Page 12 of Margot

I was drowning in frustration.

“Lennox, I’m sorry,” Sutton sobbed on the bed. She buried her face in her hands and pulled her knees up to her chest.

I couldn’t say anything else.

Normally, I would push all other thoughts to the back of my mind and let my carnal hunger take over but I couldn’t do that anymore. I was tired of intimacy between us being one-sided.

With lead feet, I walked into the bathroom and locked the door behind myself. I turned on the shower and climbed into the hot spray of water. I needed something to take my mind off the fact that I married the perfect woman but I couldn’t unlock all of her love. It burned going down like a shot of aged scotch.

Since my dick wouldn’t obey me and go down, I jerked off in the shower. It was barely pleasurable. I did it solely for the fucking release it granted both physically and mentally.

Once I cut the shower off, I heard the piano echoing through the house. Every note was full to the brim with sorrow. As much as I wanted to reach out to Sutton and hold her, it was pointless and I was numb.

I laid down in bed and my mind spun to the music crying through the air.

What if I found another woman that I only used for sex? Would Sutton be against it at this point? I couldn’t stand the thought of making love to another woman though.

It gutted me.

Sutton was the love of my life and I knew for a fact I’d hit the universal jackpot when I found her. I just…wanted to be loved in the same way I loved her. I loved Sutton without boundaries but I was starting to think I was insane for expecting reciprocity.

I fell asleep tossing around the idea of getting a girlfriend. I felt like shit for even entertaining the idea though.

…

I don’t even remember if Sutton came to bed last night. I was sleeping too hard to notice. When I woke up, I heard the piano though, so I knew that whether she did or didn’t, she still had feelings she needed to get out. Feelings she refused to talk to me about.

I sat up and stared out of the window for a while watching Baltimore City yawn and stretch its way to life below. I watched all types of women come and go and I tried to imagine myself striking up a conversation with one of them. I tried to imagine myself flirting and asking one of them out for dinner.

Every scenario left a bitter taste in my mouth.

With a sigh, I pushed to my feet and trudged into the living room. Sutton’s back was to me like every other time I stood and watched her play. I was transfixed. Her long dark hair swayed gently while she playedClair De Lunewith delicate fingers.

Sutton had magic in her bones.

I didn’t disturb her with my presence. I let her get out everything inside of her heart and head while I made coffee. It was already seven thirty in the morning and I had to be in the office by eight. I also had a joint showing with Ebony at nine.

I slid my mug under the coffee maker and went into the bedroom to fish out a suit. Sutton continued to play. She didn’t look up once when I walked behind her and I knew she sensed me moving around. If nothing else she smelled the coffee.

I wished more than anything that I could crack the code to everything swirling around in her brilliant mind.

I looked through the suits hanging in the closet and decided on gray with a teal tie. Before I got dressed, I stared at myself in the full-length mirror and wondered what Sutton saw when she looked at me.

Expensive clothes hung on racks to the left and right of me. Shoes that were made of fine Italian leather and purses worth a car note surrounded me but I stood stripped down to my underwear.

Vulnerable and open.

Did Sutton see that? Did she see that I would bare my soul to her if she’d give me even a glimpse into hers? I felt more pieces of my heart break off and shatter into the abyss that had become my chest.

When music stopped radiating through the house, I poked my head out of the spacious closet. Sutton sat on the bed, looking down at her hands in contemplation. I saw the torture on her face but I had no idea how to save her from it. The tip of her nose was red and her cheeks were flushed.

Had she been crying?

I grabbed my suit and walked into the bedroom.

“Good morning, Lennox,” she said softly. Puffy bags had gathered under her eyes.

“Good morning.” I leaned over and kissed the top of her head. It was a simple gesture but I was hesitant to do even that. When did our marriage become so strained?