Page 44 of Lessons in Chemistry

“Blame it on being nineteen, then. We have hormones that make us make stupid decisions, right? I’m sure I read that somewhere.”

He stares at me.

I rub my neck. “Or maybe not. We have dicks that make us make stupid decisions?”

He chuckles. “Yeah, I’ll go with that.”

“You haven’t lost Casey, and you’re not going to get rid of me either. I want to date you, but you need some time to decide if that’s what you want. Fake or not, last night’s date and kiss was to make Casey jealous. He’s the one you’re pining for. Normally, I’d be fine with being the rebound guy. Rebound sex is hot as hell. But I want more than a one-time fling with you. Are you a wizard?”

Emory’s cheeks blaze like the dying embers of a fire. “Am I a—what now?”

“Wizard. I bet you playDungeons and Dragons,don’t you?”

He shakes his head.

“Oh, okay. Anyway, I think you’ve put a spell on me.”

“Magic isn’t real.”

“Says you, mister man of science. You’ve put a love spell on me, haven’t you?”

His expression drops into one of horror. “Even if that were possible, which it’s not, I wouldn’t do that. That wouldn’t be consensual at all.”

“Relax. I’m joking.” I soften my tone and put on what I hope is a more serious expression, but I don’t know if I pull it off or not. “I know you wouldn’t do that. There’s something about you that makes me want more than a one-and-done, and I have to admit that’s a bit scary. Joking about it is my way of dealing with that fear.”

Emory relaxes.

“I want to date you, but not right now. Get over Casey first, and if you’re still interested, let me know.”

He picks at the label on his plastic cup. “I should be thanking Casey.”

I frown. “What for?”

“Making things less complicated.”

“I’m not following.”

“I love him.” He looks up. “But I’m falling for you too. I’ve been feeling all kinds of guilty for liking both of you at once. I wasn’t sure how it was even possible to want to be with two guys at the same time. I guess I don’t have to worry about it anymore. Thanks to Casey.” His voice is full of sadness.

I put my hand on my thigh beneath the table and curl it into a fist. Fucking hell, Casey. Why can’t you tell Emory the truth? Explain things to him as you did to me. I can still remember the look in Casey’s eyes as he was talking to me. He looked so lost. Confusion swirled in his eyes. I can tell, even if he can’t admit it to himself, that he loves Emory. So now I’m torn between playing matchmaker and dating Emory myself. Not that I can play matchmaker without betraying Casey’s trust, and I won’t do that.

Besides, I’ve got confusing thoughts of my own to contend with. The trust Casey placed in me last night made my heart patter. No one’s ever confided in me like that before. But he did. He told me things he’s never told anyone else. Plus, he let me hug him, and damn, if it didn’t feel good to have my arms around him and his head against my chest.

I need to get my thoughts back on topic. Emory. He’s the one I’m taking care of. The one I want to be with, but not right now. Not until he’s sorted his head out. Only, maybe giving Emory space isn’t what he needs. Maybe I should pull him into my arms, kiss the hell out of him, and show him that someone wants him. Or perhaps I’m projecting what I want onto him.

“I think all our heads are messy right now,” I say.

“You’re probably right. And you’re right about not rushing into anything too. I should take some time to decide what I want and who I want.”

“What?”

“What if I do that and still want you both? I know I can’t have Casey. And maybe I can’t have you either. But what if I can have and want you but still want Casey too? You’re not going to want me on those terms. I’m sorry. I’m rambling. I’ve never been in this position before. I’ve never fancied two men at the same time before. I’ve never even had a boyfriend.”

“You’re allowed to have feelings for two guys.”

“Maybe, but I still have to choose, don’t I? I can’t have you both.”

I gnaw my lower lip for a moment. I don’t have an answer for him, so I settle on changing the subject instead. “You’re a great guy, Emory. I like you, even if you are a bad influence on me.”