Page 30

I woke up with a dry mouth, a sore neck, a thumping headache and a blanket over me. Still on the bathroom floor. And for a few seconds that’s all it was. A hangover. Until it hit me, and the tears were back, my chest was heaving as I lay there on the floor curled up like a wounded animal.

Eventually I pulled myself off the tiles, got undressed and stepped into the shower. The same shower that we’d used that perfect evening.

When I got out, I looked at my phone, hoping for a missed call or a message. And I almost threw up again when I looked at WhatsApp, at the messages I’d sent Shane.

ME : Hpnter kissed me i don’t like him

ME : I love u Shane. Im sry for t other nite I just want to no your secrts cos I love u

ME : U hav a grlfrend? Who is GRae/

ME : I feel sik I wish u were here

He hadn’t replied to any of them.

There was a knock at my door. ‘Lexie?’

Megan walked in before waiting for an answer. She took one look at my face and rushed towards me, pulling me into a hug and the tears started all over again.

‘I tried to move you last night, but you wouldn’t budge, so I just brought a blanket. I should have stayed in here with you.’

I shook my head as I cried. ‘I don’t deserve it. Shane, he saw.’

‘Saw what? The Hunter thing?’

I nodded.

‘But, look, he came to see you. Came to your house when the whole team were here, the ones who hate him, who were saying horrible shit to him! That has to mean something.’ Megan had her hands on my shoulders and was looking into my swollen eyes.

‘But I ruined it.’

Megan shook her head. ‘You weren’t together. And you had a good reason to break up with him. Stop blaming yourself for everything, Lexie. Look. Get dressed for football, let’s tidy the house and then later on we can chill out and make a plan? Yeah?’

I couldn’t speak so I just hugged her.

‘Football. Shit.’

Megan laughed. ‘Yeah. At least one of us was sensible last night. See you when you’re ready.’

Then I was alone again. I got dressed in shorts and my Westing shirt. I’d almost put on Shane’s zip top just to remember his smell, but even picking it out of my drawer made me cry all over again and I couldn’t bring myself to put it over my head.

When I emerged I saw bodies everywhere. On the couch, on the floor, the smell of alcohol thick in the air.

Fuck.

I walked downstairs and it was the same deal: kids everywhere, half-empty beer bottles on every surface. I looked at the wooden floor and saw pools of alcohol and abandoned bits of food. I couldn’t even think about Shane right now.

Niall walked out of the kitchen with a half-full bin bag and a face like thunder.

‘Happy now?’ he asked and looked at me with so much disdain I couldn’t speak. ‘Have you seen this place? It’s an absolute mess, Lexie.’

I opened my mouth, but nothing came out.

‘Seriously? You’ve nothing to say? Nothing? ’

And I didn’t. I didn’t even want to think about it, never mind talk about it, so I went outside and started to run.

I ran despite the nausea and the headache that got worse every time my feet pounded the fake grass. Desperate to feel anything that wasn’t Shane.

By the time we’d cleared everybody out and filled a few bin bags, it was time to leave.

We were playing at Blanchflower Stadium.

Through the nausea my stomach was filled with butterflies. A real-life scout was going to be there. I knew they were there for Megan, but I still wanted to impress them. And they were still coming, even though Shane had quit.

Niall was driving. Megan was in the front, and she wasn’t talking very much. Was she nervous? I never thought Megan got nervous about anything.

‘You excited for the scout?’ I asked.

‘You know, I think I am. I keep telling myself I don’t want it, and I don’t care, but then I think about how good I look in a Man United kit.

’ She laughed and I watched Niall reach over and squeeze her leg.

And it didn’t make me want to throw up this time.

Now that I’d made up with Megan, the whole relationship didn’t seem as bad.

I still didn’t like it, but it didn’t have the same effect on me any more.

When we got to the pitch Sadie was already there.

She was talking to a woman in a black coat and baseball cap.

The scout. The butterflies in my stomach were going mental.

The rest of the team had started to arrive, and we walked over to join Megan and Sadie on the pitch. Niall went to watch from the stands.

‘OK, girls, this is it. Forget there’s anyone watching – just play the way you always play.’ Sadie took our warm-ups.

‘Anyone heard from Zoe?’ Sadie asked afterwards.

She wasn’t there. I’d been too distracted to even notice.

‘Nope, sorry,’ said Megan, sharing a look with me.

I shrugged. ‘She’s probably just running late.’ I wondered if she was too upset about Hunter, and even though I wasn’t Zoe’s biggest fan, I felt kind of guilty.

‘OK, we’ve only one sub now,’ Sadie said, and she looked me dead in the eye. A silent ‘You can do this’.

I nodded, trying to suppress the excitement that was exploding inside me.

I tried not to smile too hard so I wouldn’t look like a psycho, so I gazed at the ground instead, watching my new pink boots as I ran to the dugout to take off my jumper.

More of the boys’ team was there now, laughing on the sidelines. I noticed Hunter watching me and I looked away quickly.

‘Good luck, Meg,’ I said.

She threw her arm round my shoulder and squeezed. ‘Thanks.’

I forced myself to push Shane out of my head. There was an actual scout here and I was starting. This is what I wanted more than anything. I didn’t need to think about him.

And from the first whistle I was on fire, tackling all around me, sending balls up the wing to Katie, to Megan; in fact, I definitely contributed to the first goal.

And what a goal it was. Megan, of course, hard and low into the bottom-right corner.

And when she scored, she scanned the pitch and then ran to celebrate with me.

Megan scored again. And again. The scout could not have picked a better match.

At half-time I felt like I was going to throw my guts up in the best way. I was shattered. Megan looked like she’d barely broken a sweat.

‘You’re doing great out there; keep up the good work,’ Sadie said before taking Megan off to the side to tell her something privately. And this time there was no jealousy. Megan deserved all the attention. She was incredible.

‘Still no Zoe?’ Sadie scanned the stadium. ‘Lexie, brilliant job out there!’

I grinned. ‘Thanks Sadie, loving it!’

‘You’re doing great.’

The second half was even better. I ran harder, pushed harder, tackled harder and tried to ignore the hangover nausea that was getting even worse.

‘Calm down, Lexie!’ Sadie shouted from the sidelines.

What was she on about? I threw myself into another tackle, but I was too slow; she moved the ball and I twisted and then heard a snap. And the pain was like nothing I’d felt before – burning in my leg from my ankle, right up my calf.

I screamed.

‘Lexie!’ Megan ran over and kneeled down beside me.

The whistle blew, but I could barely hear it. My ears were ringing, and I leaned over and threw up because of the pain.

‘Oh my God, Lex, are you OK?’ Megan said, panicking beside me.

I couldn’t answer. The pain was so bad I couldn’t think. I couldn’t hear. Then Megan’s dad was by my side examining my leg gently.

‘Probably a tear, given the amount of pain she’s in. Definitely best to get it checked out to make sure. Ambulance is on the way.’

And then I was on a stretcher and being carried off the pitch towards an ambulance.

They were about to close the doors when Niall jumped in to come with me.