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CHAPTER FIFTY-FIVE

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Geoff Askew: Round number 13 in the Formula 1 world championship brought with it some tension, as River Daniels, the current world champion and the championship leader has been bested the last three races, two of which were won by Lars Bachman, widely considered his rival.

Charlie Amor: Yeah, I agree. The last few races have been a big toss up as far as expectations. And we can’t talk about that without talking about the streak of bad luck Vanessa Lennon has had the last few races. Including the one today. Coming off what seemed like a meteoric rise before the summer break now has people asking, was it just good luck?

Geoff: I’m sure there will be words behind the scenes between the two packmates about the incident today. I don’t exactly envy that.

Charlie: No, I agree. When I was driving, it would have been difficult to race against a packmate. But next week we head to Britannia, and if there’s anything that can give someone confidence back, it’s a home race. Paragon fans will be out en masse to see her.

Geoff: Let’s hope it’s enough. And let’s hope River is back on his game.

It wasn’t just one race. So far, it had been two. First with the engine in Deutschland and me fucking up in Rossiya. Couldn’t blame anyone for that one except myself, and it put me in eighth place.

Breathing out the tension, I snapped my focus in front of me. This race had been fine, but I still wasn’t where I wanted to be. There .

An opening appeared as Ortiz from Kingston took the corner too wide. I took the inside line, barely sliding past him to be ahead in the chicane. Phew.

“Well done,” Beck said. “Everything looks good to keep pushing. There’s a lot of traffic though. Bunch of cars lumped together.”

“Perfect.” I let the sarcasm shine through and he laughed.

Speaking on the radios was easier now. Still professional, but we could let the chemistry show.

“Toma and Daniels ahead.”

That was River? I thought it was Ronan. “On it.”

River and I didn’t race much. He was faster, so he started ahead of me. I could count on one hand this season the number of times we’d actually directly competed on the track.

Toma was an easy target. I liked the guy. He was a good racer, and every time I’d spoken to him he’d been kind. But his Lockwood car couldn’t keep up with ours. I passed him in what felt like seconds. The race flew .

There was River’s car, and this was a chance. I hadn’t beaten him yet, and I wanted to. If only to see his face when I did.

We’d barely seen each other this weekend, as one of his major sponsors was based here. When he’d come into the garage to kiss me, he’d had a bandage on his hand and wouldn’t tell me why. Part of me hoped it was from punching Lars in the face for the past two races.

Wishful thinking.

I caught his slipstream and closed the distance to his car until he was right in front of me.

“Nessa.”

“Telling me no?” I asked.

A pause. “Be careful.”

Power thrummed through me. I felt it. The car felt good. I pushed and jumped out at the corner to get past River, but fuck , he was there, just blocking my attempts to pass. Even when I went the long way around and tried to weave through, he kept me at bay.

Shit. There was a good fucking reason River was the best in the business, but like hell was I going to give up so easily. We approached the chicane. I’d already pulled this move once this race. What was one more time?

But this time I went for the outside, curving around River’s car and resisting every urge to brake until my car was ahead through the corner.

Almost there.

Almost there .

The switchback came, and River surged back toward me, just ahead on the racing line. I jerked myself away from him, bumping on the edge of the track. “No,” I muttered.

I could still do this.

One more time.

My jaw hurt from how hard my teeth clenched as I gave it everything. He came at me from the other side so fucking fast. Weaving through the last turn and coming to the edge, I swore he was going to run into me. There was room, but my body moved first. I went off the track, cutting off one of the corners and causing me to slow.

One car. Then two. Then three passed me before I could force myself back onto the actual asphalt.

“Place?”

“Currently P-7.”

“Fuck,” I muttered under my breath. Anger and hurt flared in my chest. He forced me off the track and he knew it. But if I let my emotions free, I wouldn’t finish this race. So I buckled them down and kept driving.

“Ten laps to go. You’re in good shape.”

I ignored the radio and drove.

Seventh place.

Right back where I’d started in my first race ever.

Closing my eyes, I took some long, deep breaths. Seventh wasn’t the worst position. I still had points. It was better than last week. No crashing. But anger still swam in my chest, looking for a way out.

I showered before River got back to the hotel. He had more to do, and I wasn’t sure I wanted to be in the shower with him right now.

My phone chirped.

Grayson

River’s headed your way. Go easy.

Vanessa

You going to come stand in front of him?

Grayson

No. But this was always going to happen. And you’re both good enough that it’s going to happen again. Be pissed, but go easy.

I hated that he was fucking right.

Vanessa

Fine.

Grayson

Love you, little one.

Those four words shook me. They almost cracked through the anger. The sound of the suite door opening sealed that crack really fucking fast.

“Vanessa?” River called.

I didn’t move from where I sat on my bed. It was still made because I didn’t really sleep in here. I slept with one of them.

“Baby?”

He stepped into the room, half out of his racing suit. His jaw clenched when he saw my wet hair and that I was already dressed.

“What the fuck was that?” I asked.

“What was what?”

I sprang from the bed and stormed over to him. “You running me off the fucking track.”

River’s eyes hardened. “I didn’t run you off the track, Vanessa. There was room for you. You pulled too far. You overcorrected. Don’t blame me for a mistake you made because you lost.”

“ Excuse me ?” My jaw dropped open. “You were coming at me and it didn’t look like you had any intention of stopping. Did you?”

He opened his mouth but I didn’t let him say anything. I chose to ignore the hurt that flashed in his eyes. “When we were back in Monaque and you said I wasn’t ready for your worst, was that it? Running me off the road? They didn’t even give you a penalty.”

“Because it was legal ,” he threw the words back on me. “You know how incredible I think you are, Vanessa, but this isn’t Formula 2. If there’s a gap, you fucking take it.”

“At my expense?”

I could hear myself, and if the positions were reversed, I’d be saying the same thing. But I couldn’t stop the feelings I had, and I wasn’t entirely sure what to do with them. I hated losing. More than anything. And after doing so well, to be shoved down to seventh by him hurt more than I had thought it would.

“At any expense.” He took a step forward and I took one back. “But not at any cost . As long as it’s a legal move. I didn’t hit you. And I know damn well Vance Lennon didn’t teach his granddaughter not to go for an open gap. So why don’t you tell me what you’re actually angry about.”

“Don’t you dare bring my grandfather into this.”

“Seriously? He would bring himself into this if he could. Has he called you?”

“River—”

He took another step toward me, crossing his arms, and I once again noticed the bandage on his hand. It was strangely placed. “No.” He spoke as he kept advancing until there was nowhere left for me to go and I was pressed up against the wall. “It’s a shitty feeling. I get that. You know I do, and you know I’ve been where you are. But I won’t apologize for competing when you knew we’d have to do this.”

I clenched my jaw and looked away.

“But that’s not what I’m mad about.”

“You think you have any right to be angry in this situation?” I shot back. “Think again.”

River braced his arms on either side of my head. A move that would be really hot if I wasn’t pissed at him. “Oh, I do have a right. You have one chance to guess why, so you think again.”

We glared at each other, and I did go over everything, but from every angle, I was the one who got to be angry. He came at me . He beat me . “River.”

“You said that it didn’t look like I had any intention of stopping.” His gaze burned . “And that pisses me the fuck off. Because if you think I would ever pull a move that would put you in that kind of danger, you and I have to have a very long, very serious conversation. The fact that you could even think that makes me—” he dropped his head and blew out a breath before pushing away from me. “Do I really have to specify that I would never hurt you like that? Is that what you really think of me? That I’m some kind of monster?”

“Of course not,” I snapped. “You know what I meant. Your car was on a collision course and if you hadn’t moved, I wouldn’t have had to react like that.”

But beneath the anger was sadness. No, I didn’t think he would hurt me. And I didn’t mean to imply it.

“Fine. You go look at the replay and see how much room you actually had. You’re in for a wake up call, Nes. Because you had more than enough space to stay on the track once I took the line.”

“We’ll see.”

“I guess we will.”

Everything hung in the air, and I hated it. His chocolate scent was bitter and burnt, and mine wasn’t much better. There was too much… everything.

We snapped at the same time.

Our mouths crashed against one another and there was no finesse. The kiss hurt. It was a fight as much as a kiss, both of us trying to win the argument. “I’m still pissed at you,” I managed between him stealing my breath and stripping my shirt off.

“Likewise.”

We didn’t make it through all our clothes. River stripped my leggings to my knees before he bent me over the bed and thrust deep in one go. Our groans mingled. It hurt in a good way, and somehow, right now, I needed that edge of pain. It felt right.

His body came down on top of mine, pinning me to the bed as he fucked me. Hard. Raw. Unrelenting. River gripped my hair and turned my face to the side, holding me still against the comforter as he ravaged me. “Someday you’ll have the chance to pull that same move on me. And you’ll do it. Cause that’s who you are. Just like me. You’re a racer in your soul, and we go for the margins. You won’t fucking apologize for it.”

River tilted his hips, and I saw white . Pleasure slammed into me like a blow and left me gasping. But he didn’t knot me. He used my dazed state to finish stripping both of us.

“I’d imagined showing you this differently,” he said. “But now I think this is the perfect time.”

He brought me up on my knees and knelt behind me, pushing back in slow and deep. We faced the mirror on the wall. River slid his hand to my throat and held me captive, deliberately taking his time to fuck me.

It took me long seconds to notice the bandage wasn’t on his hand anymore. He’d pulled it off, revealing dark black lines of a new tattoo. On his hand. Delicate chains that dripped with hanging jewels over his thumb and finger.

With his hand around my throat, it looked like a choker.

I reached up and gripped his forearm. He never broke my gaze in the mirror as he leaned forward and kissed my cheek. “You deserved a necklace, so I got you one.”

“River.” Now his name was a plea.

“I’m not done.” No anger remained in his tone. Only Alpha. Our gazes still locked in the mirror. “I’m going to make myself clear. I will never put you in danger like that. I would never intentionally hit you in a race. I need you to know that, okay?” His voice broke at the end, though he tried to hide it.

“I’m sorry.”

His fingers tightened just enough to make me go still, even as his cock still slid in and out, steadily rising toward more pleasure. “Don’t apologize. That’s not what we’re doing right now.” He faltered in his rhythm, both of us getting closer. “I’m not telling you to make this about me or to make you feel bad. I need you to hear it. Understand?”

I nodded.

“Good.”

He unleashed everything he had left. Never releasing my throat, he pulled out and spun me down to the bed with that hand, pushing deep and taking us home.

Still so close to one orgasm, another felt like bliss. River rolled his hips the way he knew I loved, and I was arching up into him and shouting out my climax as his knot formed.

That rising fullness and the way it fit—I’d never be able to describe it. The deepest level of safety I could imagine. Because my Alpha had me where he needed me. Alpha and Omega, meant to be locked together.

River pulled back to look at me, all the emotions from before we snapped flowing back into the space between us. But I saw hesitance in his eyes too. And pain.

I felt the same.

Slowly, he kissed his way up my neck and beneath my jaw, nipping my skin as he went until he kissed under where his fingers still held me. Branding my new ‘necklace,’ with his lips.

My sigh shuddered out, and he melted with me.

“I’m not going to let you win just because I fucking love you, baby.” The words were quiet.

“You better not. Because when I kick your ass I want it to be real. And it’s going to taste so sweet.”

That was all it took to make everything ease. Grinning down at me, River rolled his hips, pushing his knot where I needed it and making me gasp. “Looking forward to it. You’ll win at some point. Except for here.” He nodded his head at the bedroom. “I’m always going to win here, and you’re going to let me.”

That damn hand flexed on my neck, and I pulled it away. “I don’t know. That felt a lot like both of us winning.”

A playful growl rolled through his chest and into me. “You might always finish first in the bedroom, but I’m pretty sure that means I win.”

We fell into silence again, and he rested his forehead against mine. It felt better, but there were still too many words to say. He sighed, and the sound made me ache. “I’m sorry, Nes.”

“Don’t.” There was a flash of painful vulnerability in his eyes, and I didn’t let it stay as I took his face in my hands. “Don’t treat me differently just because I’m yours. Be brutal. Be ruthless. It’s who you are, and I love that part of you. And yes, I’ll be pissed at you. I’m still pissed. No doubt you’ll be fucking pissed at me too. And we’ll hate fuck it out of one other afterward. So we can get back to this.”

River chuckled and kissed me softly. Tenderly. “I like it when you say you’re mine.”

It was my turn to feel vulnerable, even though I already knew the truth. “As long as you’re mine too,” I whispered.

“I am yours.”

This kiss was easy. Soft. Playful and then slow once more. Both of us placing silent apologies on the other’s lips. “I think I’ve been yours for longer than I knew,” he admitted. “Since you won that Formula 2 race in Britannia. I’d heard your name but didn’t know who you were. Not really. You jumped out of the car, and when you took your helmet off and shook out your hair, I think I fell a little bit in love.”

That was a race that had been close . But it was also one of my first wins in that category, and it helped me get all the rest.

I slid my hand around his ribs and held him closer. We breathed in the other and our healing scents, instincts coming back to rest. I was still mad, but he was right in that I shouldn’t be mad at him. Or think…

“You said not to.” A tiny whisper. “But I am sorry. I know you wouldn’t.”

“I know.” River swallowed, tilting my face closer to his. “I do know. And still, I need you to understand how fucking serious I am. Because the idea of you not trusting me, or thinking I might hurt you… that terrifies me.”

Something tugged at my mind. “What happened?”

His brows came together. “What do you mean?”

“The way you talk about it. Feels like something happened to make you afraid of that specifically.”

He tensed before relaxing again. Or forcing himself to relax. I was close enough to see his jaw clench and release. “It’s just a pattern. Over and over again. Because I’m good, because I have the ability to be ruthless, some people assume that I have no soul. Or moral compass. Hell, even Gray—” He shook his head a little. “When you signed the contract for Paragon, before we knew you were ours. I had a crush on you ever since that race I mentioned, and all the guys liked to tease me about it.”

I smiled. “You had a crush?”

“A big one.”

“I like that.”

River’s smile was there and gone. “After you signed the contract, he warned me not to mess with you or lead you on. Which I’d never planned on doing. I only ever wanted to meet you, and I knew you’d need at least one ally.”

My heart swelled with something so far from anger I couldn’t breathe. That he’d wanted that before we met? It was everything.

“He had to say it,” River said, “as Team Principal. I get that. Doesn’t mean everyone else isn’t thinking the same thing.”

I slowly ran a hand through his hair and he leaned into it, closing his eyes. “People just assume the worst about me because I am where I am. They’ll look for any reason other than talent to discredit you, as you well know. Maybe they really are afraid of me.”

Anything other than talent. Couldn’t argue with that particular truth.

He finally looked at me again. “I never want that person to be you.”

Gently, I pulled his face to mine. “I’m sorry. My words weren’t fair to you, and I shouldn’t have said them. It was a reaction from anger and not really about you.”

“I know, baby.” He kissed me. “That fear will probably be with me forever, but we all have our shit.”

Tell me about it.

Relief was so sweet I could almost taste it. No one knew when the first real fight in a relationship was going to be, and even though this wasn’t necessarily a big one, it was important, because this one would keep popping up.

River and I finding our way back to each other through it was something we’d needed to feel and see. No one liked feeling that way, but it was important to know we could.

Between us, River’s knot shrank, allowing us to slip apart. I didn’t let him move away. “I love you.”

“I love you too.” Then he smirked, his energy lifting once more and stroking his thumb down my neck. “Do you like your present?”

“You might have to show me again up close. I’m not sure I got a good enough look at it.”

“We can make that happen. Besides, you owe me a shower.” He pulled me off the bed and into the bathroom, and our laughter felt good .