Page 116 of Lessons in Chemistry

I jump up. “Yes, please.”

Auggie laughs. “Told you.”

“I’m surprised you were so patient,” Casey says as we wander into the dining room.

“I couldn’t open them without you.” I stop and stare at the garden through the patio doors. “Wow. That’s huge.”

“Are we talking about my dick?” Auggie puts his arms around our shoulders.

I snort-laugh. “I meant your garden, but now that you mention it—” Not that I have anything to compare his dick to except my own. Oh, and the way Casey’s fills out his Speedos. I make a funny whining noise in my throat.

“It’s a big garden,” Casey agrees.

“How long is it?” I ask.

“Oh, easily ten inches,” Auggie replies.

I give him a stern look.

“Forty feet.”

“Your cock is not ten inches,” I say.

“It’s ten-man inches.”

“What does that mean?” Casey asks.

“Guys have a tendency to overexaggerate the size of things, especially their cock,” Auggie replies.

Casey lifts one eyebrow. “We do?”

“Some guys do. It makes us more desirable. Or that’s the theory anyway.”

Casey makes a face. “But ten inches? I know I’m not into sex, but wouldn’t that be painful?”

Auggie throws his head back and laughs. “Probably. I’m not sure I want to think about it.”

I definitely don’t want to think about having ten inches of dick anywhere.

“Presents?” Auggie says.

I turn away from the garden and lean on the table. “Where do I start?”

“With whichever one is closest to you,” Auggie says.

I pluck a thin, floppy present out of the box and tear off the paper, revealing a blue T-shirt. I laugh at the slogan on the front, hold it up, and turn it to face them. “A. Force is definitely equal to mass times acceleration.”

Auggie nudges Casey. “You said he’d pick both.”

“I thought he would.”

“I likeStar Wars,so it was a fair assumption.” I open the next present. It’s a notepad with squared paper. Every page has a right angle marked on it, along with a cat with its front paws on the vertical line and its back paws on the horizontal line. Beneath the cat, it says ‘Purr-Pendicular’.

“It’s an apology for doodling all over your other notebook,” Auggie says.

I hug it to my chest. “I love it. Where did you find it?”

Auggie taps his nose. “That’s our secret.”