Page 6

In my normal life, if Hunter had said something like that to me I’d be running to find Megan, bursting to tell her.

Instead, I avoided everyone, focused on school, and thought about football in the car on the way home, dreaming about the day I’d get to go to Barcelona to see Bonmatí in real life.

Nobody spoke. Niall sat in the back seat, earbuds in, and Megan scrolled through her phone.

I could feel her glancing at me every few minutes, but it didn’t faze me.

When I was thinking about football, nothing else mattered.

I dropped Megan home and as soon as I got back, I got changed and went straight outside.

Our house overlooked Belfast Lough, so the air was thick with salt and the tang of the sea. It had always calmed me down. Running out there had always felt like a remedy for whatever I was feeling. Pissed off, disappointed, lonely? Fixed. Maybe it would work for betrayal too.

I ran across the grass, opened the gate and stared out at the water, taking deep breaths of salted air, before walking down the steps on to the sand.

The wind was strong and blew my hair across my face.

The waves smashed against the shoreline like they were as angry as I was.

And I was about to scream into the wind, to let it all out, the disappointment of not being chosen for the firsts again, the pain of Megan and Niall being together, the awkwardness of Hunter asking me to V-Ball.

All of it. It was all too much. But then I heard someone calling my name from down the beach.

‘Dad!’ I shouted, running towards him. ‘When did you get back?’

‘Just in time it seems,’ he said, laughing. His eyes were twinkling. ‘Looks like you were about to take a swim.’

I wrapped my arms round his waist. He was still wearing one of his work suits, minus the jacket, and he smelled of the same aftershave he’d always worn.

Spicy and sweet at the same time. I breathed him in.

I don’t think I realized how much I still missed him when he was away.

When I was a kid, I used to cry about it and Niall would make up stupid songs to cheer me up, but even though the tears didn’t happen any more, the house kind of felt empty without him.

A big man, with an even bigger presence.

‘How are you, Alexandra?’ he asked when I released him.

‘I’m good, yeah. School’s fine, football’s fine.’ I was speaking too quickly.

‘And how’s your brother?’

Niall’s mission in life was to impress Dad. It always had been. And it was weird because I never felt like that. Maybe it was because I didn’t have to work too hard for Dad to act like I was the greatest thing that graced the planet.

‘He’s fine too,’ I said, hoping that would be the end of questions about Niall, because I’d never been able to hide my feelings very well, and there was no way he wouldn’t guess something was wrong.

Dad was the only person I knew who loved the lough as much as I did. When he was at home, I could always find him staring out the kitchen window into the distance, where the lough disappeared into the Irish Sea.

I inhaled the salted air deeply and it slowed my heart.

‘So why are you down here all alone?’ Dad asked carefully.

‘Extra training,’ I said, followed by: ‘I didn’t make the first team.’ Getting it out there before he asked.

He put his arm round my shoulder and pulled me closer to him. ‘Keep at it, pet. If it’s something you really want, don’t give up.’ He picked up a stone and threw it into the water.

‘I’ll get there. I know I will. I just have to work harder.’

‘When’s the next match?’

‘Friday, up at the Dub.’

‘Well, I might just swing by then.’ Dad looked at me like he was going to say something else. ‘You’re my favourite daughter, you know.’

I laughed. ‘When are you away again?’

He sighed. ‘Next Friday. Stockholm this time.’

‘Mum going?’ I asked. ‘Not sure she’s been with you to Sweden yet. Then she could meet real-life Swedish people and see that they don’t just murder each other and wear Fair Isle jumpers all the time.’ I pulled a face.

Dad laughed and he looked like Niall.

‘She is,’ he said. ‘You know, Alexandra, speaking of your mum, she thinks you’re doing too much training. What do you think?’ Dad looked straight at me, so I didn’t have time to tell my face not to look so pissed off.

‘Too much for what?’

‘For your health. She’s just worried about you,’ he said, speaking louder over the wind.

I kicked the sand. ‘Worried about me? What would Mum know about anything? The closest she got to a team sport was some snobby tennis club.’

‘Your mum knows a lot about sports. More than I do.’ He looked at me and raised his eyebrows.

‘No, sure, you played football, didn’t you?’ I looked at him, confused. I’d always seen myself as a carbon copy of Dad. Mum wasn’t into sports.

‘I did, but I wasn’t very good, and I certainly didn’t have your work ethic. But, listen, I just wanted to check that you’re not doing too much.’

‘I’m not.’

‘As long as you’re sure, Lexie.’

‘Positive.’ I always liked the way Dad spoke to me like an adult.

‘Race you home?’

OK, not always like an adult. And despite everything, by the time we’d run up the steps to the house, I was laughing.

Mum smiled when we walked into the kitchen gasping for air. ‘You’ll give yourself a heart attack running like that, Stephen!’

‘I’m very fit, I’ll have you know,’ Dad said, walking over and pulling her into a hug.

She squealed and tried to pull away. Then they started kissing.

‘Oh my God, please stop,’ I said, but not too loudly. I was hoping that Niall would come in and have to witness it too.

And my wish was granted because he came in a few seconds later, saw what was happening, then walked straight back out again. Then my phone buzzed.

NIALL : Tell me when that’s over

ME : No. Now you know how I felt. Except you don’t because Dad wasn’t …

NIALL : There’s something very, VERY wrong with you. Why are you even still in the kitchen?

Why was I still in the kitchen, standing there like some kind of voyeur?

I went up to my room, where I did my homework, watched more football highlights, and wished so hard that I’d never walked in on Megan and Niall.

It was times like this I was going to miss the most. After-school gossiping, doing hair, doing nails, even Sunday-night movies.

And it was like she knew I was thinking about her because my phone vibrated.

MEGAN : Can we be friends again yet?

MEGAN : I’m sorry I didn’t tell you

MEGAN : I’m SORRY!

MEGAN : Please forgive me

MEGAN : I miss you

And even though my heart broke for our friendship, I couldn’t bring myself to message back. I stopped myself from writing something horrible in reply. But that was the best I could do.