Page 22

By the end of the week, the assembly hall looked incredible for V-Ball.

I’d laughed when I’d found out they’d been decorating for weeks, but when I saw it at lunchtime, I understood why.

Fake trees, flowers and lampposts everywhere.

There was even a fountain in the corner, ready to be moved to wherever Zoe wanted it.

‘Looks pretty cool, doesn’t it?’

I spun round to see Hunter watching me. Happy he couldn’t see into my head, at how, when I gazed around the room, I was imagining tomorrow night, when me and Shane would be dancing, kissing , out in the open.

‘Yeah, it’s amazing.’

Hunter fidgeted with a fake flower he’d pulled from one of the vases. ‘I hate it, you know.’

‘Hate what?’ I asked, confused and irritated by his presence.

‘The way we don’t hang out any more. Like since Niall and Megan got together.’ He sounded so sad.

I let myself think back to before Niall and Megan.

Did we really hang out? Or was it just that he was there all the time with Niall?

He did used to stick up for me if Niall was taking the piss, and two years ago, he bought me a single rose for Valentine’s Day.

I thought it was because he didn’t want me to feel left out, because loads of people had sent Megan roses, but now I wasn’t so sure.

But the way he’d joined in when Niall was being awful to Shane. I’d never forget that.

I rolled my eyes. ‘You can thank Niall for that.’

‘It sucks when things change,’ he said, and I smiled at him in empathy.

‘Yeah, it really does,’ I agreed.

I sat down at one of the tables and Hunter sat down beside me.

‘Still not going to V-Ball?’ he asked, raising his eyebrows.

I hesitated. I hadn’t thought this through. ‘I don’t think so.’

‘Oh, you don’t think so? So there’s doubt?’ He grinned and for the first time I realized that Hunter had a really nice smile. One of those contagious ones that I had to actively try not to smile back at.

‘What I really meant was, no, I’m not going,’ I said, surprised at how easily the lie came out. I’d deal with that later.

‘Oh,’ he said, looking disappointed.

‘Well, seeing that my number-one choice is bailing, I might ask Zoe,’ he said, scanning my face like he was waiting for my reaction.

‘That’s a really great idea, she’s gorgeous,’ I said.

I saw a flicker of disappointment in his eyes before he stood up. I really hoped Zoe would say yes to Hunter, unless she’d found someone else to go with after Shane had said no.

‘Yeah, she’s cool. We’d better go – the bell’s about to ring.’ He held out his hand for me to stand up.

I laughed and took it, then he spun me round like we were dancing.

I tried to move away. ‘Hunter, what the hell?’

‘Just getting my dance now.’ He pulled me into him, so we were centimetres apart.

I was rigid and he must have felt it. I don’t know what he was hoping for here. A kiss? I tried to make my face neutral so my reluctance to be this close to him wouldn’t be so totally obvious.

‘Oh look, there’s Zoe,’ I said, delighted that she’d walked in. ‘Hey, Zoe!’ I called and escaped from him. ‘There you go, Hunter, now’s your chance.’ I winked at him and walked towards the door.

‘You two were looking pretty cosy,’ Zoe said, her eyes flicking from me to Hunter. Her tone frostier than usual.

‘He’s all yours,’ I said.

As I left, I wondered if she was pissed off that I was starting in the match instead of her. Maybe she didn’t even know about it. The decision had seemed kind of last minute.

At home I ate pasta, I did stretches, I drank water. I needed to be focused.

I sent a message to Shane before I left.

ME : Wish me luck x

But there was no reply. Nothing. And I didn’t have time to sit and watch my phone. We had to leave.

‘Alexandra, you ready?’ Dad jingled his keys.

‘Always ready.’ I smiled, knowing by the fact Dad hadn’t called for Niall that he wasn’t coming, and my stomach sank with disappointment. Yeah, he was upset about Megan, but this was the biggest thing that had ever happened to me. I’d thought that maybe he’d want to be there.

‘Just us?’ I asked.

Dad smiled. ‘Just us.’

I was one of the first ones there. I jogged on to the pitch to stand beside Sadie.

She looked me dead in the eyes. ‘Hi, Lexie. You ready?’

I forced Shane and Niall and everything else out of my head. ‘Yes.’

I scanned the pitch. Floodlights, frozen breath, the sound of warm-up footballs being smashed into nets. This was it. This was what I’d been training for. The first team.

I went over all the things Shane had taught me at our extra practices. Defence tactics, the Cruyff turn, I would use them all and Sadie would wonder why she hadn’t played me before.

I gazed over at the crowd hoping to see Shane. But he wasn’t there. I waved to Dad, who was waving right back at me. And right beside him? Megan. She waved too, then jogged on to the pitch towards me. She wasn’t wearing a Westing kit.

‘I couldn’t miss it. I’ll be in the dugout.

Good luck, Lex – show them what you’ve got.

’ She hesitated before reaching over to hug me.

I melted into her for a second, before pulling away.

And it shook me. My head was a mess. I wanted to hug her again, to fix everything that had happened between us, but this wasn’t the time.

‘You’re not playing?’ I asked, confused.

She shook her head. ‘Sadie wants me to rest before the trials; she’s worried I’ll get injured. Zoe’s playing my position, I think.’

I turned round to see Zoe warming up behind me.

‘That’s why I’m playing,’ I said out loud. Of course Sadie wasn’t going to play me over Zoe. How stupid could I be? Tears welled in my eyes.

‘Hey, Lex, what’s wrong?’ Megan asked, her hand on my arm.

I brushed it off and stepped back. ‘The only reason I’m playing is because you’re not. I thought …’ I stopped before I embarrassed myself.

‘Who cares? Why does it matter why you’re starting? You’re starting, Lex – this is all you’ve wanted for so long.’ She tried to grab my hands to make her point, but I moved away and she flinched.

Who was she to tell me what I wanted? Her words just sounded patronizing. Megan, who was leaving for England at the end of the summer, who didn’t even appreciate being invited to NI trials.

‘Why are you even here?’ I said.

‘To see you play,’ she said sadly.

‘I don’t need you. I don’t need Niall. I don’t need anyone.’ I turned away and squeezed my eyes shut for a second before I ran back to the team.

‘It’s going to be a tough game; this team hasn’t been beaten by anyone all season.

So let’s make it their first loss. Lexie and Hazel, cover each other.

Zoe, you’re taking Megan’s spot, so you do what she does.

Do not stop running. Come on, girls. You can do this.

’ Sadie emphasized each word like she needed us to know how much she meant it.

I took one last look at the crowd to see if Shane or Niall had come at the last minute.

But they hadn’t. Now I had to get my head in the game.

And I did. I tackled the way Shane had shown me, marked players far better than I ever had, and my passes were way more accurate.

Lola scored at the end of the first half, and we were one–nil up.

I was buzzing when I ran in for the team talk.

‘Nice work, girls. Zoe, you’re doing a great job in midfield, and Lexie, excellent work. I can see a huge improvement in your skills. Hannah, keep focused – they’re going to come back strong in the second half. We can win this, girls. Come on!’

Sadie was right. The other team did come back strong.

It was like they were faster, more skilful, fitter than us.

They scored an early goal, and we fell apart.

I couldn’t concentrate. I started throwing myself into tackles, made sloppy passes and with each mistake I just felt worse. And even more pissed off.

When it went out and should have been a goal kick, I snapped. ‘It’s not a corner!’

The ref ignored me and pointed to the side line. ‘Corner ball.’

I kicked the ground. ‘It’s not a fucking corner.’

The ref blew her whistle and called me over. ‘There’s no swearing on my pitch. Any more of that and it’ll be a red card.’

I nodded through gritted teeth.

‘Lexie, settle!’ Sadie called from the sidelines.

I couldn’t look at her. I’d done all this training, and I still wasn’t good enough. I just didn’t have it in me to be good for a whole match.

And then we were losing. Two–one.

And after wishing so hard that they’d been there during the first half, I was so glad that Shane or Niall hadn’t come to see me make such an embarrassment of myself.

Zoe got man of the match and Sadie couldn’t seem to stop telling her how great she was as a midfielder. And I didn’t have the energy to hide my feelings. The lump in my throat was getting bigger and I had to leave the pitch before they saw me cry.

‘Lex,’ I heard Megan say.

Why had she stayed? I hated that she’d stayed to see that mess of a match. I couldn’t even look at her. So I waited until she started talking to Sadie before I walked past them and over to Dad.

On the way home, Dad tried to make me feel better.

‘That was a great pass you made to … What do you call her? The redhead?’

‘Zoe,’ I said, her name bitter on my tongue.

‘And you didn’t stop. The whole time, Lexie, you didn’t stop running. I’m so impressed.’

It was like he was trying to think of anything positive to say. And that’s why, halfway home, he ran out of words and left me alone.

I looked at my phone.

SHANE : Aw shit, I’m so sorry. I thought the match was next week. How did it go?

Then I cried. Right there in the car. Silent tears, but not silent enough.

‘Lexie, don’t cry,’ Dad said. ‘Focus on the good parts. Yeah, it was a tough second half, but you were all over them in the first half. And that goal? It came from your clearance out of the box.’

I shook my head and didn’t say anything because I didn’t want him to hear my voice clogged with tears. Shane forgot? He knew how important it was to me.

ME : It was terrible. I was terrible. We lost and at least one of the goals was my fault

SHANE : No. A goal is never the fault of one person. It’s a TEAM sport. I bet it wasn’t as bad as you think

ME : It was. I let the team down. Sadie will never want me on the firsts again

SHANE : I’ve had awful games too

I knew he was lying, but it helped.

ME : Really?

SHANE : Really. Everyone has off days. It doesn’t say anything about you. You’re brilliant, Lexie, and I wish I’d been there. I’m so sorry. How can I make it up to you?

ME : Be excited for V-Ball

I knew he’d been hesitating, and so had I, thinking about how it would look.

All the people who would be upset when they found out about us: Niall, Hunter, Megan, Zoe.

But I wanted it, like I needed to prove something.

When I walked into V-Ball with Shane on my arm, I wanted the whole school to know I was worthy of someone like that.