Page 52

CHAPTER FIFTY-ONE

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hoardingbookdragon: So, wait, did she really race while in heat?

Books.and.boos: Seems that way! Incredible.

cute_as_ah_button: That’s kind of badass.

malevolentturnips: That’s kind of fucking dangerous. They should never have let her do it.

callowayofthewild: You’re just mad that a woman in heat still made the podium.

malevolentturnips: Bet your ass I am.

“ NO .” I shouted the word as River and Beck crossed the line on the bikes in front of me, one and then the other. I was only feet behind them, but I still lost.

“Sorry, love.” Beck circled around me, lifting up off the seat. “If it makes you feel better, you’ll always be better than me in a car.”

“Not me though,” River smirks.

I slowed my bike down and dismounted. “I’ll get there.”

“And I’ll try to stop you.”

“Do your worst.”

He dismounted next to me and backed me against the wall of the mansion. “I don’t know if you’re ready for my worst, baby.”

“Don’t know until you show me.”

“Tempting.” He dropped a kiss on my lips. “If only I didn’t have a meeting.”

I narrowed my eyes. “I thought no one is allowed to work?”

“With my agent,” he said. “So just me. Not Formula business.”

“Fine. Abandon me,” I put on an exaggerated pout.

He laughed. “Luckily for me, your other mates are here to keep you company in my long, arduous absence. But I’ll see you soon.” He kissed me again, deeper, allowing his tongue to slide along mine in ways that spoke without words.

Beck finished putting away all three of our bikes and set his hand on my lower back as we walked inside. The last few days had been nothing but bliss and relaxation. Not to mention that the house was incredible.

“Do you know where Gray is?”

This morning he hadn’t wanted to go for a bike ride.

“Probably in the sauna or recovering from it.”

“Hmm.” That could be interesting.

I snuck up onto the second floor where all the bedrooms were and found Gray on his bed. Naked. This I could get behind.

Stripping until all that was left were my panties, I moved slowly enough that I wasn’t moving the bed. Much. Napping probably wasn’t in my immediate future, but I didn’t mind lying with my Alpha while he did.

“Did you have fun?” He asked.

“You don’t have to wake up for me.”

“I wasn’t sleeping. Just resting my eyes.”

I rolled my eyes. “Yeah, we’ve all heard that one before from someone in our lives who was clearly sleeping.”

Gray moved, turning so he was nearly on me, pinning me down a little with his weight. “Awake enough for you?”

“Yeah.” I bit my lip.

Slowly, he stroked his fingers through my hair. No hurry and no urgency, just feeling me. He kissed me the same way. Gentle and languorous and decadent.

“We haven’t talked yet, little one.”

My heart stuttered, nerves clinging to my lungs.

“Don’t do that,” he murmured against my lips. “Don’t tense up and shut down because you’re scared. There’s nothing to be scared of by talking.”

“I know.” I swallowed and then did it again. “I just know that I owe you an apology. I know I’m wrong and I don’t like that feeling.”

When he pulled back to look at me, all that understanding in his gaze, I had to close my eyes. “I’m sorry. I know I should have told you. Annika tried to get me to. I really did think I was fine and that it wouldn’t even matter. And I didn’t?—”

Gray smiled sadly. “You didn’t trust that I would back you.”

Sadness cracked through my chest. That’s what I didn’t want him to think. I did trust him. With everything. Right?

Reaching up, he cupped my face with one hand, making sure I looked at him. “Still no reason to be nervous. Or sad. Your scent tells me enough, though I can’t wait to feel it directly from you.”

But I’d made him feel sad. I’d made him feel afraid, and I hated it.

Gray kissed the corner of my mouth softly. Still cupping my cheek, thumb brushing along my skin in soothing motions. “Just listen to me for a few minutes, Vanessa. I promise I’m not angry.”

I knew. I felt it. But I couldn’t quite grapple with the sick terror in my chest that it wasn’t real. Because I had fucked up, and there was still sadness in his eyes. But I didn’t speak, waiting to listen.

“We’re new,” he said, bumping my head with his. “Meaning, the two of us together with the pack. But I know a lot about you, little one. All the research we did when we were considering hiring you. I spoke to people on your previous teams, though they never knew why I was asking the questions. More than that, I’ve been in the room. I’ve heard people talk about you, good things and bad, which is how I know exactly why you didn’t trust me.”

I opened my mouth, and he shook his head. Not like I could disagree with him. He was right. I hadn’t trusted him. Gray began to purr, and my body began to relax instantly. The traitor.

“You’re allowed to answer this statement with a yes or a no. No matter what team you’ve been on, even performing to the best of your ability, there have been times when you’ve been considered a liability because you’re a woman, an Omega, or both.”

My breath stilled. “Yes.”

“So when you’re confronted with a situation that makes you ‘less’ valuable,” his expression told me exactly what he thought of those words, and it wasn’t good, “or that makes you seem weak, you do everything in your power to minimize it.”

He hadn’t told me to answer, so I didn’t. But fuck. Yeah. Not like I’d consciously had those thoughts, but yes.

Gray nodded like I’d spoken out loud. “I don’t blame you for acting the way your entire career has trained you, Nessa. Believe me, I’m well aware that almost every other person in my role would have yanked you from the race immediately, whether it be for your safety or not wanting to risk points when there’s a reserve driver for a reason. Was I angry? Yes. Was I terrified? God , yes.”

He paused, pressing his cheek to mine. “But the minute I thought about it from your perspective, I understood. Racing is who you are, and you don’t want who you are to be taken away simply because of another aspect of you showed itself.”

My heat. I nodded.

“I want you to hear me when I say this.” He made sure to lock our gazes. “You are never a liability to me. Do you understand?”

“Yes.”

“You are never a liability. And I’m never going to take an action that regards you without consulting you. Am I going to promise never to make a call you don’t agree with?” He smirked. “No. But you would never ask me to make that promise.”

No. I wouldn’t.

“In this case, though you’re the first woman to be on the grid, you’re not the first Omega, rare as it is. There are ways to help.”

“What ways?”

“Temporary suppressants. Strong, fast acting, but temporary. They would have given you enough time to get through the race without discomfort. Or, as has happened in other situations, to get through practice or qualifying rounds before the reserve driver takes over.”

Through the haze of heat-tinged memories, I recalled him saying something about that. Maybe when we came off the podium?

“I’m sorry,” I whispered again.

“It’s forgiven.” He matched my tone. “It’s more than forgiven, little one. But I needed you to understand that I know exactly who you are. I did even before you were mine, and that’s why I chose you. Please believe I won’t hold you back over something you can’t control.”

I lifted my arms around his neck. “I promise.”

“And further, that if I do have to make a call to keep you safe, it’s because it’s to keep you safe and not because you’re my Omega and I’m afraid for you. I’m always afraid for you now, but I won’t treat you as fragile because of it.”

“I appreciate that.”

The hand that had been on my face slid over my shoulder and down my ribs. “You feel better?”

I did, but I didn’t care about me. “Do you?”

He kissed my shoulder. “I do.”

“Hopefully this won’t happen again,” I said, “but what if it happened in the middle of a race? I took your cues from the radios. Not exactly something you want to announce.”

Gray chuckled. “If that’s the case, then you’re on your own.”

I smacked his shoulder, and he simply kissed me. “I love you, little one.”

My eyes went wide. On the plane, when he’d told me, I hadn’t said it back. Everything had been so natural with everyone that I didn’t even think I’d told Beck how much I loved him either. “I love you.”

We got lost in each other for a while, with slow kisses and touches not fully leading anywhere. There was something beautiful about letting something stretch and breathe without any guarantees. Not that I would complain about it, because pleasure at the hands of these men was never a hardship.

When we finally came up for air, Gray smiled at me. “Want to take a trip into the city?”

“What for?”

His eyes sparkled. “Shopping.”