Page 77 of Margot

“What the fuck?” I walked over to the mirror and realized he must have been right. My feet led me to this mirror in this space that I barely recognized like I’d lived here for years.

My face was the face in the picture.

It was Sutton’s face.

“Are you fucking with me, Lennox? If this is your way of trying to break things off with me then just…”

“No. That’s not it. I’m trying to get you to realize that you’re an alter. You’re very real,” he said, walking over to me. “But you and Sutton exist in the same body.”

Nothing made sense.

I understood what he meant logically. My brain processed it just fine but I hated it at the same time. I rejected it and wanted to tell him he was wrong. I couldn’t deny the face looking back at me in the mirror though.

I was quiet for a while, letting my mind run wild with thoughts and memories and trying to piece together the fuzzy puzzle.

“Margot?” Lennox called out. I looked over my shoulder at him and he held out his arms for me. As much as I wanted to stay rooted where I was, I couldn’t. I needed to feel Lennox’s arms around me.

“All I hear is that I’m a figment,” I said, my voice trembling. “I am not a figment, Lennox. You’re holding me right now. I’m real.”

“Youarereal, Margot. You just share a body and headspace with Sutton,” he reiterated.

“That must be why I feel like I’m walking in the dark or sleeping all the time,” I said more to myself than to Lennox.

“Is that how you feel when you’re not in control?” He stroked my hair and like always, it relaxed me.

“I guess…I don’t know. I always feel like I’m in the darkest parts of the woods and when I’m there I hate it. I’m consumed with…memories. It makes me jumpy and…”

“Stiff?” Lennox asked with a concerned frown.

“Yeah. Like I’m scared all the fucking time because it’s so dark.” My voice cracked a little and I walked over to the bed to sit down.

“Sutton is scared most of the time too. She doesn’t have any memories of anything bad though. She’s just stiff whenever I try to touch her or make love to her. It’s like she can’t access a piece of herself.”

“You think that piece is me?” I blinked at him, totally in awe of everything. I didn’t know how to handle being an alternate part of someone’s mind. I felt just as real and whole as anyone else.

Sure, parts of my memory were fuzzy and I felt like I was secluded in a dark room most of the time but I just thought it was depression.

I thought something was wrong with me but I never thought I was a part of someone else. The longer I sat there on the bed, the more my thoughts unraveled and showed me what was true.

“I’m gonna go get you a bottle of water,” Lennox said. When he left the room, I reached back into my mind and tried to remember what my job was, where my house was. Little things that a normal person would know right off the bat.

Nothing rang any real bells.

I knew I lost my job recently.

I knew I lost a relationship recently.

That was it.

“Here you go,” Lennox appeared with a cold bottle of water and I jerked my gaze to him.

“Thank you,” I sniffled. “Is there any way for me to talk to Sutton?” I asked after a few silent moments ticked by.

“Dr. Adler said to try journaling. So, you write something for her and she’ll write back.”

“But I can’t call out to her? Like having a phone conversation? God, I know I sound stupid.” I rubbed my forehead and stood up again. I had to move. Nervous energy was building up in my body.

“I’m not sure,” Lennox sighed. “This is all new to me. I guess once you two have more control you can come forth at will and Sutton would be able to do the same thing. Maybe you two can communicate in passing that way.”