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CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX

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THE FIRST RACE OF THE SEASON

Geoff Askew: Welcome back to Formula 1! We’ve come back down under to the Commonwealth of Australis for the first race of the season, and it’s gearing up to a big one.

Charlie Amor: That’s right, Geoff. With pre-season testing much closer to the first race than in years past, the teams have been under pressure to take all that data they got in Espana last week and turn it into raw racing power.

We’ve got several rookies on the track, including the talk of the racing world, Vanessa Lennon. The grid certainly looks different than it did last season, but I think it’s a good change.

Geoff: I agree. We’re sure to get some incredible competition this year. Our favorites for the top slots are the same with the Xelerate, Paragon, and Kingston teams. But there are several midfield teams that are looking absolutely fantastic. Specifically, Revas Racing and the Lockwood Industries teams look like they’re pushing to make a leap up the order.

So no matter what happens at the top, the battle for the midfield will be riveting.

Charlie: You’re right. But I do have to say, even with the top three teams, I think we’re going to see enough competition and drama to keep us all satisfied. It’s not a secret that things at Paragon haven’t been the smoothest sailing since Vanessa Lennon’s announcement. Particularly between her and her teammate, veteran driver Lars Bachman. From all accounts Vanessa has done her best to be civil, but Lars isn’t having it. Which means all eyes are on that team for the first race.

Geoff: Let’s just hope for a clean race all around, and that none of our rookies put their car in the wall.

Colored lights blinked on the wall in front of me. I looked for the blue ones, hands snapping out to hit the buttons as soon as they appeared and ignoring all the other colors.

“Orange,” Annika said, and I switched to hitting those buttons instead. She kept switching colors for a few minutes, making sure my reflexes were fully warmed before she let me stop.

“All right. Go through your stretches.”

Neither of us was talking much because I needed to focus. More than any other day in my life. Possibly even more than that first race last season. Because everyone was watching me.

Was it a daunting thought to acknowledge how many eyes would be on me, both here and through whatever television or streaming service people used?

Yes. Yes it was.

Which was why I was forcing that reality out of my mind and pushing myself into the warmups. Of the people watching, there were a good many of them rooting for me to fail. Which was why I couldn’t. It simply wasn’t an option. In the same way that fear of crashing wasn’t an option. You turned it off once you got in the car.

I wasn’t quite there yet, but we still had time.

My phone buzzed with a text from my grandfather. He wouldn’t call because he didn’t want me distracted.

Grandpa

I know you don’t need it, but good luck. Kick their asses.

Oh, and don’t crash.

I huffed a laugh and sent him back an animated character shooting finger guns and winking.

A knock on the door prompted Annika to open it. Oliver pushed in. “Since we have a few minutes, I’d like to go over some things with you, Vanessa.”

Annika stared at him with shock on her face before laughing. When Oliver looked confused, she stopped. “Oh you’re serious? No.”

“But—”

I held out a hand before lifting myself off the floor. Oliver was a good personal assistant, and ever since my grandfather hired him, he’d been working mostly in the background, helping with emails and making sure my socials were monitored against the more hateful comments. He’d signed the same level of NDA that Annika had, and I trusted him because the only way grandpa would have hired him was if he were entirely sure that he was trustworthy.

But Oliver also didn’t come from the racing world. So he didn’t always know when it wasn’t the time for something. “Unless it’s something that’s going to burn down the world, racing days aren’t the time,” I said with a smile. “Trying to keep focus and all that. Is it urgent?”

He paused and thought about it. “When you put it that way, no. But I would like some one-on-one time with you soon to sort some things out.”

“That’s fine. Find some time in the next few days and put it on the schedule.”

Nodding, he ducked back out of the room. I began to change into my gear. Annika shook her head. “I’m shocked Vance hired someone who doesn’t know how racing works.”

“I think that’s one of the reasons he did hire him,” I said. “Because he doesn’t come from this world, he doesn’t have any of the ingrained beliefs that a lot of lifers have. He’s competent. He just needs to be around a bit longer.”

Annika grumbled something about being too nice, but she didn’t press it. Besides, Oliver had taken over communicating with my agent, which I loved. He was a damn good agent, but that didn’t mean he was friendly.

I glanced at the clock. It was time to go to the garage. My helmet sat on my desk. It was my first time really designing one. I had it match the rich purple in Paragon’s ombre of colors.

Shock of all shocks I loved the color purple. It wasn’t my favorite color, but I liked it and didn’t particularly care if anyone thought it was too feminine. At least at the moment I didn’t. It was all back and forth between confidence and crisis these last few days with watching the news and the nerves coming up to the race.

Spending time with the pack had been the true highlight. Now that we’d all been together, all our instincts had chilled out. It didn’t make the cravings any less intense, but it didn’t feel like I was missing something or an itch lurking beneath my skin.

Not acknowledging them as anything more than teammates in the garage was still hard as hell. Thankfully, yesterday had gone well with Beck’s voice in my ear through qualifying. Sessions where every driver pushed their car to the absolute fucking limit to get the fastest time. After a few rounds and eliminations, you ended up with a starting spot.

My starting place was seventh. Not as good as I’d hoped, but also not bad for a first go with a car I still wasn’t fully familiar with. It was still in the top ten, and for now, that was good.

Having a clean first race was more important than the best placement. If my race was clean and I finished in the points—aka, the top ten, because only the top ten drivers in any race scored points—it would be considered a victory.

River had qualified in first. Pole position. An old term from horse racing that Formula 1 had adopted. He’s been smug about it too. It was a damn shame I found his cocky and smug self so fucking hot. Because I couldn’t even be annoyed with him.

I went over the strategy in my head. Only one pit stop for this race. I knew which tyres we were using and exactly what I needed to do with them. I knew everything I needed to know, but my breath was still a little short in my chest. It wasn’t about the driving, because I could probably drive a Formula 1 car blindfolded. Even though I never would, because that would be insane.

This felt more like stage fright. Like all eyes were on me, even in the paddock.

Elias met my gaze from across the garage as soon as I entered. He smiled, and I smiled back, wishing we could do more than just exchange looks. It was a little early for getting in the car, but if I had an option, I always preferred to be in the car. It centered me in a way almost nothing else did.

My home was inside a race car and always had been.

Now I had two homes, inside a race car, and with them.

The mechanics gave me the clear to get in the car. Just as I was about to hand my phone to Annika, it buzzed in my hand.

River

Back of the garage.

I looked around but I didn’t see any sign of him. Nor should I. He was getting ready for his own race.

Vanessa

What?

River

The back. Where our spaces meet.

Garages in the paddock were assigned based on the previous year’s team ranking. Xelerate was first and we were second, so our garages were next to each other. But that didn’t mean other teams were just strolling through.

Where the hell…

There. In the very back in the corner I saw a flash of sky blue. What was he doing?

I pretended to stretch like I was just warming myself up as I walked to the back and casually leaned against the wall right where I’d seen him. “When did you find this?”

“Yesterday during qualifying.”

It was hard to keep my face neutral in case anyone looked in my direction. I just managed to keep my laughter in. “Of course you did.”

“I needed something. I’m dying over here.”

“You are not dying.”

“My Omega is in the next garage and I can’t see her. Yes. I am dying.”

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw him extend his hand through the tiny gap in the walls that joined the Xelerate and Paragon garages. I made sure no one was paying attention as I slid my hand into his. He squeezed.

“Wish there was time for a pre-race quickie.”

I bit the inside of my cheek to keep from laughing. “What do you call this morning then?”

“Not nearly enough.”

Heat unfurled low in my belly. “Stop that. No distracting me before the race. That’s not fair.”

“It’s plenty fair. You think I’m not distracted right now?”

I was the one who squeezed this time. The truth was I wasn’t worried about distraction. Even with him right there holding my hand, all I could think about was what was in front of me. The spotlight that would reveal me to the whole world. Like standing on stage completely naked.

“River?”

“Yeah, baby?”

I blew out a breath. “I’m so nervous.”

“You don’t need to be. This is what you’re here for. You belong here.”

He was right, I did. That didn’t stop the nerves from bubbling up like a pot that was too full. “I know.”

One more squeeze. “Good luck.”

Shoving every nerve aside, I forced myself to fall back into a place I recognized. Sassing the other drivers to make sure they remembered me. “Who needs luck when you have skill?”

He chuckled. “That’s my girl.”

Someone on the other side called his name. We split away from the tiny gap in the walls before someone noticed why we were leaning oh so casually in the weirdest place ever.

Beck stared at me from the pit lane, raising an eyebrow. I stared right back. Sure, that wasn’t the smartest play, but it was also exactly what I needed. He touched his ear and then nodded to me. It was time.

Lars strode into the garage, racing suit peeled back to the waist and showing the thermals beneath it. He dripped Alpha energy in a way that made me roll my eyes. It wasn’t subtle. The Betas around him stepped away out of sheer instinct, and I didn’t.

If he wanted a reaction out of me, he would have to do better than that. So I waited until he passed, making sure not to move, so he had to step around me. He growled, and I smirked.

This might be more fun than I anticipated. It wasn’t my plan to actively antagonize him, but I wasn’t a wilting flower. If he served it, I would serve it back.

I geared up and slid into the car, the mechanics locking me in place with the belts and braces. The starting line was swarmed with an army of more mechanics and reporters. This, at least, was familiar. Only I wasn’t a stand in this time. It was just me.

“Radio check.”

“Loud and clear, Nessa.” Beck’s calm voice spoke in my ear.

“Ready to see what we can do here in Australis?” I kept my voice both confident and upbeat, knowing people were listening to the radios. Plus, fake it till you make it, right?

He laughed, low and warm and a tone that no one else understood but me. I shivered. “You know it.”

“Then let’s do this.”