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‘Lexie, what happened?’

It was like Mum had been waiting for me. She jumped up from her chair and came towards me. But this time I didn’t want to talk to her about Shane. I thought about how happy I’d been before I left. Humiliating. So I ran upstairs to my room and threw myself on to my bed.

I heard a gentle knock at the door. ‘Lexie, love?’

I didn’t answer. And Mum didn’t come in.

‘What’s for you won’t go past you,’ she said.

She loved that phrase. As if it made anything better.

Ten minutes later there was another knock at the door.

‘Lexie? Can I come in?’ It was Megan’s voice.

And I had no more energy, so I didn’t say anything when the door opened slowly, and Megan poked her head into my room.

‘Lex,’ she said, her voice shaking.

I shook my head into the pillow. Then I felt her get on to my bed beside me, lie down and stretch her arm round my back.

‘What happened?’ she whispered.

I pushed myself up and looked at her. ‘What’s wrong with me, Meg?’

‘What do you mean? There’s nothing wrong with you; you’re amazing,’ she said.

I hiccupped. ‘He wouldn’t tell me. And you wouldn’t tell me, and even Mum wouldn’t tell me. Why won’t anyone let me in?’ I said, knowing I wasn’t making much sense.

‘He wouldn’t tell you …?’ She cocked her head and pulled her knees into her chest.

‘And you, you didn’t tell me about you and Niall. Why? Because I’m such a mess that I couldn’t handle it?’ And when I came out with it, I realized it was true: I couldn’t handle it.

‘Because I felt guilty,’ she said simply.

‘It wasn’t to do with you. Well, it was, because I didn’t want to hurt you and I knew how close you guys were.

So it was just easier, not telling you.’ Megan shrugged, her wide eyes looking like she was about to cry.

‘I never meant to hurt you.’ And then she was crying. ‘I miss you so much, Lex.’

‘I miss you too,’ I said.

She leaned over and hugged me and I breathed in the familiar fruity smell of her hair.

‘Maybe it’s the same with Shane? Maybe he’s keeping secrets because he’s scared?’ she offered.

‘Of me?’ I said, ready to cry all over again.

‘Of your reaction,’ she corrected.

‘I never even asked about the trials,’ I said, filling the silence that followed.

‘Oh my God, so boring.’ Megan rolled her eyes. ‘You would have loved it. So many drills. But, yeah, they want me back for the next bit.’

The usual rage about Megan not caring enough about football didn’t show up in my gut like it usually did. I just felt happy for her.

‘That’s amazing,’ I said. ‘Tell me you’re going to go.’

‘Maybe,’ she said with a smile. ‘Niall’s just as bad as you, you know. It’s so weird, you’re practically the same person. Which kind of freaks me out.’

I shook my head. I wasn’t ready to talk about Niall. Forgiving Megan was one thing, but Niall? No way.

‘Oh, and, Lexie? Sadie phoned me yesterday. There’s going to be a scout at the game on Saturday. They were actually coming to see Shane, but they saw me play a couple of weeks ago apparently and want to watch again.’

I sniffed and wiped leftover tears from my face. ‘Are you serious?’ I let the thought settle. I’d barely thought about the game on Saturday. ‘That’s amazing. Are you excited?’

‘Yeah. I mean, it’s pretty cool, but I’m actually kind of worried about what happens if they’re interested …’

And even though it hurt to think of Shane right then, I remembered what he’d said. That it’s only great if it’s something you want.

‘You can always say no, you know, later, if you want?’ I said, and she looked at me with surprise in her eyes, like she couldn’t believe what I was saying.

‘You’re right. Thanks, Lex, but look at me, acting like I’ve already been chosen or something. Let’s talk about you. I’ve missed you so much. Will you tell me about Shane?’

And I did. From the very beginning. The night we met, Zoe’s party, the extra training, the night at my house, the funfair.

‘Shit, that’s really intense. Oh Lex, I’ve never seen you like this. But Niall was saying that Harrison had a word with him about me, that he hates when personal lives get mixed up in football. Like a warning or something, so maybe you dodged a bullet there?’

I could feel all the emotion coming back. In waves so strong they made me feel sick. But I didn’t want to cry again, so I shook Shane out of my head.

‘Megan?’

‘Yeah?’

‘Do you really think I’ll ever make the firsts? Like to start?’ I was too upset to care that I’d just asked a question whose answer terrified me.

But she didn’t hesitate. ‘Of course I do. You deserve it, Lexie. More than anyone.’

I forgot that about Megan, that she could make me feel like I was so much better than I was. And sometimes I just needed to hear it.

‘Do you want to do some practice?’ she asked, and I nodded.

Then my phone rang.

‘It’s Sadie,’ I said, and we both stared at it vibrating on my bed.

‘Answer it!’ Megan said, picking it up and shoving it towards me.

‘Hello?’

I could barely hear what Sadie said beyond ‘Can you play on Saturday?’. My ears were ringing and I just about stopped myself from bursting into tears on the phone. I saved those for after.

Megan was staring at me the whole time, trying to work out what was happening. I hung up and clamped my hand over my mouth, as if that would stop the tears streaming down my cheeks.

Megan looked panicked. ‘What? What happened?’

‘She wants me to play on Saturday.’

Then Megan’s arms were round me. I held on to her, wishing it was Shane I was holding on to.

I wished I could send him a message to tell him I was on the team.

That I’d be there too, when the scout was coming to watch him and Megan.

But instead I went outside with Megan, and we trained until we were exhausted.

‘Meg, you want to watch a movie?’ Niall called from the kitchen door.

I looked at her, expecting that to be the end of our training session.

‘Can’t, sorry, babe. Just doing some training with Lex,’ she shouted back, passing me the ball. ‘Can I sleep in your room tonight?’ she asked me.

And I felt nothing for Niall as I heard the kitchen door slam.