Page 173 of Lessons in Chemistry

“That’s the trouble, isn’t it? You both love your work more than me.”

“That’s not true, August.”

“It sure as hell feels like it is.”

He clasps his hands again. “I’m sorry. I didn’t come here to argue.”

“Only to make excuses?” I bite out, regretting it instantly.

He sighs. “Or to make excuses. I came here to talk.”

“So talk.” My heart races. I could do with a hug from Emory and Casey right now.

After a long pause, he lifts his head. “You were right yesterday. So were your friends. I know I said I wasn’t going to make excuses, but my father always expected me to do my best.”

“There’s a difference between asking me to do my best and expecting the impossible of me.”

“I know. My expectations have been too high and too rigid. I was disappointed that you were more interested in partying than in doing well. But you’ve done a lot to turn your degree around these past few months. I should have come here to praise you, not admonish you.” He rubs his thumb over the back of his other hand and stares at the carpet. “I should have told you I’m proud of you. I should have thanked your tutor. Emory, was it?”

I nod.

“For all the help he’s given you. I didn’t mean to insult your study partner by implying that anything below a two-one isn’t good enough. I’m sorry, August. I’ve been so wrapped up in the future I’d planned for you that I didn’t want to listen when you told me it wasn’t what you wanted.”

“Dad—”

“I was in awe of my father. I saw what he’d built, and I wanted to follow in his footsteps. I couldn’t understand why you wouldn’t. I thought you were being rebellious, that you would eventually want the same thing too. I was wrong.”

“Very wrong. I am proud of you, Dad. You’ve taken Granddad’s company and made it twice as successful. But I have no interest in pharmaceuticals. I don’t want the pressure of running a company, especially one that creates drugs that could have life-altering effects. It’s too much for me. I’m sorry if that disappoints you, but I would be miserable if I followed in your footsteps. Emory, on the other hand, wants to change the world, although he’ll deny it if you ask him. He wants to create medicines with minimal side effects, so patients don’t have to trade off one aspect of their health for another.”

“You seem to know a lot about what he wants to do with his life.”

Uh-oh. How do I rescue this? “We’re friends, Dad. We talk. His goal was to get me interested in pharmaceuticals, so I’d be more excited about studying. It didn’t work. I admire his dream, but it’s not mine. I don’t have the drive he does. I haven’t watched someone suffer because of the drugs they’re taking like he has.” I need to shut up, or it’s going to be obvious I’m in love with Emory.

“Who?”

“His grandmother. She had a neurological ailment that couldn’t be cured. The drugs to relieve the pain cause issues with her liver and stuff.” Emory would be proud of me for remembering all of that.

“That’s a shame.”

I nod. I need to swing the conversation away from Emory. “Following in your footsteps isn’t for me, Dad. I’m sorry that makes me a huge fucking disappointment in your eyes.”

“What do you want from me?”

I widen my eyes. I was not expecting that. “I’d like you to listen to me and stop pushing me in a direction I don’t want to go, and I’d love it if you’d stopped threatening me every time I don’t meet your stupidly high expectations. Most of all, I’d like you to get to know me.”

He clears his throat and looks me in the eyes. “We’re strangers, aren’t we?”

It’s hard to swallow or breathe, thanks to the large lump that’s formed in my throat. My chest is squeezing tight. “Yes.”

He glances at me and nods. “And that’s my fault, isn’t it?”

“I stopped trying too.”

“I didn’t mean to keep you at arm’s length. It’s just—Damn it. I said I wasn’t going to make excuses.”

“Let me guess. Granddad wasn’t around when you were growing up, so you never learnt how to be a father?”

“Something like that. The difference is, my mum was around.”