold wet bodies pressed against each other.

Shane sighed. ‘I wish we could do this all the time.’

‘Why can’t we?’

‘Life, I guess.’ He hesitated, then said, ‘Football?’ He nudged me. ‘How much do you love it?’

‘More than anything,’ I said genuinely.

‘Yeah, I can tell. The way you talk about it. Actually, it’s kind of made me realize how much I don’t love it. Your eyes light up when you talk about the game, you know that?’

I looked down. ‘Do they?’

And I suppose it made sense. It was the one thing that had always made me happy. Regardless of what else was going on in my life, football was the ‘quiet’ in my head. The one thing I loved more than anything else … until Shane.

He laughed. ‘They do.’

‘Like yours do when you talk about your dad.’

He stared at me for a second then smiled. ‘God, that’s so uncool. Do I talk about him too much? I don’t mean to; it’s just …’

‘What?’

‘Ever since I was a kid, I would have done anything to try and make him proud. And I guess it never went away.’

‘Football?’

‘Yeah. But how do you tell someone you’ve spent your whole life trying to impress that you don’t love the thing they love?’ He flicked the water with his feet, and we watched it splash back into the pool. ‘He wants me to go pro.’

‘But if it doesn’t make you happy, I bet he’d understand?’ I said, reaching for his hand and sliding my fingers between his.

‘Yeah. I don’t know. I’m not brave, not like you, the way you give everything and put yourself out there to get what you want. I’m not like that. I just want everyone to be happy.’

Brave? I wasn’t brave. Stubborn maybe …

‘That’s really nice. That you want everyone to be happy,’ I said, my stomach sinking.

‘Don’t you?’ he asked with no judgement.

I thought about Niall and Megan. How I didn’t care if they were happy together or not; I just hated how it made me feel.

‘Maybe not all the time,’ I admitted. ‘Maybe I’m just selfish.’

‘I don’t think trying really hard to get what you want makes you selfish, and if it does, maybe I should be a bit more selfish.’ He smiled and held my hand to his mouth, kissing it. ‘You’ve gone somewhere,’ he said with a laugh. ‘Are you OK?’

I shook my head and brought myself back. ‘Yeah.’

He stood up and pulled me with him. ‘We need some towels.’

I pointed. ‘Down there.’ There was a stack of white towels all rolled up for whatever classes were in here on Monday.

I followed him and we dried ourselves before putting our ball clothes back on.

‘I should go,’ he said, though he didn’t make a move to go anywhere.

‘Already? How come?’ I decided to just put it out there and ask him directly.

‘Please tell me. Tell me why you’re always mysteriously leaving.

I’m starting to suspect you’ve got a second life.

Like one of those internet scammers.’ I tried to make light of it by grinning, but he only smiled briefly back at me.

‘I promise I’ll tell you, just not tonight.’

He leaned down and kissed me gently, before taking my hand and walking out into the freezing-cold night and on to the pitches.

And when he didn’t say anything, I filled the silence, because despite the fact there was still this roadblock between us, I wasn’t ready for the night to end. ‘Do you have time for one more dance?’

‘What about your wet hair? They’ll know we broke into the pool.’

He was right. I wasn’t thinking straight. We’d already caused enough of a shock for one night.

‘OK, come on.’ I led him round the side of the assembly hall towards the car park.

I leaned against the brick wall and let him lift me up, so my back was pressed against it, my legs wrapped round him. And we kissed like we hadn’t been doing the same thing all night.

‘Lexie?’

I looked up quickly, scratching my back on the wall. Shane put me down and we both turned.

And there in the dark, staring at us, were Niall and Megan, their mouths open.

‘So it’s true. You know, I sort of hoped it was some kind of AI, Photoshop crap, but I guess I never was the smart one.’ Niall was looking right at me. He didn’t even acknowledge Shane.

Megan tried to pull Niall away, but he didn’t move. ‘Niall, let’s go. Leave them to it.’

‘Seriously, Lexie? Are you fucking kidding me?’ He kicked the ground and twisted away before turning back to us with a look of complete disbelief. ‘This prick?’ Then he was looking at Shane and they were staring at each other like two animals before one of them pounces on the other.

And that’s when I should have said something, stood up for myself, stood up for Shane, but the words were stuck in my throat, and even if I could have got them out, I didn’t know what they would be.

Shane moved so he was standing in front of me, and I was so grateful. Not because I thought Niall would hurt me, but because I couldn’t bear to look at him any more.

‘Just leave it, man,’ Shane said.

I waited for it, the moment that Niall snapped and lunged for Shane, but it didn’t come. He just scoffed, took one last look at us, turned and walked away.

I thought it would feel good. Getting my own back on Niall, showing him that I was doing exactly what he told me to do.

Living my own life. There I was, with my boyfriend at the school formal, showing my brother that I didn’t need him, that I could do what I wanted without caring what he thought. I thought it would be liberating.

But it wasn’t.

Niall’s look of disgust was directed at me, not Shane. And I felt even smaller than ever.