Page 25

Niall stormed inside the school and didn’t look back. Megan hung behind, looking at me like she was going to ask something, then disappeared after Niall.

‘Are you OK?’ Shane asked when they were out of sight.

I inhaled, trying to slow the heartbeat that was so strong it was thudding in my ears.

‘Yeah, I’m fine,’ I lied. I leaned into his chest. ‘I just didn’t expect …’ I paused.

‘Expect what?’ Shane asked, pushing wet hair behind my ear.

‘How upset he’d look.’

‘He kind of just looked pissed off to me.’

I gave a small laugh and stepped back from his chest. ‘That’s the thing about Niall, when he’s upset, he gets angry. Like really angry. And he’s never been that angry at me before.’ I sighed and leaned against the wall.

‘Ah, OK. But why? I don’t get it. Is it just the football thing?’

Blood rushed to my head, and I slammed my hand against the wall in frustration.

‘Hey.’ He grabbed it, holding it tightly, pressing my skin to his lips.

‘Maybe you should go …’ I said, trying not to cry.

‘I’m not leaving you like this.’ He had concern in his eyes. ‘Let’s walk.’

I nodded and let him pull me away from the wall. I shivered and he took off his jacket, wrapping it round my shoulders.

‘Thanks.’

‘Your brother really hates me,’ Shane said.

‘Well, you know that stuff you said about your dad? How you want to impress him? Niall’s like that with our dad too, and I guess you taking his position hurt his pride or whatever.’ I shrugged. I knew exactly how much it must have hurt him.

‘Ah, OK. Well, what if I stepped away? Went back to Ferndale, would that help?’

‘You can’t,’ I said. Shane leaving would mean seeing him less.

‘But if it made things easier? And you know I don’t want the position. Not really.’

I took a deep breath. ‘I hardly see you as it is. And you’d have to tell your dad,’ I said.

Shane inhaled and looked away before turning back and staring into my eyes. ‘I’d do it for you. I mean, we’ve just outed ourselves to everyone, so I guess that makes us official? And couples do things for each other.’ He pushed a strand of wet hair from my face.

I reached up and kissed him. ‘I think I might be falling in love with you,’ I whispered into the night.

He smiled. ‘Might be?’

I laughed. ‘I am falling in love with you.’

And he didn’t hesitate. ‘I was thinking the same thing.’

I leaned into his chest, listening to the thud of his heart and replaying the words we’d just said to each other over and over. We stood like that until I started to shiver. Then I snaked my arms round his waist and under his shirt.

He jumped from the shock of my cold hands.

‘Sorry.’

‘You’re freezing!’

‘I know, my dress is soaking.’ My teeth started to chatter.

‘Ah Lexie, you need to get home.’

‘I’m fine.’

He laughed. ‘Let me walk you back to your car.’

I let him lead me towards the car park. ‘Do you want a lift home?’

‘From my girlfriend? Sure. Thanks.’

He grinned and I smiled back.

We held hands the whole way to the car, and when I drove, his hand was on top of mine as I moved the gear stick.

‘Did you have any girlfriends at St Anne’s?’ I asked, a bit scared of the answer. I knew if he said yes, I’d be jealous, even though that wasn’t fair. But I wanted to know how experienced he was.

‘Nope, it’s always just been school and football,’ he said. ‘I never met anyone I really liked. Not like this.’ He squeezed my hand. ‘What about you? How many posh boys have you been out with?’

I laughed. ‘None. Same, school and football, and hanging out with Niall and Megan.’

‘Are you guys still not talking? You and Megan?’

I took a deep breath. ‘Nope, and now I guess it’ll be even worse.’

He sighed. ‘Aw, Lexie. I’m sorry I’m making such a mess of your life.’

I wanted to stop the car right there in the middle of the road, grab his face and show him that all he’d done was make my life better, despite all the other stuff.

‘You’re not. Not at all. I’ve spent so long just being this other part of Niall, I didn’t even think about what could be beyond that.

And you’ve given me that. You know what I mean?

’ I looked over at him and for a split second I thought I saw his eyes glisten.

He looked down at his knees. ‘Yeah, completely.’

‘You make my life make more sense.’

Shane coughed. ‘Jesus, I think that’s the nicest thing anyone’s ever said to me.’

I laughed and turned to him. He was staring at me. ‘You make my life make more sense too.’

I turned up the music and treated Shane to a concert all the way to his house. But when we pulled into his street it was like I could feel the tension come back. The same tension that showed up when I pushed him for answers that he didn’t want to give me.

I pulled up at the kerb outside his house.

‘Thanks, Lexie, for an amazing and kind of weird night.’

‘Always here for amazing and weird.’

He pecked me on the lips before getting out of the car and didn’t even turn round before he walked into his house.

On the way home I played the song we’d been listening to on repeat, pretending that he was still there, trying desperately to forget the strange tension and the way he left without one last goodbye.

Mum and Dad were still up when I got in.

Dad looked confused when I put my keys down on the kitchen island. ‘Is your hair wet?’

‘Don’t ask,’ I replied.

‘Are you OK?’ he asked, still looking at my hair.

I smiled. ‘Yeah, I’m absolutely fine.’

‘Megan’s trials went well I heard. She’s been asked back for the next round,’ Dad said. ‘Niall phoned us after they ended.’

And my happiness dissolved. Just like that.

‘Great.’

‘Stephen,’ Mum said, warning him not to say any more.

Dad looked at Mum in confusion. ‘What?’

She shook her head and turned to me, wine glass in hand. ‘How was V-Ball, Lexie? And why on earth is your hair wet?’ She laughed, trying her best to lighten the thundercloud that filled my head.

‘It was great,’ I said, smiling, ‘and I might have gone for a swim.’

Mum had always been good at dragging me out of my head.

She looked shocked but happy. ‘What? They let you swim at these things?’

‘Em, yeah?’

Dad looked horrified. ‘Lexie!’

‘You’re only young once.’ Mum chucked a packet of crisps at Dad’s head. ‘I remember when your father and I were at school …’

‘Georgina!’ Now it was Dad who was warning Mum not to carry on.

‘Fine, fine. Glad you had fun, love. Have you heard from Niall?’

My stomach dropped. ‘Nope.’

‘Oh, that’s a shame. You and Niall don’t seem as close any more. Has something happened?’ she asked.

‘He’s just busy with Megan,’ I said. ‘But I’m kind of tired, so I’m going to go to bed.’

‘OK, night, love.’ They said the last part together.

When I got to my room, I couldn’t stop thinking of the way Shane kissed me, the way his fingers traced my skin and made me want him. Then I remembered the look on Niall’s face. The disgust. The betrayal. And the good thoughts were dust.

It was getting almost impossible to get up now. All the extra training I’d been doing meant that I was exhausted every morning, even if I wasn’t getting up early to meet Shane.

I forced my eyes open, then pulled the duvet over my head as I remembered last night. I could have just kept it all a secret, but now? Everyone knew and now I’d have to deal with it.

I checked my phone.

SHANE : Good morning x

And then it all felt worth it. The complicated mess of my life didn’t matter when I had Shane. He’d said that he loved me.

ME : I heard Thunderland is back in town. Date night?

SHANE : Tonight?

ME : If you’re free?

SHANE : I’m there. But …

ME : But?

SHANE : I’m terrified of fairground rides

ME : I’ll protect you

SHANE : Meet you there at 8?

ME : Can’t wait. I can pick you up if you like?

SHANE : Sure, thanks

‘Morning, Lexie,’ Mum said when I eventually got up. I was dressed for training and planned to get a couple of hours in on the pitch outside. ‘So, tell me about last night; now your dad’s not here. You can tell me all the good stuff.’ She grinned, then took a sip from a cup of coffee.

‘It was great,’ I said before I could think. But she’d already seen my smile. ‘I’m kind of going out with someone …’

I let the comment hang in the air and enjoyed seeing Mum’s face light up.

‘What? How did I not know? Is this new?’ She put down her cup.

‘I guess. Kind of …’

Mum tapped the seat beside her. ‘Sit!’

I sat down.

‘What’s his name?’

‘Shane.’

‘Shane. That’s a nice name. What school does he go to?’

‘St Anne’s.’

She smirked. ‘Excellent school.’ Mum had gone to St Anne’s. ‘Where did you meet him?’

‘Football.’

‘When can I meet him?’

I glanced at my phone that was sitting on the table. Message after message asking me about Shane. I didn’t have the energy for it. Some messages were even from numbers I didn’t recognize. Apprehension churned in my stomach.

I forced out a laugh at Mum’s question and got down from the seat to do some stretching, then walked towards the French doors.

‘Lexie, you’re not training again, are you?’ Mum asked, concern on her face.

‘What’s wrong with training?’

I was used to her telling me to stop doing so much, but I’d never actually asked her why.

‘You can do too much is what’s wrong.’

‘How would you know?’ I snapped back and felt immediately bad.

She inhaled and looked at me for a second. ‘Can I show you something?’

I was itching to get outside – like my muscles were on a timer – but she’d already left the kitchen to get something, so I stood there waiting, staring at the clock.

She came back with one of those lever-arch files I used at school. ‘Come, take a look,’ she said.

She set the file on the kitchen counter and opened it. It was full of tennis articles.

St Anne’s eleven-year-old tennis superstar Georgina Callow wins again.

Child tennis prodigy Georgina Callow showing huge promise for the future.

‘Wait. What’s this?’ I looked at Mum, and then back to the file. ‘This was you?’

She nodded.

‘But why didn’t I know this? You were some kind of prodigy?’

Mum shook her head. ‘I wasn’t that good.

But that’s the point. My parents had me training so hard, six days a week, tennis, tennis, tennis, and I lost out on so much, on friends, on a social life, on anything that wasn’t related to tennis.

And guess what? As soon as I got to about fourteen it was clear to everyone that I wasn’t good enough to become professional. ’

My stomach lurched. ‘And you didn’t tell me because …’

‘Because I didn’t think it would be helpful.

I could see how seriously you were taking your football, and I don’t know, I thought it might give you extra pressure, like you had to prove something.

That you could do better. And I don’t want you to miss out on life like I did.

Lexie, life is a million different things, it’s not just one hobby.

Life at your age should be having fun, kissing boys, or girls, laughing so hard with Megan that your stomach hurts, or playing that stupid Xbox with Niall.

It should be trying to figure out who you are.

Of course it has to be exams and all the boring stuff too, but it’s so, so much more than just a sport. ’

I shook my head. I couldn’t take it in, whatever she was saying. ‘I can’t believe nobody told me. Does Niall know how good you were?’

‘Do I know what?’ Niall walked into the kitchen looking exhausted.

‘That Mum was some kind of tennis sensation and she didn’t tell me to try and save my feelings because I’ll never be as good.’ I didn’t mean to cry, but I couldn’t help it.

‘Lexie, you’re completely missing the point,’ Mum said, putting her hand on my shoulder.

I shook it off. Humiliated.

‘Of course I knew. Everyone in Seaport knows. If you type any of our names into Google, it comes up. And of course nobody wanted to tell you, Lexie; nobody wants to tell you anything because of the way you react, like it’s some huge conspiracy against you –’

‘Niall,’ Mum cut in.

‘And another thing,’ Niall said. ‘Do you really think Mum wants to talk about it? You think she wants to go over that again? Did you even think about how hard it must have been for her to tell you? Or how hard it was for Megan when you found out about us? And I bet you didn’t even think about it, going out with the bloody baller, knowing how it would make me feel.

Lexie, you’re so selfish it makes me sick.

’ Niall abandoned his words in the kitchen and left me standing there with Mum.

‘Is it true?’ I asked Mum.

She nodded. ‘I suppose it is. It’s difficult to talk about, and I don’t know if it’s fair, but I blame my parents for a lot of it, and I promised myself that if I had kids, I’d never put that pressure on them.

But, Lexie, you put that pressure on yourself, and I just don’t want the same thing happening to you.

I can see it, the look on your face when you play.

It’s more than just a hobby. And I’m so glad you’ve met a nice boy and are enjoying things that aren’t football.

’ She reached out to take my hand and I thought about pulling it away, like I usually would, but at the perfect moment, the way Shane saw things from a different point of view came back to me.

Like the way he’d done with Megan and the trials.

I made myself think like Mum. If I had kids, would I want them to try as hard as I did?

‘He’s really nice,’ I said, my voice choked with tears.

‘Oh, Lexie.’ Mum pulled me into a hug. I breathed in her familiar perfume and let myself cry into her shoulder.

‘You know that’s not why I didn’t tell you. The things Niall said. I know how deeply you feel everything. And it’s a beautiful thing. I just couldn’t bear to see you hurt.’

‘I know,’ I whispered.

‘There’s so much more to life than sports. Like boys,’ Mum teased. ‘Oh, and if you want me to stay at home instead of going away with your dad over the next while, will you tell me? Just say the word and I’m here.’ She smiled.

‘Thanks, Mum, but I’ll be fine.’ I didn’t need a babysitter. I needed time alone, to think about everything.

I went back up to my room to daydream about Shane.