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CHAPTER SIXTY-THREE

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If it’s possible, the death of Vance Lennon has brought even more scrutiny on his granddaughter, with supporters and detractors alike hoping for something, though this reporter fails to understand what.

Those who have never liked Miss Lennon are waiting for her to fall apart with grief and hope her performances suffer. Those who support her are hoping for iron-like resilience that should be expected of no one in the face of a loved one dying. Though Vanessa has cut a straight line through all of these hopes, there is a sense that even now, at a time of deep personal loss, she cannot win.

I, personally, applaud Miss Lennon’s strength. Her ability to perform in spite of everything. I also hope she can take the time needed to heal from something so painful. But most of all, I hope that the world, myself and the media included, will simply leave her alone for a while. After everything everyone has put her through, she deserves that.

HOLLY BUCHANAN, FORMULA 1 REPORTER

Vanessa slept.

Though fall was already here, it was still beautiful outside, and we clung to the last few days of beauty.

The large, futon-like mattress in the backyard of our home was new. Grayson’s idea, since it seemed like Vanessa liked being outside when she wasn’t in the nest or wasn’t working.

She did everything as normal, and she was exceptional. But she’d retreated. I didn’t blame her. The funeral had been brutal, with the event being bigger than we could have imagined.

Through it all, she didn’t cry again. Not since that first moment when she’d heard the news. That memory shattered me whenever I thought about it. I didn’t know a person could sound like that, and the fact that it was Vanessa tore at my soul.

At the moment, she slept. We were outside, on the mattress that overlooked the ocean and Monaque City. Due to the strangeness of Formula 1, there were some smaller breaks in the schedule so everyone could get their equipment across the world to the next track. Small blessings that an off week had fallen right now so we could bring her home and let her rest.

But the way she’d fallen into herself scared me. The light in her eyes… we needed it to come back. Even if it was only a little at a time.

I would never know the profound grief of losing someone like a grandfather. I’d never known mine, and the father I did have didn’t care. Not anymore, at least. We spoke on holidays and birthdays. I’d done him proud as a racing success, and he supported me without question even when I’d had to leave home as a kid to pursue it. But since I wasn’t ready to take over his business, he’d invested his energy into the children who would. Half-siblings I barely knew.

Instead, I would be here for her through her grief.

Reaching out, I stroked my fingers through her hair. Slowly and evenly. Nessa had curled up on her side, her head pillowed on a sweatshirt, wearing a sports bra and shorts to feel the sun on her skin. But she had pieces of us with her too. Beck’s sweatshirt was the pillow she used. One hand was tangled with a t-shirt that smelled like me. Elias’s sweatpants lay crumpled nearby, on top of one of Grayson’s dress shirts.

Hell, half of our clothing was in the nest right now, offering her comfort whenever she needed. She built her nest out of our clothes, the pillows and blankets we’d bought for her, anything she wanted. Personally, I didn’t give a shit if I needed to start using the nest as a closet if it made her feel better.

I missed her, and she was lying beside me.

I watched my Omega’s lungs fill more deeply and the shift that told me she was waking, but I didn’t stop the movement of my hand, still dragging it slowly through her hair.

Her eyes were unfocused when they opened before landing on me. She didn’t move, just leaned into my touch. “Hi.”

“Hey, sweetheart.”

“I fell asleep.”

I nodded. “You did.”

“How long have I been out?”

“I don’t know. I’ve been with you for maybe half an hour.”

Her brow furrowed. “Just with me sleeping? You didn’t wake me?”

“Why would I?”

“Because lying next to an unconscious person is boring?” She closed her eyes once more.

“Not an unconscious person,” I said, completing another path with my hand. “You. I’ll happily be wherever you are, Nes. Conscious or not.”

A flicker of a smile appeared before it fled.

“You’re awake now though?” It was a careful question.

She sighed softly. “I guess.”

Using that same hand, I cradled the back of her head and pulled us toward each other. These words had to be said gently, but they were important. Every instinct I had told me my Omega needed help. I kissed her forehead. “I need you to come back to us, baby. Please.”

“I’m right here.”

Slowly, I shook my head. “But you’re not. You’re going through the motions. You’re performing. But you ? You’ve been gone.”

Her eyes, when they lifted to mine, were filled with agony. “I don’t know how to be here like this.”

“That’s okay.” I pulled again, pressing our foreheads together. “You don’t have to know. We’ll be here to help you figure it out. As long as you’re here. Stay with us.”

Vanessa surged for me, wrapping her body around mine and clinging like I was the anchor keeping her from floating away. And fuck if I wouldn’t be happy to be just that for the rest of my life. I felt her swallow. “What if I can’t come back?”

“You can,” I whispered. “I promise. The world is different, and you’ll be different because that’s what happens when you lose someone. But you can come back. You’re allowed to exist, baby. You’re allowed to live. To feel happiness and joy along with all the pain.” Her fingers dug into the fabric of my shirt as I started to purr. “I don’t mean that you have to be okay or that this is all the time you get to grieve. Of course not. But please don’t lose yourself to it. He wouldn’t want you to.”

She still clung to me, but I felt without looking at her that she was still present.

“It felt like he’d live forever, you know? Made it through his whole racing career without a scratch and beat the cancer. Or we thought he had. I knew he was frail, and I knew it could happen. But… he was so strong, it felt like he couldn’t die. Like it wasn’t possible.”

“I get that.”

Vanessa sighed, her body softening in my hold. I took that moment to breathe her in. She hadn’t felt like this, even while we held her, since before it happened.

When she pulled back, there was some of my Omega there in her gaze. A start. Yet there was a hesitance there I didn’t like. “Are… you guys okay? Are you upset?—”

“Please don’t even finish that question. No, we are not upset with you for grieving. Nor are we upset that you’ll need time. I’m asking you to let us help you. Let us remind you that you are alive . You’re still here. You’re still ours. I’m still your Alpha, and you’re my Omega. I won’t let you vanish into yourself. Not just for you. I’m selfish.” She smiled a little at that. “I miss you.”

“I miss you too.”

The words ached, so I held her a little harder. Purred a little stronger. “I love you too much to let you disappear. When it hurts, we’ll help you. It doesn’t have to be everything. Just let a little of the world back in, one day at a time.”

When she lifted her chin, asking me to kiss her, I did just that. Softly. Gently. Pouring everything I hoped she needed into it.

One big breath in and out. “Thank you,” she whispered.

“For what?”

“Reminding me that I can be both. Even in something like this.”

To be present while still in pain and healing. To know we had her back no matter what she was going through. “I’ll always remind you. We’ll always remind you.”

Vanessa sat up and faced the view, stretching, before she wrapped her arms around her knees. “It’s the same view. But it feels different.”

“It’ll feel different every time you look at it, baby. But it’ll be waiting for you either way.” I wasn’t talking about the view.

A cruise ship slowly steamed into the city, and we watched it come and dock. The sun tipped downward toward the horizon turning the afternoon sky to shades of gold. “For the first time it feels like I might be okay,” Vanessa said. “Not now. I’m not okay now. I won’t be for a while. But I will be.”

I tucked my chin over her shoulder. “Yeah. You will be.” She was the one to take my hand and lace our fingers together. “Want to go inside and get something to eat? Maybe we can convince the others to do something fun. A low-key date night. Nothing wild. Movies. Cuddles. Blankets.” An evening spent with my Omega was no hardship, no matter the circumstance.

A soft, barely there laugh. “I think so. But… not yet. Just a little while longer.”

Moving so she sat between my legs, we stayed and watched the sea until she was ready. I would wait for her forever, so this was nothing. Just a little while longer.