Page 20

‘Lexie?’ Sadie’s voice. Shocked, from the doorway.

‘Jelly legs,’ I said, standing up and trying not to make eye contact.

‘What are you doing here?’ she asked. She looked at her watch. ‘It’s six thirty.’

‘Just wanted to get some extra training in. I was down on the pitches running laps. I need a change of scenery from the back garden sometimes.’ I laughed for no reason, hoping it would distract her and she wouldn’t see the extra clothes that were lying around.

She nodded. ‘Lexie, I’d actually wanted to have a chat with you. Should we sit down for a minute?’ She motioned to the same bench I’d just been sitting on with Shane.

‘Sure.’ I glanced towards the shower block, willing him to stay out of sight.

Sadie stretched her leg and groaned.

‘You OK?’ I asked.

Sadie never talked about her injury. There were rumours that she’d made a bad tackle, and some girl had got her own back and taken Sadie out entirely.

‘Ah yeah, just gets a bit stiff if I’m standing too long. I’m fine. But, Lexie, I meant it when I said that all this extra work of yours isn’t going unnoticed. I want you to start in our match on Friday.’

I couldn’t help myself. I threw myself at her. The least open-to-hugs person I’d ever met. She exhaled, and I panicked, wondering if I’d somehow hurt her leg. So I let go.

‘Thank you, Sadie, thank you so much. I won’t let you down. I promise.’ I was buzzing inside about everything this meant. I was part of the first team. Me!

‘You remind me a bit of me at your age, Lexie. All I wanted in the world was to play for Northern Ireland. I did the extra training, I ate, slept and breathed football. It’s the right mindset if you really want something.

And I think you’re ready. Do you? I mean, really? ’ She looked me dead in the eyes.

‘I know I am.’

‘Thought so.’ Sadie put her hand on my shoulder, stood up and limped towards the door.

I was about to head to the shower block when she turned round.

‘Oh, just wondering how you got in here? You really shouldn’t be in the clubhouse out of hours.

It would be an insurance nightmare if something happened. ’

‘It was open,’ I blurted out with a shrug.

‘That’s strange. OK, well, no more clubhouse outside practice hours, OK? And keep up the good work. Stay focused.’

I waited until her footsteps disappeared up the corridor again before running round the corner to Shane. But he wasn’t there. Just an open window.

I looked at my phone.

SHANE : Sorry, had to catch the bus. Let me know what happened!

ME : I’m starting on Friday!!!!

SHANE : Fucking right!

ME : All thanks to an awesome coach ;)

SHANE : Nah, all down to you x

I waved at Sadie in the office as I walked past, a huge grin on my face.

And whatever was going on between me and Niall, I couldn’t ignore the fact that I wanted to tell him.

I thought about sending him a text message but decided to wait.

I wanted to see his face when I told him.

He was the only one who truly knew how much it meant to me.

Even though we weren’t talking, and he was acting like an asshole, the old Niall had to be in there somewhere.

This kind of news was bigger than a stupid fight.

And, even though I knew it wouldn’t happen, a tiny part of me couldn’t help hoping that maybe Sadie would put me forward for the Northern Ireland trials too. I drove home in a total blur of happiness, then got home to an empty house.

I watched Netflix, did some shooting practice, and ate the frozen pizza that Mum had bought before she left. Then I tidied up and checked outside for Niall’s car.

Niall got home around seven, his brakes screeching into the driveway. Mum and Dad would be raging if they’d seen him drive like that.

I probably should have guessed by the way he was driving, or the way he slammed the car door and looked at the ground that he was in a bad mood. But it didn’t register. I was too happy, too excited to share the news that I’d been dying to get since I started Westing FC.

He walked in the door and threw his keys on to the sideboard before starting up the stairs.

‘Hey, guess what?’ I said, standing in the hallway grinning like an idiot.

‘What?’ he said.

And I still didn’t catch on that this wasn’t the right time, that he was basically telling me to fuck off with his tone.

‘I’m starting in the match on Friday.’ Even my voice was filled with glee.

He didn’t even stop on the stairs. Didn’t hesitate; he just kept walking. ‘Great.’ He left the word behind, apathetic and cold. My heart shattered.

I waited to hear his bedroom door slam before bursting into tears, letting myself ugly cry at the bottom of the stairs. It surprised me how much it hurt. How much I needed him to say ‘well done’ or to just acknowledge the amazing thing that had just happened.

I was asleep by the time Mum and Dad got home on Sunday night, and the next morning I came down to some serious tension in the kitchen.

Niall was staring into a cup of coffee and Mum and Dad were tiptoeing round him.

But I’d woken up more angry than upset. I didn’t even care what was wrong with him.

‘Dad, guess what?’ I said.

Dad’s eyes lit up when he turned round. ‘What?’

‘Don’t leave us in suspense, Lexie,’ said Mum, drumming her nails on the counter.

‘I’m starting in the next match. I’m on the first team . Will you come and watch?’

‘Alexandra, that is incredible. Come here!’ Dad walked towards me, arms open, and I hugged him back tightly. ‘I wouldn’t miss it for the world! And Niall, will you be there to watch your sister?’

Niall flicked his head up, but didn’t say anything.

‘You can use words, you know,’ said Dad.

‘Leave him alone – he’s had a fight with Megan,’ Mum whispered, but I don’t know why because everyone could hear her.

I stared at Niall, and he looked back at me before breaking my gaze. He wasn’t giving anything away. I wondered what had happened, and I automatically put my hand on my phone, about to send a message to Megan to see if she was OK. Then I stopped myself.

‘Mum, leave it,’ said Niall.

‘Don’t speak to your mother like that, Niall,’ Dad said in a tone that made both of us look up.

Niall screeched his chair back and got up. ‘I’m out of here. Let’s go, Lexie.’

I grabbed the keys and followed him out the door, feeling stupid but not knowing what else to do, because that was the way it had always been. Niall said ‘jump’ and I said ‘how high?’.

I decided to broach Niall and Megan’s fight about five minutes down the road.

‘What happened?’ I asked.

‘Nothing,’ he said sullenly, looking out the window.

‘Obviously something happened.’

‘She’s going to London for uni next year.’

‘What? Since when?’ I was as shocked as he must have been. Megan had never mentioned going across the water.

‘Dunno, since whenever.’

The hole in the pit of my stomach grew with Niall’s disappointment, dark and deep and nauseous. And it made me even angrier at Megan than I already was. It was so selfish. She was so selfish. She was just going to leave?

‘But you want to go to UUJ …’ I trailed off and my voice choked. We’d filled in our forms and sent them a couple of months ago. We were all going to go to UUJ, down the road.

‘No shit.’

‘There’s no need to be so bloody rude, you know,’ I said, because as much as I’d been saying it for his benefit, I was trying to make sense of it in my own head. ‘Are you going to stay together?’

‘I don’t know , Lexie. Just give over!’ he shouted.

We drove the rest of the way to school in silence.

When I saw Megan, her face was tear-stained. She stared after Niall as he stormed into school.

‘London?’ I said.

She turned to me. ‘Yeah.’ She shrugged like it was nothing. But she wasn’t just leaving Niall; she was leaving me too. And it clearly didn’t matter to her at all.

So how could I tell her my news? The news that had made me swell with so much pride I thought I was going to burst. I’d know she wouldn’t mean whatever reaction she managed to conjure.

So I didn’t.

I avoided both of them the rest of the day and hung out with Hunter instead.

And even though things should have been super awkward, he was acting like everything was normal.

He sat beside me at lunchtime and showed me all the obscure football shirts he’d bought.

I even pretended to be interested. I hung out with Zoe too, and let her tell me about her itinerary for the trip she was taking to New York at half-term.

And I felt like a bitch, because in my head all I was thinking about was the fact that I was starting instead of her, and that Shane had rejected her offer of a V-Ball date.

I’d got one up on her and I was happy about it.