Page 18 of Margot

CHAPTER FOUR

SUTTON

I wasn’t used to radiating happiness. Normally I was in a neutral state. I usually thought about piano, my latest concert or what performance I had coming up.

Today, every thought was Lennox.

The way he kissed me last night. The way he held me. The way he wanted more. I wanted more too but no matter how hard I tried to ask for it, I couldn’t.

Like the other night when he was between my legs and his tongue was everywhere, slipping into the deepest parts of me. I couldn’t ask him to make love to me. I wanted to more than anything but my lips were stone. They wouldn’t move even though my mind screamed at me to tell him yes.

I spent the entire day thinking about how I pushed him away. Why the hell would he stay with me? Why would any man in their right mind stay with me?

Last night was different though. I felt something shift. It was easier to ask him for a kiss. It had been easy like that in the past but recently everything had become harder. Maybe I was under too much stress?

Maybe constantly performing was driving me insane little by little.

I thought about working too much while I ran through my practice pieces for rehearsal later on. Only I would practice for practice.

I couldn’t help it though. I had to squeeze in as many hours as possible. I was always up before Lennox. I made friends with the moon in the morning instead of the sun. I loved the way it felt to play to the sunrise.

Today was no different. I left Lennox asleep in bed but before I got up, I stared at him for a few lingering seconds. He was better than any piece of music I’d ever played.

While he was sleeping, I traced the music notes tattooed on his chocolate skin. I could hear the song playing as I lightly dragged my fingertips over every note. I wanted to kiss him there but I didn’t want to wake him and something inside of me refused to let me make the first move.

Whatever it was pushed me more and more every day and I hated it. I couldn’t wait to make an appointment with Dr. Adler. I hoped she could get us in soon because I was at the end of my rope. I felt like a stranger in my own body.

I hoped I could figure out what was going on with me before I lost Lennox. I doubt it would ever be an intentional loss on his part but it would be inevitable. Who would want to sit around waiting for a locked door to spontaneously open?

I pulled my hand away from his hard chest and got out of bed, heading for the Steinway in the living room. The moment I settled on the bench, I felt at home. I pulled in a breath and flipped through the book of sheet music until I found the piece I would be practicing at rehearsal today.

I played until my knuckles ached but it was an ache I’d gotten used to. The piano had been my fate since before I could read. I fell madly in love with it and never looked back. Aching knuckles were love taps.

“Good morning, beautiful,” Lennox’s deep voice made me jump and I cursed myself for missing notes. I hated being so easily startled.

“Good morning. I didn’t hear you get up,” I told him after catching my breath.

“You were lost,” he said with a smile hanging on his lips.

“Do you have time to play with me?” I asked him. My eyebrows lifted and I knew he could see the hope in my eyes.

“I’m sorry, baby. I have to get to work so I can be ready for that showing, remember?” He tipped his head to the side. I poked my lips out a little and nodded.

What if he was leaving a little earlier to have more time with Ebony?

I hated the fact that I had such a shallow and jealous thought but it was a sign I needed to get myself together before questions like those became a reality.

“Oh…right. I hope you kill it today, Lennox.” I stood and walked over to him. We were almost middle to middle. When I looked up at him, I wanted to beg him to make love to me so that I was the only woman on his mind while he was at work.

I tried to force the words from my mouth but my phone chimed with a text message and my courage vacated. I turned away from Lennox and picked up the phone.

Sarah: Are you geeked for the magazine interview today?

My brows furrowed as I stared at the message.

Sarah played principal flute in the orchestra and she was one of the only people I spoke to outside of concerts and rehearsals.

I couldn’t remember for the life of me hearing about a magazine coming to interview us at rehearsal. I checked my calendar and it was there. I was stressing way too much.