Page 5

The next morning the tension was back, and I hadn’t even gone downstairs yet.

I loitered at the top of the staircase, listening to Niall slamming cupboard doors and Megan talking in a low voice.

I wondered if Mum knew. Did she know Megan had slept in Niall’s room last night?

What would she think of her favourite child then?

Maybe I’d tell her. Did Megan’s parents know?

I’m sure they wouldn’t be happy that their precious youngest daughter had a sleepover with her boyfriend on a school night.

I checked the mirror before I went downstairs, only feeling like myself if everything was perfect. And I looked good. I looked like me, even though nausea flooded my stomach and my head ached from the spinning thoughts and the horrifying replay in my head of what I’d seen last night.

Mum wasn’t up yet after her drunken book club, and when I walked into the kitchen Megan turned to stare at me, and Niall just ignored me completely.

I made my boiled eggs and ate them in silence.

I could hear Megan whispering something to Niall, but I couldn’t make out what she said. Not that I cared.

I felt tears welling as I tidied away my half-eaten breakfast, then turned to them before I left. ‘I’ll be in the car if you want a lift. But maybe you’d rather be alone .’ I hated that my voice choked at the end.

‘Lexie,’ I heard Megan say, but I didn’t turn round; I took my keys and went to sit in the car to wait for them.

Megan got in the front seat and Niall sat in the back. He had his earbuds in and spent the whole journey staring out the window. And I don’t know what I expected from him. But not this.

Megan didn’t stop talking the whole way to school. ‘So, Daddy said there’s a Northern Ireland match in a couple of weeks. Against Portugal. He’ll send me the tickets like always, so d’you want to go?’

She knew the answer to this. Of course I wanted to go. We went to all the Northern Ireland matches. But going didn’t mean I forgave them. And she didn’t even give me a chance to answer anyway.

‘Oh my God, Dr Fox’s son was at the surgery the other day. Remember Finbar?’ she asked, speaking too quickly. Of course I remembered Finbar. Megan had a huge crush on him, even though he was, like, two years older than us and at actual medical school.

‘Yeah,’ I said with a sigh.

‘Well, he brought his girlfriend with him and she’s seriously gorgeous,’ Megan said. She sounded like she meant it. Like she wasn’t seething with jealousy in the same way she would have been a year ago.

‘That’s nice,’ I said, wishing I’d driven to school alone.

‘And she said she liked my trainers, which was super nice. I was wearing my new Nikes. You know, the purple ones?’ Megan was speaking ridiculously quickly.

I nodded.

‘So are you going to go to V-Ball with Hunter then?’

‘What?’ I snapped. As soon as it came out of my mouth, I knew it was over the top.

‘Well, Zoe just said …’ Her voice tailed off.

‘I don’t care what Zoe said. You know I wouldn’t go with Hunter,’ I said, frustrated and driving more quickly than usual.

‘Jeez, sorry, I just thought –’

‘You just thought what?’ I shot back. ‘That because you and Niall are a couple, that everyone else should have to find someone? Like I’m not good enough on my own or I’m not good enough to find my own date?’ I looked at her this time, challenging her to say something else to piss me off.

‘No, Lex, I didn’t mean …’ Her eyes welled up.

‘Whatever,’ I said, pulling into Blackport.

Niall hadn’t spoken the whole way here. Usually, our car rides were all of us taking the piss out of teachers or coaches, stomachs sore from laughing before we even got to school.

And before Megan and I were friends it would just be me and Niall, inside jokes or easy silence.

Not like this weird mash-up of awkward silence from Niall and Megan spewing meaningless words like she was on speed.

When we got to school, I got out first and stormed across the yard, only turning to lock the car when I heard them close the doors.

My stomach dropped when I realized that soon the whole of our year would know about Megan and Niall and then there’d be nowhere to hide.

Blackport kids liked nothing better than new gossip.

I kept my head down all day, avoiding Megan and Niall at break time, and at lunch I put on my PE kit and went for a run round the pitches.

I ran hard, distracting myself from the now and focusing on the burning in my thighs and the cold air in my chest. I went over football drills, memorizing them so I’d be ahead of the game tomorrow night.

Maybe Sadie would be so impressed that she’d play me.

She’d see that I was fitter than everyone else, that I wanted it more than everyone else. She’d change her mind.

When I thought about football, it took up all the space in my head.

It had been that way since I’d started at Westing FC four years ago.

I knew if I was going to play for that club, I needed to be serious.

There was no taking it easy. I had to put in the work.

And I had. I’d done everything I possibly could so far.

It just wasn’t good enough. Not yet. But I’d keep going. I needed to stay focused.

But under the winter sun, rhythmic breath, racing heart and aching muscles, I wasn’t just thinking about football.

I was thinking about him. The way he moved with the ball, effortless, natural, like he’d been born on a football pitch.

The sharp lines of his jaw and the way his cheekbones caught the shine of the floodlights.

‘Lex!’

I looked up but couldn’t see anything but the school golf course and groups of kids congregating on the path surrounding it.

‘Lex!’ I heard again.

I turned round, running backwards, reluctant to break my pace.

It was Hunter, holding a rugby ball and shouting in my direction. He threw it towards me and I slowed down, focusing on the ball that was being fired at my face. But I must have taken my eye off it because I missed it.

‘Shit,’ I swore, and I could hear Hunter laugh from across the pitch. I picked the ball up, thinking about throwing it back but not wanting to embarrass myself with a crap pass, so I held on to it until Hunter got closer, then threw it back to him.

‘I knew you were dedicated to football, but this is taking it to a new level. Lunchtime jogs?’ He widened his eyes and laughed.

‘Yeah, so?’ I was out of breath and glad of the break. ‘What are you doing with a rugby ball anyway, traitor?’

‘Jack of all trades,’ he said. ‘So Niall and Meg are out in the open then.’ He threw the ball in the air and caught it, and my insides tightened all over again.

‘You knew?’ I stared at him and watched him realize that he’d said something wrong.

‘Only for a couple of days. Niall told me that night after we left Megan home …’ His voice trailed off and my heart beat even faster than it had been.

‘Nice to know where I stand when it comes to those two,’ I said. ‘You know they didn’t even tell me? I just found out by accident.’

Hunter pulled a face. ‘Shit.’

‘Yeah. Made me want to throw up.’

Hunter threw the ball to me. I threw it back. Hard.

‘Wow, nice arm. You ever thought of playing rugby?’ He walked over and squeezed the muscle of my triceps gently.

He got a laugh out of me. ‘Nope. Football till I die,’ I said.

‘You know, if it’s any consolation, I think Niall only told me because I saw a message Megan sent him as soon as we dropped her off.’ He shrugged and spun the ball in the air.

I shook my head. ‘Can we not talk about it any more?’

‘Fair enough. Have you got a date for V-Ball yet?’

I looked at him, desperately trying to not look shocked.

He’d grown his brown hair out and it stuck up at the back and then fell over his face like an anime character.

He swooped it out of the way. Was Hunter nervous?

I’d known him almost all my life; he was literally like family.

And then, just in that moment, I knew it was coming.

Other people might have guessed it before, the way he’d changed from acting like another Niall to someone who didn’t take the piss out of me, and seemed genuinely interested in my life.

But I’d always been crap at noticing this stuff.

Football had been my focus for so long that boyfriends and V-Balls never crossed my mind.

I just didn’t have time. And even if I did, it wouldn’t be Hunter.

Going with nobody would be better than going with someone you didn’t want to go with and only said yes because you didn’t want to hurt their feelings.

‘Nope,’ I said. ‘I mean, I probably won’t go. It feels like a day wasted, when I could be training. What about you?’ I shrugged and tried to act like I’d no idea what he was about to ask.

‘No, not yet. I was just wondering, if maybe you weren’t training, we could go together? I mean, I just thought it might make sense because Megan and Niall would be going together, and we could get the same car or whatever …?’ He trailed off when I didn’t say anything.

I’d never seen Hunter like this. He was loud. Always had been. I couldn’t count the number of times I’d come out of my room to tell him and Niall to shut up. I didn’t know what to say. I’d never been good at coming up with stuff on the spot.

All that came out of my mouth was ‘Oh.’

‘Oh,’ he repeated.

And we just stood there staring at each other until I flicked my gaze to the grass.

‘It’s not like I wouldn’t want to go with you if I was going, I just don’t want to waste a night I could be training, you know?

’ I lied. I was waffling. It made no sense.

Of course I could take a night off. One night would make no difference, but did I want to see Niall and Megan all dressed up and all over each other?

Hell no. The thought of being that way with Hunter made me squirm.

Which felt kind of cruel because he was nice, he just wasn’t for me.

‘No, I get it. Yeah, that’s cool. I’d better go – bell’s about to ring.’ He turned and jogged back towards the school.

‘Shit.’ I was going to be late. I sprinted to the changing rooms, glanced at my phone and realized there was no time for a shower.

This wasn’t me, Lexie last week wouldn’t be caught dead unshowered at school.

I stared at my red face and messy hair in the mirror, thinking about how a few days ago my life was normal, and now I didn’t recognize any of it.